Universal Moments

Funny pictures

2008-03-30T12:53:00.003+08:00

From beautiful prints to award winning books

2008-03-28T09:07:00.003+08:00

From beautiful prints to award winning books, I compiled the top picks that every book lover and collector must have.

Wild Malaysia

If you have been looking for a source of inspiration concerning the wildlife and scenery of peninsular Malaysia, Sarawak, and Sabah, this is it ... The book is well organized with individual sections on peninsular Malaysia, with many subsections, and on Sabah and Sarawak. It is a coffee table book that you will use. - Unique & Exotic Travel Reporter

Photographs by: Gerald Cubitt

Text by: Junaidi Payne

Publisher: New Holland

Wild Malaysia - The wildlife and landscapes of Peninsular Malaysia, Sarawak and Sabah is a coffee book on Malaysia''s beautiful wild life - produced in association with the World Wide Fund for Nature. The pictorial study is illustrated with 400 beautiful pictures of plants, insects, fish, reptiles and many more of each in its natural habitat making it a visual testament to Malaysia''s enormous wealth of species. Accurately and visually stimulating, the book has individual chapters that wonderfully express peninsular Malaysia''s coastal areas, islands and hill forests, the stunning islands of Sabah, and the magnificent rivers and cave systems of Sarawak. Also included in the book is a complete list of conservation areas in the country. Wild Malaysia was carefully recorded and compiled by Gerald Cubitt, who is one of the world''s leading natural history photographers, and Junaidi Payne, a professional conservation biologist and Senior Scientific Officer with World Wide Fund Malaysia.

The Gathering

A remarkable must-read novel from one of Ireland''s most important and innovative writers.

Author: Anne Enright

Publisher: Vintage Books

A novel about love and disappointments, it is narrated by Veronica, the sister of Liam, whose death brought the nine surviving children of the Hegarty clan together for Liam''s wake. They discover that even though it helped, it wasn''t the drink that killed him - it was what happened to him as a boy in his grandmother''s house in the winter of 1968. The Gathering is a family epic, condensed and clarified - tracing the line of hurt and redemption through three generations of the Hegarty clan - starting with the grandmother, Ada Merriman - showing how memories warp and family secrets fester. The 2007 Man Booker Prize winner, The Gathering is the fourth novel from Irish author Anne Enright. She sticks true to her writing style - daring, witty and insightful where her distinctive intelligent twists the world a fraction and gives it back to us in a new and unforgettable light.

Mister Pip

"Rarely can any novel have combined charm, horror and uplift in quite such superabundance" - Independent

Author: Lloyd Jones

Publisher: John Murray (first published by Penguin Group)

Set in one of the more remote islands off Papua New Guinea, Mister Pip is a heartwarming tale about a girl, Matilda who comes of age amidst a cruel civil war. After all the ''white men'' had fled the island, Matilda''s school going days came to an abrupt halt, only to resume with ''the only white man in her village'', a scraggly Mr. Watts, as the teacher who is obsessed with Charles Dickens'' Great Expectations. Matilda''s mother comes across as a rigid, overzealously religious lady who surprisingly, from the depths of remote Papua New Guinea, still manages to resemble rigid, overzealously religious people in any society.

The story interweaves several lessons to the readers - the profound effects that civil war has upon its people; the cruelties of war that might not be reported in the news; the need to have an outlet to escape in most dire situations, like Matilda who had her imaginary Pip as her friend and her mother who had God by her side); and the fact that we in a war-free country are just so darned lucky! That said, to have the story set in remote Papua New Guinea is refreshing. No one could do it better New Zealander Lloyd James'' who hit the nail on the head with the depiction of Matilda''s maturing process with progressive thought flows and expansion on her vocabulary.

Concise, engaging and filled with well-developed characters, you''ll close the book feeling a tad melancholy, slightly thwarted from the lack of humanity displayed by the ''redskin'' soldiers, but mostly with a sense of hope for Matilda. There is just no wonder how Mister Pip made the shortlist for the Man Booker Prize. A good and easy read, this book will leave you turning the pages vehemently until you finish reading it.

The Raw Shark Texts

"A cult in the making" - Time Out

Author: Steven Hall

Publisher: Canongate

Eric Sanderson wakes up in a place he doesn''t recognise, unable to remember where he is. All he has left are journal entries recalling Clio, a perfect love now long gone. It seems that the trouble lies with a conceptual shark that is wiping away his memory, and he has to piece together his memories and his life before the shark attacks his memory again.

This out of the box story weaves together much like Momento, where time jumps and essential moments of the plots come random at best, leaving you constantly on a high adrenaline alert. Combining elements of sci-fi, romance and memoir, fans of the likes of authors such as Isaac Asimov and Orson Scott Card or fans of Trainspotting, Run Lola Run and Life of Pi should definitely not give this book a miss.

The originality of this book is not just in the plot, but in the deliverance. Unconventional and mind boggling, the story is entangled in puzzles, codes and, in parts, is even a flip book of pictorial falling text that express the character''s confusion in trying to piece together his life. It''s a psychological thriller that doesn''t have you hiding under the bed in fear, but looking under the bed for perhaps the fourth dimension that you may have missed the last time you looked.

Top 10: Signs She's Cheating On You

2008-03-23T19:15:00.001+08:00

It's a sad fact, but there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. So, although you might be in love with your better half, there's always a chance that she might be cheating on you. Contrary to what your macho side might think, you may not be the center of her universe after all.
Women are typically detail-oriented; if she's cheating on you, you'll have to start paying attention, as she'll likely cover her tracks better than a practiced thief. If you're looking for a starting point for your detective work, you can rest easy; we've compiled a top 10 list of signs she's cheating on you. While all the cheating signs that follow may not imply that she is in fact cheating on you, each is definitely a warning that something is amiss with your ladylove. Depending on the scenario, you may need to look further for more signs she's cheating on you, do some relationship maintenance or simply break up.

Number 10 She detaches herself from your family

The fact that she no longer wants to attend your family's functions or hang with your friends is one of our signs she's cheating on you. This sign may be indicative of cheater's remorse on her part, which means that she likely feels guilty about cheating. The less she immerses herself in your circles (which contain people who are painful reminders of her sins), the less mental anguish she'll have to endure.

Number 9 She nags you incessantly

Gone are the days when the two of you could communicate with harmonious precision. Now, every sentiment you express sets her off and she finds any excuse to lash out at you.If such an about-face sounds familiar, she may be subconsciously trying to justify her little tryst. Nagging you helps eliminate or at least ease her nagging guilt. So if she habitually begins to point out your every flaw, you may want to get to the bottom of what's really going on because it's one of our signs she's cheating on you.

Number 8 She has a mysterious friend

A telltale sign that your woman is cheating arises when a mysterious friend inches his way into the picture. Whether it's someone she claims is a coworker or an old friend from way back, she keeps this friendship under wraps and is hesitant to share any general details about him, much less introduce you. And it doesn't take a Ph.D. to figure out why.

Number 7 She deflects simple questions

You should be suspicious of your girlfriend when she refuses to answer the simplest and fairest of questions or answers questions only after repeating them back to you, which usually indicates a mind that's searching for a lie. Be wary of times when, rather than reveal that she got home at midnight, she begrudgingly asks, "Why do you want to know what time I left the coffee shop?" If she gets defensive about disclosing information that she used to volunteer without hesitation, she may be hiding something or someone and it's one of the surest sings she's cheating on you.

Number 6 She shifts priorities away from you

If she is involved in a hot and heavy romance with someone else, you'll definitely feel a shift in her daily priorities. Suddenly, there are no more implied Sunday dates at the movies or something always comes up on dance-lesson Thursday. There is a tendency for most philanderers to schedule meetings with their new flame as often as they can, which results in a complete disregard for previous engagements.

Number 5 She puts more effort into looking sexy

You may like her just the way she is, but that won't stop her from trying to dazzle her new fling. Just as you tried to impress each other at the beginning of your relationship, she'll try to impress her new flame with a sudden urge to improve her style, change her makeup and alter her physical appearance for the new man in her life. So, while her desire to look sexier is one thing, not caring about your opinion on the matter is quite another.

Number 4 She becomes autonomous

One of the biggest signs she's cheating on you is her breaking away from your little two-person unit to become more autonomous. She has dropped "we" from her vocabulary in favor of "I." Moreover, she does more things on her own and stops consulting you about future plans. In short, she conducts herself in ways that hint that she no longer needs you to hold her hand. Whether she's hoping you'll leave her or she's simply looking for more time to lead her "double life," it's safe to conclude that she wants you out of the picture -- she just can't build up the nerve to leave you.

Number 3 She has no interest in sex with you

When your relationship was new, the two of your were full of passion and open to spontaneous lovemaking. Now it's all a bit iffy, whereby you're rarely hitting the sheets and you're only doing so if and when she feels like it.On a slightly more ego-bashing note, she may suddenly become bored by your performance and appear to be thinking about someone else when you do make love. Cheating may be wrong, but you can't deny that unlawful sex is usually more exhilarating. So, if you can no longer satisfy her sexually, someone else may be rubbing her the right way.

Number 2 She's secretive about her schedule

She may claim to no longer have time for any extracurricular activities with you, yet she has one foot out the door the minute one of her girlfriends calls. Either that or she has been "going away on business" one too many times. And when she does leave, her whereabouts are sketchy at best and you are somehow always the last to know.Disclosing her itinerary to you at the last minute and overlooking your plans in the process can mean many things, one of which isn't that she's forgetting, but rather leaving you out.

Number 1 You become irrelevant

What could be worse than a girlfriend who nags you about absolutely everything? How about one who stops noticing that you're even alive? Just as No. 9 on our list of signs she's cheating on you is a possibility (she nags you incessantly), the opposite could be yet another clue of your loves cheating ways.All at once, she doesn't care if you don't want to go to the ballet with her; she'll just find somebody else with whom to go. And whatever opinion you may have, be it about how she looks or how you're feeling, is met with a tepid response. In other words, she doesn't place the same importance on what you think and what you do as she once did, especially on things that directly affect the relationship.

cheating in check

Don't delude yourself into thinking that your woman would never cheat and don't rush to judgment either; if she is guilty of committing any signs on the list, perhaps it's indicative that something is awry in the relationship . In any case, this is a great opportunity for you to address problems you may not have noticed before scanning this article.More importantly, don't let what may just be a bad case of jealousy taint your perception of her. Reading her the wrong way or jumping to conclusions can permanently sever a relationship; get all the facts before you confront her.

5 Things You Didn't Know: Greenpeace

2008-03-09T09:27:00.001+08:00

Over the last 40 years, Greenpeace has established itself as a powerhouse within the environmental movement. Their numerous campaigns have seen both success and controversy, chiefly because of their methodology to create awareness, which supporters deem necessary, while critics claim it involves sensationalism and deliberate inaccuracy.

That being said, eco-warriors or eco-terrorists, here are are five things you didn’t know about Greenpeace, the foremost environmental organization in the world.

1- Greenpeace was originally a "Don't Make A Wave Committee"
In 1969, the U.S. government intended to carry out underground nuclear testing in Alaska’s Aleutian Islands, a plan that some people feared would cause an earthquake and a subsequent tidal wave. An estimated 10,000 people demonstrated by blocking a U.S.-Canada border crossing, holding signs that said, “Don't Make A Wave. It's Your Fault If Our Fault Goes.”

Some of those demonstrators were members of the Canadian chapter of the Sierra Club. They had the idea to head out to the testing site by boat, but the Sierra Club objected to the idea. In response, they formed the “Don't Make A Wave Committee,” and in 1971, they set sail for Alaska in a boat they called "Greenpeace," a term offhandedly coined by founding member Bill Darnell.

In May 1972, the organization officially changed its name to Greenpeace.

2- The French government blew up their boat
The organization’s flagship Rainbow Warrior was docked in New Zealand’s Aukland harbor in the summer of 1985, when operatives of the DGSE, the French intelligence agency, carried out Operation Satanic. They affixed a pair of bombs to the hull and sunk the famous craft. While the event was certain to garner plenty of press, it’s hard to say if the plot would have been traced back to the French government -- in fact, all the way up to then-President Mitterrand -- if a photographer named Fernando Pereira had not rushed on board between explosions to get his equipment. He lost his life when the second charge detonated. Consequently, the operation became an international scandal.

French intelligence officer Louis-Pierre Dillais is alleged to have been the ringleader behind Satanic. He currently works as an executive in Virginia for the U.S. subsidiary of Belgian arms manufacturer FN Herstal. Greenpeace considers him a terrorist and wants the U.S. government to deport him, according to federal law.

3- Greenpeace has been denounced by former members
As Greenpeace achieved a number of major victories during the '70s and '80s, it began to change its priorities. While this attracted new members to the organization, it sometimes enraged, embittered or turned off old members.

One-time Greenpeace president, Patrick Moore, left after 15 years and has since been critical of what he calls their “scare tactics,” writing in the Miami Herald in 2005 that the movement had “abandoned science and logic in favor of emotion and sensationalism.” Currently, Moore leads Greenspirit Strategies Ltd., an organization geared toward sustainable development.
Founding member, Paul Watson, left in 1977, around the time Patrick Moore became president because he felt Moore’s opposition to direct action campaigns compromised the organization’s original goals. Watson currently heads up the Sea Shepherd Conservation Society.

Don White, who founded the organization’s U.S. branch, left in 1985 over “increasingly strained accountability to its supporters, and its accelerating drift away from wildlife issues,” and has since slammed Greenpeace USA, accusing it of “capitalizing… on claiming the accomplishments of others as their own while creating photo opportunities for fundraising.” Currently, White is the founder and president of the wildlife conservation organization, Earthtrust.

Bradley Angel was Greenpeace’s Southwest Toxics Coordinator, but resigned in protest in 1997 when Greenpeace International “betrayed” an agreement with tribal governments to fight a U.S. government plan to build a nuclear waste dump on sacred land. Currently, Angel is the executive director of the health and environmental organization, Greenaction.

4- Greenpeace was accused of deliberate misinformation
Robert Hunter, one of the organization's founders and a man credited with coining the terms “mindbomb” and “eco-warrior” was heavily influenced by media guru Marshall McLuhan’s theories about modern media. Early on, Hunter understood the power of visually arresting images -- baby seals being clubbed, dolphins getting slaughtered, Greenpeace activists courageously challenging whalers at sea -- in short, reducing complex issues into a matter of good versus evil, leaving no question as to who was who.

In 1995, Greenpeace mounted a successful high-profile campaign to get oil company Royal Dutch Shell to dismantle its Brent Spar oil platform on land, as opposed to deliberately sinking it -- a plan supported by the UK government. Greenpeace called for a worldwide boycott of Shell; activists occupied the platform, took a sample of its contents and reported it held over 5,000 tons of oil, 110 times more than Shell’s estimates. Shell eventually buckled to the boycott and public pressure, despite its own estimates ultimately proving to be the accurate ones.

More recently, in 2006 Greenpeace issued its “Guide to Greener Electronics," which rates vendors of consumer electronics on their use of toxic chemicals and recycling plans. Critics took exception to the report, in part because of its lazy criteria (“companies are ranked solely on information that is publicly available”) and in part because they felt press releases singled out Apple’s alleged poor performance for the sake of scoring headlines -- despite Apple’s reputation as an environmental leader with such groups as the Sierra Club and the company’s compliance with the European Directive on the Restriction of the Use of Certain Hazardous Substances in Electrical and Electronic Equipment (the RoHS).

5- Greenpeace enemies arranged for its audit
In 2003, the Washington-based, nonprofit corporation Public Interest Watch (PIW), which operates under the motto, “Keeping an eye on the self-appointed guardians of public interest,” issued a complaint to the IRS accusing Greenpeace USA of money laundering, misusing contributions and filing inaccurate tax returns. The result was an intensive three-month audit of Greenpeace USA.

Formed in 2002, the PIW website says its initial funding was “provided by business organizations,” but in 2006 the Wall Street Journal revealed the truth about that funding; virtually all of it came from a single source, a multinational corporation that Greenpeace has called the “No. 1 climate criminal,” Exxon Mobil.

While the audit found a handful of “deficiencies,” the IRS apparently saw no reason to revoke Greenpeace’s tax-exempt status. Nonetheless, PIW called the result “vindicating.”

Greenpeace is currently protesting the construction of a coal-fired power station in England; they just finished harassing the Japanese fleet during their annual whale hunt in the Southern Ocean, and marked the anniversary of the Kyoto Protocol with a vigil outside Canada’s parliament buildings in protest of the country’s alleged lack of progress concerning global warming.

It’s not all protest-based, however; Greenpeace Switzerland recently established an online dating service for environmentally conscious singles.

Of the 10 items displayed in a random Google news search of Greenpeace, media outlets from five different countries covering a full seven unique Greenpeace campaigns. As well as any other survey, this exhibits not only the tremendous international scope of the organization, but it is also indicative of almost four decades worth of being extraordinarily media-savvy.

Resources:
www.greenpeace.org
http://en.wikipedia.org
www.guardian.co.uk
www.ccfassociation.org
www.abcbookworld.com
www.greenspiritstrategies.com
www.seashepherd.org
www.greenpeacefoundation.com/dolphindon.html
http://siliconvalley.wikia.com
www.greenaction.org
www.roughlydrafted.com
www.publicinterestwatch.org
www.commondreams.org

Common Female Fantasies

2008-03-08T11:05:00.002+08:00

All women fantasize about sex, just as frequently as men, and most of us do it with grandeur. Scenarios may vary, but there are several recurring themes in the most common female fantasies. Whether you’re dating a puritan or the neighborhood tart, deep down they share the same basic desires and have similar sexual cravings. While some of these desires may seem overly fantastical, they are not wholly implausible. With a little effort, you have a good chance of putting them into action. The following common female fantasies are more probable than you think; read on to find out why.

Domination
Your girl doesn’t have to be into whips and chains to fantasize about this one, as it covers rather a broad spectrum of naughtiness, ranging from dominating to being dominated. The latter is a particularly common female fantasy (even for dominant women), which often extends to capture fantasies involving consensual rape. We use the word "consensual" because she likely only fantasizes about experiencing this at the hands of someone she’s highly sexually attracted to, who will not injure or harm her during the act, who will instantly fall madly in love with her and probably want to marry her afterward. You can see why it falls under the heading of "fantasy." Women who fantasize about such things are often highly sexual women who feel guilty about their desires; guilt which can be easily assuaged with the right kind of encouragement from their partner.

Sex with a stranger
Hot, no-strings-attached sex is a common female fantasy for the simple reason that most women wouldn’t have the nerve to engage in this kind of thing without being fully liquored up. The idea appeals to her inner feminist; if she walks into a bar and takes a man home for an all-night shag fest, then she’s a modern, sexually liberated woman whom her girlfriends can admire. What keeps this a fantasy for most women is the fear of post-coital self-loathing at having behaved so wantonly. This type of fantasy is usually found in women who would like to be more sexually free than they currently are.

Sex in public
Society tends to demand a certain level of modesty and propriety from women, and that can really get on a girl’s nerves after a while. The idea of being naughty while random strangers pass by can be a massive turn-on for even the shyest of females. The appeal is partly due to shock value (which makes her feel powerful) and partly due to breaking a massive taboo (which makes her feel wild and wicked). It’s hard to imagine anything more sexually liberating than allowing others to watch you have a good lay. If she’s fantasizing about this, it indicates a decrease in sexual inhibition, which probably means she’s ready to take her present level of kink up a notch, whatever that may be.

Sex with two men
There isn’t a woman on earth who doesn’t enjoy being the center of attention when it comes to the affections of men, and this little fantasy just doubles the pleasure. The idea of two studly men focusing all of their efforts on her sexual experience, making her orgasm over and over again with no thought of themselves, is a truly common female fantasy. Another facet is being able to fully satisfy two men at the same time, which can make a woman feel sexually potent and powerful. This could just be a fantasy, or it could indicate that she feels her current partner isn’t seeing to her needs adequately; something easily rectified by putting forth a bit more effort the next time you’re in bed.

Sex with another woman
The vast majority of women, whether bisexual or not, have at least entertained the idea of having sex with another woman. And, of those women, most have at least fantasized about having hot lesbian sex with a gorgeous, sexy woman. The fantasy may or may not involve allowing a man to watch, but it’s not about having a three-way romp; this is something she imagines on her own, just herself and one other female. Fear not, this one doesn’t mean she’s less into you, or men in general; it simply means she finds the female form sexually stimulating. You can relate to that, surely?

Role-playing
This one covers a lot of ground, and it’s important to note that the word "role-playing" doesn’t necessarily denote playing dress up. Certainly, common female fantasies might involve dressing
up like a hooker and having their man pick them up on the Boulevard, but it could also be as
simple as imagining herself to be a stripper and giving you a private lap dance in your own home. By dressing up like someone else, she can act out her salacious fantasies while pretending they are someone else’s idea. Acting out this fantasy can be very beneficial for a relationship, as it can give a woman the courage to do the things she’s always wanted to do, but never had the nerve. If she’s mentioning this one, she’s likely ready to add some spice in the bedroom and just needs a little encouragement to get there.

Voyeurism
While most women don’t really get turned on by the idea of watching others have sex, most of them do get incredibly turned on by the idea of being watched, themselves. Perhaps the most common female fantasy along these lines involves being watched in secret. This allows her to maintain her modesty, while still indulging her inner vixen. This fantasy can sometimes mean she needs a bit more in the way of attention, or it can mean she simply gets off on the performance, rather than the experience. You can satisfy this urge easily enough by videotaping your next sexual encounter.

make her fantasy a reality
Each of these common female fantasies can be turned into reality with a relatively small degree of effort on your part. It might take a bit of practice before both of you are truly comfortable acting them out, but the learning stage is just as hot, sexy and satisfying as the fully experienced stage. Make her fantasies a reality and you will instantly become the man of her dreams.

World War III Prophesy

2008-02-10T10:31:00.000+08:00

I have not bought this book nor read it yet. It sounds interesting.

It is authored by Dr. Michael Rathford who studied Quatrains of Nostradamus since 1975. He is the author of this book, The Nostradamus Code: World War III.

By combining traditional analysis techniques with state of the art data mining algorithms, he made significant discoveries that resulted in the book.

You can find out more of this book from www.nostradamusonline.com/

Excerpts:

With a total of eight chapters, The Nostradamus Code: World War III opens with an overview of the bewildering events currently unfolding on the world stage. You will find out why they are happening...

The years 2008 through 2012 are explained in precise detail by Dr Rathford. Referred to by Nostradamus as the Time of Troubles, this period is full of war, despair, and evil.

When the prophecies-within-prophecies are deciphered, the hidden timeline of World War III is revealed. New predictions include:

A conflict between the US and Iran
The next major terrorist attack on the US
Osama Bin Laden
The nuclear destruction of Rome

A passage in Chapter 4 caught my eyes:

Chapter Four: The Time of Troubles

Third world country leader creates strife
(Century III, Quatrain 60)

A "young dark man" will arise as a leader in a Third World country; his main goal is to unite the other Third World countries to do battle with the superpowers. The area of conflict will be in Eastern Europe and the Middle East...

A young man from a 3rd world country; who will that be? From Malaysia? Can't be; we're closer to 4th World, aren't we? If it predictably could be, will it be someone from the 4th floor? ehm... I love this piece!!!

Drawing on newly discovered Nostradamus manuscripts, a startling new view of the world is revealed. If you agree that signs like widespread terrorism, a volatile Middle East, and an economic depression could lead to World War III - then you will find this book truly eye-opening.

10 Money Mistakes Women Make

2008-02-09T14:31:00.000+08:00

...And How To Avoid Them

So you think you’re a smart money manager. But do you pay unnecessary bank or credit card fees? Are you saving for your child’s college tuition instead of your retirement? Do you leave important financial decisions to those “more qualified” than you? If so, you’re in the majority of American women – and you’re making mistakes that could jeopardize your future. Fortunately, it’s easy to remedy these financial foibles, says personal finance wizard Suze Orman. And you can start by reversing these 10 most common money mistakes women make...

If you’re like many women, the thought of managing your money may send shivers down your spine. We all want financial security, but the process of educating ourselves and making decisions can be daunting… or simply uninteresting. Often women relinquish the role of financial planner to professional advisors, husbands, boyfriends or fathers. Bad idea, according to money management guru Suze Orman.

Taking care of yourself financially is essential to your future and your ability to care for those you love, Orman says in her newest book, Women & Money: Owning the Power to Control Your Destiny (Spiegel & Grau, 2007).

Yet most women (90%, according to one financial poll) feel insecure about their finances, no matter whether they’re stay-at-home moms running a household or Fortune 500 executives running a company. Why? Because women, unlike men, have long been socialized not to manage their own finances, in Orman’s opinion. “I want every woman to save herself,” Orman says. By doing so, “She’s a better mother, a better wife, employee, or employer. She’s a better person all the way around.”

To that end, Orman’s book offers an easy-to-follow, 5-month financial fitness regimen called “The Save Yourself Plan.” It’s designed to reshape the way you look at money and how you view your self-worth. The result: You’ll become more effective in everything from obtaining a raise to applying basic money management and investment concepts that will safeguard your future. “This book is to once and for all rewrite the story that history has handed every woman,” Orman says.

The key to your money makeover is to recognize and reverse bad decisions that threaten your financial fitness.

Among the most common:

1. You fail to honor your gut feelings.

This is the mother of all money mistakes. Here’s how it happens: Your desire to nurture and protect those around you overrides your desire to protect yourself, and so you make important money decisions based on sparing the feelings of those you care about. “Someone will come to you and say, ‘I need to borrow $5,000.’ You will think, ‘I won’t lend the money or co-sign,’ and yet you say ‘okay,’” Orman explains. Too often such arrangements result in the borrower defaulting and you losing money or points on your credit score – a big financial fitness no-no.

2. You fund your child’s college savings before your own retirement fund.

“Mothers come up to me constantly and say, ‘Suze, where is the best place I can save for my child’s college education?’” Before that question can be answered, consider your own retirement, Orman advises. If you don’t earn enough to stash money in both accounts, retirement must take precedence. Why? Because a proper retirement ensures you won’t become a burden on your kids later in life. As Orman points out, while there are plenty of loans available for college, there are none available for retirement.

3. You name your children as beneficiaries on your life insurance policy even though they’re minors.

Normally, life insurance companies won’t pay out to children who are under the age of 18, Orman warns. “So if you have a half-million-dollar policy and you leave it to your three-year-old, if you die the money goes into a blocked account in the bank, where the kid can’t get at it.” Instead, create a trust account and name this account the beneficiary of the policy. Inside the trust you can specify to whom, how and when the money should be distributed.

4. You believe a will is enough.

It’s not. A will is simply a document that states how your assets will be distributed upon your death. What you need instead is a living revocable trust with an incapacity clause. Why? “Imagine you’re in an accident or you have a stroke. You’re not dead, you’re simply totally incapacitated. Who is going to pay your bills? Write your checks for you?” Orman asks. Even if you’re married and plan to stay that way ’til death, odds are you’ll outlive your husband. A trust with an incapacity clause will allow you to choose the best person to look out for you and your interests. (For more information, go to SuzeOrman.com and click on the will and trust kit link.)

5. You buy the wrong kind of life insurance.

"Women tend to have whole life universal or variable life insurance," Orman says. Such policies offer the death benefit and a built-in savings. The lure is that you can get back at least some, if not all, of the premium by cashing it out while you're alive or by borrowing against it. Still, Orman says, you can do better. If you want to pass money to your kids and provide them some sort of savings, she says, a better bet is to create your own investment fund.

"The only type (of insurance) you should ever have ... is a term life insurance policy," says Orman. Term policies offer death benefits only and they pay your beneficiary after you die. How long of a term should you buy? Typically, you'll want coverage until your youngest child is 23 years old.

6. You fail to keep beneficiaries on your accounts or your husband’s accounts up to date.

This simple oversight can lead to financial tragedy. Review your retirement account, your IRAs, your pension, your life insurance, and those of your husband – especially if this is the second marriage for either of you. Failing to do so may mean your ex – or his – winds up the financial winner upon either of your deaths. “He dies, you think you’re going to benefit, and it all goes to the ex-wife,” Orman says.

7. You leave the family finances to your husband.

Instead of blindly believing in your husband’s good intentions and his financial prowess, immerse yourself in the family finances. If he’s been in charge up until now, you may find he’s doing a great job – or not. When he dies or your marriage dissolves, you don’t want to find out that you should have worried your pretty head after all, Orman says.

8. You believe a prenuptial agreement only protects him.

A properly executed prenuptial agreement will protect both of you in case your marriage becomes the nearly one out of two (or two out of three in the case of subsequent marriages) that ends in divorce. The best time to plan for the undesirable? When romance is in full bloom.

9. You discount yourself.

Maybe you run your own business and fail to raise your rates despite your expenses going up. Perhaps you accept a small raise despite the company’s growth and your contribution to it. Or you might allow clients to pay discounted rates for your services. If you do any of these, you’re putting yourself on sale. Instead, Orman advises you to value yourself properly, and those around you will pay you accordingly.

10. You can’t seem to say “no.”

You work, you take care of your family, and yet you feel compelled to volunteer whenever you’re asked. Today, with women making up half the workforce, odds are your time isn’t as abundant as was your mother’s or grandmother’s. Volunteering is admirable, but make sure you don’t overdo it.

Want to learn more? Get your own copy of Women & Money.

Organic Food Primer

2008-02-06T09:36:00.000+08:00

Organic food is taking up more and more shelf space at the local supermarket, quickly outgrowing its previous reputation as the substance of granola-munching, Birkenstock-clad hippies. These days, you can buy almost everything in organic form, from the cotton in your T-shirts to the spinach in your fridge. It’s a market that has grown into a multi-billion dollar industry, and sales of organic products are increasing every year.
When compared side by side with their regular, non-organic counterparts, organic foods can be confusing. Why would you want to pay a couple of extra dollars for organic foods, such as carrots, that look exactly the same as the regular carrots you’ve been eating your whole life? Well, there’s a reason some people swear by organic food, and once you know the difference, you might count yourself as a fellow chemical-free devotee.
Read our organic food primer to learn about the benefits of going organic and how easy it can be to incorporate it into your life.

What is organic food?
Many farmers rely on pesticides to kill crop-damaging bugs. The pesticides, however, can create a lingering residue on the food, even after it reaches grocery store shelves. So, when you pull your chair closer to the table to enjoy that tempting salad, you could be consuming small amounts of the same poison that was used to kill off insects. Are you still hungry?

Organic farmers, in addition to using fertilizers and maintaining a good growing environment, use natural methods to combat pests. Whether it’s a meat or a vegetable, organic food is, by definition, chemical- and additive-free.
For example, where a non-organic farmer might use a pesticide to kill off apple maggots in an orchard, an organic farmer will likely make the apples less appealing to the maggots by using garlic barriers, which will drive the maggots away, or by introducing other insects that won’t harm the apples but will eat the maggots. Where conventional farmers can plant high-yielding crops year after year in the same field (due to their “scientific” practices), organic farmers need to give the land a rest every few seasons in order to give the soil time to rebuild its nutrient supply.

Why eat organic food?
Die-hard organic food connoisseurs swear that organic food just tastes better. Ask them why, and they’ll start rattling off a number of different reasons, but the first one would probably be that instead of tasting any possible chemical residue, they taste the full flavor of the food. An organic apple might seem less appealing than a big, shiny, non-organic apple, but the conventional apple is often coated with artificial wax to make it look more tempting. When you don’t have to chew through this waxen barrier, you get to enjoy the pure taste of the apple.

Keep reading this organic food primer for more great tips...

Organic food tends to be higher in vitamin and nutrient content, and in the case of organic meat, the animals fated to end up on your plate are fed an organic diet and are never injected with antibiotics or growth hormones.
Organic food connoisseurs are also eating their way out of some cancer risks. According to the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), 60% of herbicides (weed killer), 90% of fungicides (mushroom and fungus killer) and 30% of insecticides (pest poison) contain carcinogenic chemicals, which are linked to cancer. Pesticide use has also been linked to birth defects and genetic mutations.

Why is organic food so expensive?
For a farmer, going organic isn’t just a matter of throwing a ”Save the Earth” sticker on the back of the truck and driving around town. There are strict rules that have to be followed in order to get the coveted ”organic” certification. The process is expensive, and can require multiple inspections of all the areas of the farm to make sure the entire operation is chemical-free. Also, organic food costs are higher because organic farmers are ineligible for some of the subsidies that their chemical-squirting colleagues can receive and meat farmers must give their animals organic feed, which can be as much as double the price of conventional feed.

Organic food proponents counter the claim that organic food is too expensive by pointing to the fact that the small price you pay upfront outweighs the cost of the potential ailments incurred by ingesting chemical-laden food. If the higher up-front cost means you can’t go full-bore organic, try implementing a few staples. Rice, peppers, corn, peaches, and potatoes are some of the foods notorious for carrying pesticides, which means you should consider their organic counterparts. Can’t afford organic meat? Try switching to organic milk; it’s free of the antibiotics and growth hormones that conventional cows are injected with to keep their milk flowing. Other pundits would add organic eggs and apples to this list.

organic nation

There’s a reason why some farmers refuse to go organic: through the use of chemicals, their crops
(or their animals) get bigger faster, giving the farmers a bigger bang for their proverbial buck. And given that the success of a farming season can rely on uncontrollable variables, like what the weather decides to do, some farmers need the mental cushion that the chemicals give them. But the consumer has the final say, and as we can see with the growing organic section at our neighborhood grocery stores, organic food isn’t a passing fad. The next time you’re in the grocery store, take a look down the organic aisle, and you’ll see a wide variety of people perusing the shelves. Some of them probably haven’t even heard of Phish.

Resources:
www.ota.com
www.extremelygreen.com
www.annies.com
www.epa.gov
www.abbeysvegetarianrecipes.com
www.organicfoodee.com
www.kidsorganics.com

Top 10 Reasons Not to Sleep with Him

2008-02-05T10:49:00.000+08:00

As the weather outside grows cooler, you may be tempted to heat things up indoors. Forget cuddling – it’s time for something steamier. But look before you leap… because your new flame could be your next mistake. Here are 10 very good reasons not to knock boots with him...

1. You’re not as detached as you think.
Call it the curse (and blessing) of Sex and the City. Guys finally got the message that just because a woman wants to get naked with him doesn’t mean she wants a marriage proposal. However, it also advanced the idea of unemotional sex, which according to science is more difficult than it seems.

In her book Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love and Lose at Both (Riverhead Hardcover, 2007), author Laura Sessions Stepp highlights research studies that conclude having sex releases a different set of brain chemicals in women than men.

Specifically, women get a large dose of oxytocin, the hormone that makes you want to bond and create relationships. Men don’t get the oxytocin warm-fuzzies because of testosterone, making it easier for them to “love and leave,” at least biologically speaking.

Stepp says that evolution has hard-wired us for these tendencies, which can be confusing in our sexually liberated world. So be warned: You may want the sex to be casual… but you could end up with a serious case of attachment.

2. He may be cheating on someone else… with you!
Why is this your problem, you may ask? You’re not the one being unfaithful. But do you really want to be the “other woman?” The one who breaks up a relationship and causes another woman’s heartbreak? We’re guessing not.

Even the sneakiest guy can give away clues that he’s taken:
He only gives you his cell phone number and always leaves the room to take calls.
He’s quick to suggest hanging out at your place but never offers up his own digs.
He avoids taking you to certain neighborhoods (and not because they’re dangerous).
Suddenly no one has a name. He was out with “the guys” or “people from work.”
He becomes defensive when you ask him questions about his weekend plans, where he hangs out, etc.

Even if you’re not planning a long-term relationship with the guy, you should steer clear of him and his unfaithful ways. And if you’re hoping your night of passion leads to a hand-holding, boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, just know that once a cheater, always a cheater.

3. He’s a taker.
“Taking” isn’t always about money. A guy can be a taker in other ways – time, attention, your sexual generosity.

But first, the money: There’s no right or wrong about who pays for dates, as long as you’re both okay with the arrangement. However, if you open your wallet more often than you’d like and you’ve expressed this to him, then it’s probably time to cash in and call it quits.

He may also exploit your attraction in other ways. Can you pick him up from the airport? (Cabs cost so much!) Do his laundry? (He’s out of soap.) Host a couple of his buddies to watch the game? (You’re such a good cook.) Buy his mom a birthday present? (He has no idea what to get.) If any of these sound familiar, you’ve got a taker.

Unfortunately, this attitude usually continues in the bedroom. Don’t expect this guy to be attentive to your needs and preferences – most likely, his pleasure comes first and probably last.

4. He’s clingy.
It’s true that some women like this quality. But too often clingy turns into possessive, demanding and selfish.

Beware of someone who moves at the speed of light when trying to win you over. It’s usually a sign that he’s uncomfortable being by himself, or he’s looking for a woman to help solve his problems. Asking for intimacy too quickly or spilling loads of very personal information could be acts of desperation, and that’s definitely a bad sign in a significant other.

Signs that he’s clingy include:
He calls you several times a day and wants to talk for hours at a time, even when you have important things to do.
He becomes short-tempered or whiny when you want to spend time with anyone else.
He’s excessively close to his mom (or both parents). He may be expecting you to mother him the way she does.

5. He just got out of a relationship.
Timing can be everything. While a rebound relationship might work out for the best, a recent breakup is usually a big, glaring red flag. If you’ve been through a bad split, you know that it takes a long time to completely recover. And if your guy is newly single, he’s still going through the recovery process.

Most likely, he’s not ready for another long-term commitment, even if he thinks he is. Without knowing it, he may be seeking another relationship to prove to himself that he is still desirable and worthy of love and affection… especially if he didn’t initiate the breakup. He could also be looking for validation that he wasn’t at fault.

In short, he may be using you to fill his loneliness, whether he realizes it or not. Of course, guys aren’t always that introspective and may take a far simpler approach. You know those movies in which a guy’s buddies tell him he has to “nail some chick” to heal his broken heart? Don’t be that chick. Not unless you’re 100% sure your interest in him lies only below the belt.

6. He’s bad in bed.
Alas, usually you don’t discover this until you’re already in bed. However, there are clues that you’re in for a ho-hum hump.

First, think twice if he’s a bad kisser. Men who are terrible kissers are rarely good in bed. Perhaps it’s because they never learned proper technique, or they think they kiss just fine. If it’s the latter, he’s not going to be receptive to constructive criticism in bed.

Also, does he seem more interested in “scoring” than in you? Some guys are simply looking to add another notch to their bedpost. Men like this probably won’t take the time to find out what works for you between the sheets. Instead of a steamy, sexy romp, you could get a “wham-bam, thank ya, ma’am.”

Beware of factors that could take the wind out of his sails: he smokes, he’s taking medications for depression, he has a big belly, he’s not getting enough sleep. Any or all of these could result in erectile dysfunction. Unless he’s willing to compensate with other activities, your night of passion won’t end with a bang.

7. STDs
Unfortunately, women are more susceptible to STDs than men. It has nothing to do with promiscuity; women are simply more vulnerable to infection than men because of our anatomy. It’s easier for men to transmit infections to women than vice versa. STDs are also more difficult to detect in women.

There are more than 25 known STDs – some curable (chlamydia, gonorrhea), some not (HPV, herpes, HIV/AIDS). Many can be transmitted through oral sex – you’re not playing it any safer that way. In fact, having unprotected oral sex puts you at especially high risk for gonorrhea, syphilis, herpes, and hepatitis B. Condoms offer partial but not total protection against genital warts and genital herpes.

All this is enough to make a girl stay home and exclusively date Ben & Jerry. However, there’s no reason to swear off sex. Just go armed with condoms and questions about your future bedmate’s sexual history.

8. You’re drunk.
There are SO many reasons why this is a big don’t. Being intoxicated usually results in regrettable behavior and poor decisions. Like swinging from a chandelier… or forgoing a condom.

Between STDs, pregnancy risks and generally unscrupulous guys, being drunk isn’t the best time to make decisions about whom to, ahem, open yourself up to.

Those three Long Island iced teas may give you the courage to approach the hot guy you’ve been eyeing. But how do you know he really likes you? After all, your judgment is impaired. To him, you could be the slutty, sloshed girl who he hopes won’t puke in his bed.

Need another reason not to boink while under the influence? In the era of Web cams and sex tapes, your drunken fling may not stay private.

9. You’re not over your ex.
The same issues from #5 apply to women, too. Breakups are painful, and too often we try to forget that pain by getting naked with a new guy. (See related article: Are You Over Your Ex?)

However, jumping back into the dating scene may not be the bandage your broken heart needs, says Sandra Ann Miller, author of A Girlfriend’s Guide to Getting Over Him (SAME Ink, 2006). And sleeping with someone else isn’t revenge on your ex… unless your new flame is George Clooney.

“Put yourself on a guy diet for a while, and put all the attention on yourself,” Miller says. Hang out with friends, pick up interests or hobbies that have been neglected – in general, get to know yourself again.

As for the new guy, if he’s as great as you think, he won’t shut you out for not putting out. Become friends first, so when you’re ready to take it to the next level, you’ll know it’s for the right reason.

10. You’re not even attracted to him.
Sometimes we sleep with people we’re simply not attracted to. Maybe you’re lonely, bored or looking for confirmation that you’re desirable. In which case, you’re using him.

Despite positive portrayals of strong, sexy women who bed down with men casually, this may not be good for your mental health, particularly if you’re feeling vulnerable enough to have sex with a guy you don’t even like. In that case, the only person you’ll end up hurting is you.

You might think that shagging someone you don’t like will make you feel attractive and empowered, but those feelings are fleeting. Chances are you’ll actually end up feeling used, empty or guilty. The underlying problem hasn’t been addressed. And what about his feelings? You may not be attracted to him, but he could be hoping to develop a relationship with you.

Seek out a therapist’s help; he or she can help you figure out why you’re engaging in potentially destructive behavior.

Top 10: Effective Pickup Lines

2008-02-03T20:21:00.000+08:00

Effective pickup lines you should employ

Using pickup lines to get close to a woman is something we don't advocate. That’s because pickup lines generally imply that you lack the intelligence or charm to sweep a woman off her feet or, at the very least, get her to notice you. They also have a tendency to seem inherently cheesy and antiquated to all women -- this includes power-suit women, pole dancers and MILFs. We would much rather encourage you to use your creativity and wit to charm the pants off of women than to drop one-liners with intentions of making her melt right into your bed.

For the sake of this article, we won’t dismiss the value of pickup lines entirely; however, we will focus on introductory ice-breakers instead of cheesy lines. Guaranteeing the success of these types of pickup lines is not our purpose; we simply want to provide you with the motivation it takes to approach an attractive woman. Using effective pickup lines can prove successful, as they allow for further conversation, ease the tension and may put a smile on her face.

In general, pickup lines can be used anywhere and in any setting, which works well in environments that may feel intimidating. In the event you are the type of man who finds initiating conversation challenging, using effective pickup lines may be your only option. After all, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Here are 10 effective pickup lines for you to test the next time you’re on the prowl.

Number 10 "Excuse me, is this seat taken?"

Innocent, charming and polite. It is not always safe to assume that a woman sitting next to an empty chair is alone. Your consideration of the fact that she may be saving a seat for someone shows that you have class. What makes this an effective pickup line is the fact that its unobtrusive and gives her the opportunity to invite you to join her if she is alone.

Number 9 "Would you like to dance?"

Hopefully you have enough rhythm in your pants to actually dance. If you impress her with your skills, you might just find yourself at the bar talking about music, the DJ or even the venue. This is among the most effective pickup lines because women like to dance, and if you shuffle your feet right, you might end up doing a tongue tango or the horizontal shuffle.

Number 8 "Can I interest you in a glass of…?"

Insert the type of beverage for which the occasion calls. In most cases, we are speaking of an event or gathering that calls for a glass of wine or a pina colada, and if you’re in college, a beer. If it’s a toned-down occasion, you might offer a soda or lemonade. No matter where you are, this is one of our favorite pickup lines because it affords us the opportunity to display our skills as a connoisseur without being overt about it.

Number 7 "Do you come here often? I could use your opinion about something…"

Before that gulp of beer comes out your nose, hold on. We know that this one sounds like a cheesy pickup line, but you can make it work for you. If you are having a hard time choosing a dish, a beverage or even an article of clothing that best suits you, this is the time to solicit the help of a woman who may happen to frequent the place in question. If you utilize her choice and opinion as a topic of conversation, you’ll see that this is among the most effective pickup lines on the planet.

We have some more effective pickup lines to help you break the ice…

Number 6 "Excuse me; can you help me with…?"

Here’s where you can come up with a light task for her to help you with, such as winning a bet among friends, naming a song that is playing or even ordering a drink. This will make her feel as though you are interested in her and appreciative of her feedback, opinion or selection. Requesting her assistance gives her a non-verbal indication that you’re impressed with her appearance and ultimately states that her answer is valued.

Number 5 "Don’t you find this place…?"

Insert a word that best describes how you feel about the venue, such as classy, cool, chic, or off the hook. Hopefully, she will share the same opinion, which will ultimately lead to further conversation about the ambiance, the decor and places you have encountered that have similar attributes. Don’t, however, complain; doing so will dampen her mood and turn her off faster than an Eddie Murphy movie.

Number 4 "You look like you might be interested in some great conversation."

If you say this with the right tone and with enough attitude, it’ll put a smile on her face. While this effective pickup line helps you break the ice, it also spontaneously creates a topic to discuss. This could be anything from food to wine or from a current event to the venue. Be sure that you’re as willing to listen as you are to talk, and remember to keep it light and great, which is exactly what you offered.

Number 3 "Would you like an escort to your…"

When you notice a woman walking alone -- perhaps to her table, an elevator or even the bar -- it is always a nice gesture to politely offer her a sense of security. At the same time, it is highly likely that she won’t be walking very far, so exhibiting your charm will be essential to your attempt to break the ice once you’ve delivered your effective pickup line.

Number 2 "Wow! I really like that (insert item of clothing or fragrance) you’re wearing."

Women put great effort into preparing an ensemble that best reflects how they feel and how they want to be perceived by admirers. As such, your compliment tells her that her efforts did not go unnoticed. This small gesture will boost her confidence and earn you all access to front-row conversation. We suggest that you do a little research and arm yourself with tidbits of info relating to women’s fashion so that you will appear sincere while you exercise this highly effective pickup line.

Number 1 "I just thought you should know that you have a really nice…"

Sure, you could say something derogatory, but that would likely get you a slap across the face. But, complimenting features such as her smile, eyes or nose can go a long way in making a woman open up enough to converse with you. Who says flattery gets you nowhere? The key is to make sure that you are genuine about your observation -- women can tell when a guy is trying to lay it on thick just to get close.

the pickup artist

Just remember: Being cheesy isn’t cute and will get you dismissed faster than she can bat an eyelash. On the other hand, being clever and confident with your delivery can get you to the next level. If flattery remains your point of action, make sure not to lay it on too thick. Compliments should be delicate and poured on lightly to ensure their staying power. The objective is to create a conversation starter that best reveals your interest and your intent.

Moochers, Mama's Boys and More - 6 Relationship Red Flags

2008-02-01T11:26:00.000+08:00

You watch the red flags glare back at you, but gosh, he’s just so good-looking. So you dismiss them in favor of seeing where the relationship will go. The problem with turning a blind eye to those red flags of a relationship in the making is that eventually they’ll come back to haunt you. You could end up hurt and resentful, even though it was you who could have prevented it. The following are six red flags and warning signals of a doomed relationship.

To find that future partner who you can spend the rest of your life with, dating is necessary to separate the good from the bad, the complementary from the distracting.

Anyone who has ever been on the dating scene knows that you’ll encounter just about every type of guy imaginable.

But one thing’s for sure – the more you date, the more relationship red flags you’re bound to watch fly… and possibly ignore in your pursuit of love.

Unless you’re just in it for a fling or, ignoring red flags isn't the smartest move to make if you’re serious about finding that special someone.

In the end, when you're asking why it all went wrong, it's usually those red flags that were your first indicator to move on.

Find out why the following relationship red flags should have you saying “Next!” when it comes to embarking on a new relationship.

1. He still lives at home

More and more adults are still living at home these days.

So if it’s more common, should it really be considered a relationship red flag?

Yes! Men who still live at home are usually in no hurry to grow up, become independent or financially responsible. Are those the kind of traits you really want in a future partner?

The only time it might be acceptable for a man to still be living at home is if he’s taking care of aging parents or has temporarily fallen on hard times. In these cases, give him a temporary break.

2. He never invites you over

He’s quick to suggest hanging out at your place but never offers up his own digs.

This could clearly be a sign of concealment and should definitely be considered as a relationship red flag.

Maybe his home includes a family he’s not telling you about. Or maybe he's a hopeless slob whose home resembles the aftermaths of a hurricane.

Never inviting you over (or never wanting to be seen in public with you, not giving you contact info, giving you vague answers, etc.) could mean he’s cheating on someone else or it could simply mean that he’s embarrassed of something.

Whatever it is, you want a potential future partner to be open and honest with you about simple things.

3. He’s moving too quickly
Be aware of someone who moves at the speed of light when trying to win you over.

Moving too quickly is usually a sign that he’s uncomfortable being by himself or he’s looking for a woman to help solve his problems.

Asking for intimacy or marriage too quickly or spilling loads of very personal information all point to desperation.

Besides it being unattractive, clinginess and bad judgment are not traits you want a future partner to have.

Be especially wary if he has children he’s too quick to put you ahead of.

4. He constantly talks bad about an ex

He may not like his ex, but there’s no reason he should continue an ongoing verbal assault on her, no matter how sour the relationship went.

Not only is he offering too much information, but it makes him look tacky, resentful and unwilling to take responsibility for his shortcomings in the relationship.

Plus, if your relationship doesn’t work out, would you want him constantly talking bad about you later on?

Be aware of a guy who talks too freely about past relationships or exes in general, especially if it’s all negative. He may be dealing with a heavy load of unresolved anger.

5. Excessive Parental Attachment

It is one thing to love your mother and father, but it’s another thing to have an excessive relationship with them when you’re an adult.

“Excessive” in these terms means “being a mama’s boy,” only having your parents as your friends, letting your parents influence you in every facet of your life, etc.

Besides, excessive parental attachment doesn’t bode well in a marriage because he’ll probably put them ahead of you, which will undoubtedly damage your relationship.

6. He’s fresh out of a relationship
Timing can be everything, but when you could potentially get involved in a rebound relationship, it may be time to move on.

While rebound relationships occasionally work out for the best, it’s usually one of the relationship red flags to be very cautious of.

If you’ve been through a break-up, you know that it takes a long time to completely recover.

Chances are if he’s fresh out of a relationship, he’s going through the recovery process, which leaves him little time to completely focus on you. He may also be using you to temporarily fill his loneliness, whether he realizes it or not.

If you do nothing else, at least take heed of these relationship red flags, no matter how great his other attributes may be.

It could be the difference between inevitable heartache and happiness with another man who only flies with the color green.

6 Tips to Survive the Split

2008-01-31T23:05:00.000+08:00

Dealing Delicately with Divorce

Are you divorced or considering a divorce? Even if it’s the right decision, dissolving a marriage is one of the most traumatic experiences that life serves up. But you can ease your journey by anticipating – and coping with – these six issues you are likely to face…

Everything in your life is about to change, including your relationship with your children, other family members and even friends. You will change, too, as you mourn the loss of your relationship and the hopes you had for your marriage. However, this transformation is an essential step before you can rebuild a better life, says Dr. Nicholas V. Tornatore, Ph.D., a mental health counselor with a private practice in Brooklyn, New York. “Divorce is an unpleasant solution to an unpleasant problem that has to be faced realistically and with the truth.”

Weathering the surprises can be tough, too, like the silence you may face about your divorce. People don’t show up at the door with casseroles as they would if your spouse had died. And yet, emotionally, a divorce can feel like a kind of death.

“People are shocked at the impact (divorce) has on every single area of their life,” says Deb Barela, director of Single Adult Ministries at the First Presbyterian Church in Colorado Springs, Colorado, where she offers secular divorce recovery workshops. And that’s true even when it’s you who initiates the split.

The emotional journey, the surprises and the changes can all offer insight and wisdom, especially if you work through the divorce with awareness and calm. Yet no matter how Zen-like you may be about the split, there are a few landmines to watch out for. Here are six of the most common, and how to deal with them.

1. Apply the brakes

With one life-altering change may come the desire for a completely fresh start: a different job, a change of address or even a new city. Curb that impulse for now. Although doing all three may ultimately be right for your new life, now is not the time to make such drastic changes. It takes at least a year for the high emotions caused by divorce to settle, Tornatore says. “If you have stress and a sense of alarm, your decisions are affected.” And a year from now, you may regret such hasty choices.

2. Beware of new love

“If you start to date – even if you realize you just want to be emotionally rescued – then it’s healthy,” Tornatore says. “It’s when you blindly romanticize about being rescued that you’re in danger.” If you don’t trust yourself to be realistic about a new relationship, hold off on dating until your emotions and thoughts are clearer.

Barela, who counsels several hundred newly divorced persons annually, agrees. “To attract healthy, you have to be healthy. What happens to so many people is they’re not willing to give themselves time to become healthy.” The result? You’ll be far more likely to rush into another bad match and repeat the same mistakes.

3. Acknowledge tough emotions

After divorce, an emotional vacuum remains that often gets filled by loneliness, sadness and their unwelcome cousin: desperation. “Such emotions are going to occur,” Tornatore says. “Don’t deny them.” Instead, try to acknowledge and accept what you feel. Reading articles or books that help you reflect on your feelings and your spirituality can be soothing. And try not to let those feelings isolate you: Reaching out to friends and family can also help.

For some, divorce may actually ease the loneliness they felt within a marriage to an unavailable partner. “I don’t think there is a lonelier place in the world than to be married and lonely,” says Barela, who teaches her workshop participants that being single doesn’t necessarily condemn them to loneliness.

She advises joining singles groups (where you can meet both men and women) and inviting acquaintances to movies, to dinner or just to hang out – even if this means stepping out of your comfort zone.

4. Consider the kids

If children are involved, expect the emotional repercussions to magnify. Kids want stability and a divorce is its antithesis. What to do? Minimize their stress by refusing to bad-mouth your ex, no matter how much anger or hurt exists between you. Don’t draw children into your marital strife and personal problems. Instead, turn to adult friends,family, a therapist, or a minister. Allow your children to remain children.

“I tell parents, ‘I don’t care if you [and your ex-spouse] dislike each other for years. You’re adults. Rise above it and mutually parent for the sake of the children,’” Tornatore says. Those who do may be rewarded by seeing their children grow stronger in the process.

Instead of worrying about the damage that divorce may do to your children, remind yourself what your unhealthy relationship with your spouse may have been teaching them. “Children are great mimickers,” Tornatore says. “If a couple is not showing love, affection and appreciation of one another, children see active misery as a way to live in a relationship.”

Children who see their parents make healthier life choices often feel more confidence and security, Tornatore adds. “They come to trust their parents much more when they have [made] a decision to make their lives better.”

5. Find a divorce recovery group

Run, don’t walk to the nearest divorce recovery workshop, Barela advises. Gathering with other newly divorced people helps quell the shame some feel from such a public failure. According to Barela, participants in her workshops are universally surprised by how many other people attend. “They think they’re the only ones going through a divorce so coming here provides an immediate sense of comfort,” Barela says.

To find a recovery group near you, check with local churches and social service agencies. The courthouse or chamber of commerce may have a list of support groups. You can also try the phone book and the Internet. DivorceCare.com, for instance, offers a group finder for people in the United States and Canada. It also offers information about starting your own group.

6. Learn to forgive

If you have children, practice forgiveness: It will make their path through your divorce much easier. If you don’t have children, do it for yourself. Forgiving your ex for transgressions is key to rebuilding a healthy emotional life.

Of course, forgiveness is one of the toughest tasks you’ll face, especially if either you or your ex is bent on revenge. In her workshops, Barela depicts the impact of carrying spousal anger by strapping a dummy on her back. Without forgiveness, she says, you become a prisoner to your ex-spouse. The anger keeps him with you day and night, even controlling your decisions.

To break that imprisonment she advises writing a “forgiveness letter” to your ex. The good news is you don’t even have to send the darn thing. You just need to write it. “You’ll feel so much better,” she says of completing the exercise. “If you carry hurt with you for life, you hurt yourself, you hurt your children, and you never get to live the life you were meant to live.”

Want to forgive, but don’t want to do it for your ex? Then do it for yourself. After all, the best revenge is living well.

5 Steps to Mastering Pillow Talk

2008-01-27T08:34:00.000+08:00

Dirty Conversations Can Be Good, Clean Fun

It happens in most relationships. You’ve been together awhile and your sex life has gone from sizzling to stale. The secret to turning up the heat may be the art of (dirty) conversation, otherwise known as pillow talk. There’s no need to go X-rated. You’d be surprised at how just a few blush-worthy phrases can bring you and your partner closer together. Not sure how to do it? No problem. Here’s a how-to guide to pillow talk…

I’m really not sure how it happened, but sometime after the birth of my son I lost the ability to talk dirty in bed. I’d been able to do it before. In the heat of passion, I could say things that wouldn’t be out of place in a Sharon Stone movie. But suddenly, the best I could muster was, “Faster, slower, a little to the left, down a bit, there you go.” When it came to the really titillating pillow talk, I was drawing a blank.

I was bewildered. My husband was puzzled and, I think, a little hurt. What had happened to his R-rated woman?

I understood that it was connected to having the baby, but the change surprised me. I’d figured that I wouldn’t have a problem separating daytime “Mom” from nighttime “Vixen.” But as my son’s second birthday approached, I had to admit that I’d underestimated the muzzling effect of motherhood. I needed some help.

I contacted Emma Taylor and Lorelei Sharkey, aka Em & Lo, the sex experts behind Nerve’s Guide to Sex Etiquette for Ladies and Gentlemen (Plume, 2004), to get their opinion. And apparently, I’m not alone. “People are absolutely terrified by the idea of dirty talk,” Em & Lo say. “They always want us to tell them what to say. We think it’s because people think they should suddenly be able to sound like they’re reciting porno dialogue, and that’s just so intimidating.”

Yet pillow talk can greatly enhance the quality of sexual relationships. Apart from making sex more entertaining, a 2006 Elle/MSNBC survey of nearly 78,000 people found that naughty talk made sex last longer – an extra 19 to 23 minutes!

“It’s a matter of redefining what it means to talk dirty,” Em and Lo say. “Pretty much anything you say in the heat of the moment counts as dirty talk, unless it’s ‘Oh crap! I forgot to put out the recycling.’”

Yet what if you can’t stop thinking about diapers, toilet paper, the mortgage, or the grocery list during sex? I don’t think murmuring “Pampers, we need Pampers” is what my husband had in mind. I needed a crash course in some sexy pillow talk.

So I called Josey Vogels, advice columnist and author of Bedside Manners: Sex Etiquette Made Easy (Harper Collins Canada, 2004).

Vogels also assured me that my predicament wasn’t unusual, especially in the married-with-toddler stage. “When you’re in that throw-each-other-against-the-wall phase early on, it’s easy to let yourself go and be that lusty self, tapping into the raw, very crass part of our sexuality that we don’t get to express anywhere else,” she says. “But relationships are designed for us to settle into a more comfortable, secure place. And that pushes that lustiness out of the way.”

But I was determined to get my voice back. So I pressed him for more advice. According to Vogels, it comes down to anticipation.

“We always think that early in a relationship it’s all spontaneous, but it’s really not that spontaneous,” Vogels says. “Think about the anticipation and the build-up when you’re going out on a Friday night with someone you’re just starting to see. You’re thinking about it all week.”

“When you see each other all the time, you don’t get that anticipation and build-up. So you have to create it,” Vogels says. “[Talking dirty] requires build-up. It requires desire. It requires anticipation.”

If I could again tap into my inner vixen, the words, Vogels assured me, would come quite naturally. “The really explicit talk will happen when you’re so turned on that you don’t care what comes out of your mouth. You get to that point where it has its own momentum and then you’re back in the game.”

Below are Vogels’ five tips for building that momentum:

1. Get your motor humming before bedtime

“We expect to get into bed and be immediately turned on,” Vogels says. “But that doesn’t happen when you’ve been together a long time and you’ve got kids and busy lives. It’s not like you suddenly switch on this gear and become this sex goddess.”

The best way to turn into that sex goddess come bedtime? Start revving your and his engine early in the day. Leave him a flirty phone message or send him a suggestive email. About one in three of respondents in the Elle/MSNBC survey said they use some kind of verbal foreplay to sexually tease their partners.

The message doesn’t even need to be very explicit to have the desired effect. Simply a call or email that says I’m thinking about you plants a little seed, Vogels says. “It’s eroticizing your partner again, reminding you that your relationship isn’t all routine.”

2. Read some erotica

Books by Harold Robbins and Judith Krantz have their steamy bits. But sometimes you really just want to cut to the chase.

Finding a good story serves two purposes. First, it helps rev you up. Second, erotica is a terrific antidote if you freeze up when your partner craves some stimulating conversation. “There’s no rule that the material has to be original,” Vogels says. So if you find a sexy story, steal it. Recount the plot to your partner, inserting yourselves as the main characters. There’s also a certain safe quality about this, Vogels says, because “you’re playing a role, so the words coming out of your mouth can be less associated with the person you are outside of the bedroom.”

Fortunately, you don’t have to make an embarrassing trip to the bookstore for some titillating paperbacks; you can find what you’re looking for online. Good Vibrations (GoodVibes.com) has an excellent selection of erotic stories for all persuasions.

3. Relive your past adventures

Your previous sexcapades – the time you got busy in the backseat of a cab or in the laundry room at your parents house – is another excellent source of ready-made sexy material. It can be even better than a book… because it really happened to you! Reminiscing about earlier adventures removes the burden of coming up with something erotic on the spot.

4. Shower him with compliments

When you’re really at a loss for words, complimenting just about anything about your partner – his sensuous lips, the feel of his chest, the way his fingers touch you – eliminates the pressure to be creative. Or simply comment on the action: “The way you ____ drives me wild” will undoubtedly be well-received. Vogels recommends focusing on a very specific thing your partner does – for example, the way he kisses that spot on your neck and how it makes you feel.

5. Share a fantasy

This could be considered “advanced sexy talk” for when you get more comfortable with naughty pillow talk. The idea is to narrate a scenario that hasn’t necessarily happened, but that you might like to happen. Maybe you want to play head cheerleader to his quarterback or you’d like to play an X-rated game of doctor. “It allows you to push your sexual limits and talk about things without actually having to experience them,” Vogels says.

However, when you share a fantasy you’re definitely going out on a limb, especially if you’re not sure how your partner will react. “It’s opening up a window to who you are sexually, and that can make you feel vulnerable,” Vogels says. “But if your partner is receptive to it, then it’s like Wow! This is great!”

After taking in Vogels’ advice, I decided to put it into action. Reading a titillating story did, in fact, put me in the mood. After an afternoon of Sesame Street, it certainly got my erotic mind whirring. That night, when my husband and I finally called it a night, I was a bit less interested in going right to sleep.

Playing “Remember when…” was a bit more effective. Without feeling like I had to come up with an entire plot, I relaxed and just let the words flow. And as Vogels mentioned, the more I got into it, the dirtier my language got. At last, my erotic laryngitis was gone. I’d gotten my voice back.

Want to learn more? Get your own copies of Nerve’s Guide to Sex Etiquette for Ladies and Gentlemen and Bedside Manners: Sex Etiquette Made Easy.

Out Damned Spot

2008-01-26T10:45:00.001+08:00

You've just spilled red wine on a white tablecloth, dripped orange juice down your dress and dropped a strawberry on your couch. Apart from being incredibly unlucky, you've also created some stains that can be a little tricky to remove. In The Penguin Book of Keeping House: The Complete Guide to Cleaning and Caring for Your Home, Cerentha Harris suggests these no-fuss tips for removing fabric stains quickly and easily:

Berries Rub the spot with lemon juice, leave for one to two hours, then wash as usual.

Fruit juice Rinse in lots of cold water a�� hot can set the stain. Wash as usual. If the stain remains, try soaking in bleach or treating with a commercial stain-remover.

Grass Soak natural fibres in two parts methylated spirits to one part cloudy ammonia and three parts hot water. Wash as usual.

Lipstick, make-up Rub the spot with a cloth that's been dipped in water and a little cloudy ammonia.

Perfume This can discolour fabric, often leaving a brown stain. Treat with

glycerine a�� leave for a few hours and then wash in warm soapy water. Make sure you rinse well.

Wine Use soda water immediately on clothes to mop up. Repeat until the mark has disappeared, then wash the garment as usual.

Can Magnets Help You Stop Smoking?

2008-01-25T08:23:00.000+08:00

They may go on your ears, but they’re not exactly jewelry. Two small, gold-plated magnets putting the squeeze on specific pressure points on your upper ear may do more than dress you up. These tiny magnets are alleged to help you stop smoking… but do they really live up to the hype?

Clap a magnet to each side of your upper ear three to four hours a day for a month, and you may be able to clear your medicine cabinet of the plethora of patches, medications, gum, inhalers, and shock sticks you’ve tried in your battle to quit sucking smoke. At least, that’s the claim of the manufacturer of Zerosmoke, a set of magnets attached to the ear that work like acupressure to help smokers break the habit.

Could a few tiny pieces of metal really be the key to smoking cessation? Its maker claims an 80% success rate, explaining that the magnet set – available over the Internet for around $40 – works by applying gentle pressure to the ear, which releases endorphins, or feel-good chemicals that help reduce the urge to smoke.

Wear the magnets for six days, smoking freely. Then go cold turkey, wearing them for another three weeks. By then, according to the maker, your smoking days are over.

A Reality Check

With other smoking cessation aids such as antidepressants and nicotine replacement achieving at best a 30%-35% success rate, skepticism remains regarding Zerosmoke’s assertion that the product is 80% effective. No independent, published studies support the company’s claims, and investigations of acupressure, including acupressure beads attached to the ear, show no effect on withdrawal symptoms. And while Zerosmoke says the application of the magnets stimulate the release of endorphins, it is a different brain chemical that contributes to nicotine addiction.

Nicotine affects brain receptors that release dopamine – a neurotransmitter that affects addiction and pleasure. A reduction in dopamine may be the culprit leading to miserable withdrawal symptoms such as irritability, anxiety, difficulty concentrating, and anger.

Magnets have been touted as a medical therapy for several thousand years. Ancient Hindu teachings from 2000 B.C. tout the therapeutic use of magnets as did the ancient Athenian philosopher Aristotle. Cleopatra may also have worn a magnetic on her forehead to preserve her legendary youth and beauty.

In general, magnet manufacturers say the devices work by increasing blood flow, attracting the iron atoms or water ions in the blood. Others suggest that magnets alter nerve impulses, affect the acidity of body fluids or increase the flow of oxygen. But in fact, the effect of most magnets is only skin deep, and the reality is that blood and water are repelled rather than drawn by magnets.

Several companies sell over-the-counter magnets to treat everything from arthritis to weight loss to muscle aches and pain. But despite plenty of research into the effects of magnets on human cells, scientists have come up with only limited evidence of their effectiveness. The most likely cause of any benefit is the power of suggestion, or placebo effect.

Magnetic Attraction

Still, medical magnets do have important uses. Most commonly, they are used in diagnostic equipment. For example, an MRI scanner uses powerful magnets to generate images of water-containing human tissues.

Medical magnets are also used to guide catheters into the heart for repairs. The use of powerful magnetic fields has no known side effects (unless you have something magnetic on or in you – then watch out; an MRI can heat up and actually move metal inside the human body).

Several research projects have reported encouraging results with transcranial magnetic stimulation, or TMS, the use of powerful magnets to treat depression. Electromagnets are applied to the skull over the front of the brain, an area associated with mood regulation. TMS may have an effect on brain function and chemical activity, perhaps by stimulating the mood-regulating structures. Not yet approved by the FDA for treatment of depression, TMS can only be used as part of an experimental protocol. And while it may soon be a non-drug treatment option for depression, it won’t be marketed for smoking.

Other Smoke-Out Choices

If magnets don’t work for smoking cessation, what other remedies are available?

Over- the-counter nicotine replacement therapies (NRT)

Using the patch, gum, nasal spray, or lozenges – all designed to help you quit smoking – can increase your chances by as much as 50%-100%. However, only 5% of quitters who use nicotine replacement make it a full year without picking the habit back up. Other studies have shown up to a 15% success rate at the one year mark.

Some products replace cigarette nicotine with a controlled release of nicotine into your bloodstream that curbs cravings while slowly weaning you from the nicotine addiction. Some suppress the urge to smoke while others block nicotine’s effect.

Combination therapies

The most effective therapy appears to be the combination of nicotine replacement and an anti-depressant called Zyban that also lessens your physical cravings. Zyban helps your brain release dopamine, a feel-good chemical, reducing your dependence on nicotine.

But Zyban does have some side effects: headaches, nausea, vomiting, constipation, changes in appetite, dizziness, and confusion. And people under age 24 may have suicidal thoughts when they first take it.

Zyban and nicotine inhalers also require a prescription. A recent study examined Zyban and NRT both alone and in combination. For smokers taking only Zyban, the initial success rate was 36%, and 30% stopped smoking after one year. When NRT and Zyban were combined, the initial and one year success rates were 39% and 35.5%, respectively.

A French study found that the use of a nicotine inhaler and a patch may be more effective than either therapy alone. After one year on the combination therapy, 19.5% of the smokers kicked the habit compared to a 14% success rate among the group who used only the inhaler.

Varenicline (Chantix)

Specifically developed to help smokers quit, Varenicline curbs cravings and withdrawal symptoms. This pill also appears to block nicotine from attaching to receptors within the body, which lowers the sense of satisfaction from smoking.

Clinical trials conducted by the manufacturer show that 44% of those taking the medication were smoke-free after 12 weeks, a rate comparable to the inhaler/patch combination. Varenicline has some side effects such as nausea, constipation, gas, vomiting, and changes in dreaming. About 30% of people are nauseated when they first take the drug.

However, after one year, only one in five patients remained smoke-free, a smaller success rate than Zyban alone or Zyban plus NRT and about the same as those using inhalers plus patches.

Before you start any over-the-counter treatment, check with your doctor; he or she may be able to help. And consider signing up for a local support group who can cheer on your efforts.

Dr. Mao’s Secrets of Self-Healing

2008-01-24T21:31:00.000+08:00

Simple, At-Home Cures for 5 Common Ailments

What do Denzel Washington, Sheryl Crow, Helen Hunt, and Jim Carrey all have in common? These A-list celebrities put their health in the hands of Maoshing Ni, an anti-aging expert and doctor of Chinese medicine. Better known as Dr. Mao, this healer to the stars shares insights into optimal wellness in his new book, Secrets of Self-Healing (Avery, 2007). Dr. Mao reveals how you can use Eastern and Western medicine to take charge of your health…

Everyday ailments such as headaches, insomnia and the flu can take a toll on your physical and emotional well-being. But most people don’t realize that they have the power to take control of their health issues without leaving home, says Dr. Mao, best-selling author and co-founder of Yo San University of Traditional Chinese Medicine in Los Angeles. “What I’m trying to alert people to is that they do have a responsibility and power in helping themselves heal whatever ailment there is,” he says. “They should not expect doctors to do it all for them. Patients must realize they’re part of the healing process.”

Having earned a reputation among Hollywood’s elite, Dr. Mao is bringing Eastern medicine into the mainstream. He’s been featured in the New York Times and Los Angeles Times and has even inspired a character on an episode of Sex and the City. “What it shows is that Chinese medicine has begun to enter the consciousness of the mainstream,” Dr. Mao says. “Why not help yourself with your own innate capabilities?”

Dr. Mao’s self-healing techniques combine diet, supplements and herbal therapies with exercise, acupressure (acupuncture without the needles) and behavioral therapy. He stresses that patients should be part of their own healing process, integrating both Eastern and Western medicine for optimal results. Here, Dr. Mao shares simple remedies from Chinese medicine for five everyday health conditions.

1. Acne

Puberty, pregnancy and menopause. Acne can plague people at any point in their lives. Fortunately, there are natural remedies to control breakouts even when antibiotics, creams and cleansers fall short.

Diet: Eat plenty of fruits and vegetables such as squash, cucumbers, watermelon, celery, carrots, cabbage, beet tops, aloe vera, raspberries, carrot tops, lettuce, potatoes, cherries, papaya, and pears. Buckwheat, alfalfa sprouts, brown rice, lentils, and split peas can also improve acne. Avoid excess sugar, dairy products, chocolate, caffeine, and fried and processed foods.

Home remedies: For a soothing topical treatment, apply two tablespoons of plain organic yogurt to the affected area 3-5 times a day. Leave it on for 20 minutes before washing off.

Daily supplements: A zinc deficiency can contribute to acne problems because this essential mineral plays a key role in sebum production. Dr. Mao recommends taking up to 30 milligrams of zinc a day to help relieve symptoms of acne.

Herbal therapy: A traditional Chinese remedy consisting of siler, rhubarb, peony, angelica, astragalus and other herbs can also help relieve acne. The formula is available online, in Chinese herbal stores and from acupuncturists under the name Fang Feng Tong Sheng San. Tea tree oil can also be dabbed on blemishes to eliminate bacteria and reduce inflammation.

Exercise: Brisk walking, biking, running and other cardio exercise can increase circulation and boost skin immunity. Plus, perspiration can help unblock pores and follicles so sebum (the oily secretions that block skin follicles and cause breakouts) can be discharged. Be sure to wash immediately after exercising to keep skin clean.

Acupressure: Locate the “Inner Court” (ST-44) acupoint in the soft tissue between the second and third toes of your right foot. With your right index finger and thumb, pinch the web between the two toes. Hold for 3-5 minutes. Repeat on the left foot.

2. Cold & Flu

One in three Americans suffers from a cold each year. The runny nose, headache and fever can make life miserable, but Dr. Mao’s recommendations can help you get you back on your feet quickly. And relief might be as close as your own kitchen.

Diet: For a wind cold – which is how Chinese medicine classifies the common cold – warming and dispersing foods are encouraged to promote perspiration and remove pathogens from the skin. Dr. Mao prescribes ginger, garlic, mustard greens and seeds, grapefruit peel, cilantro, parsnips, scallions, basil, and cinnamon. In general, eat as little solid food as possible to avoid burdening the immune system, but drink plenty of warm fluids such as soups, porridges and tea.

Home remedies: Make a tea by boiling one chopped garlic clove, three slices of ginger, one chopped scallion, some basil, and a pinch of cinnamon in three cups of water for five minutes. Strain. Drink the tea hot, then get into bed. Cover up and prepare to sweat. Sweating opens the pores and releases pathogens trapped in the skin. Drink at least three cups of this tea daily until symptoms subside.

Daily supplements: Taking up to 50 milligrams of zinc a day can help reduce the symptoms of the common cold.

Herbal therapy: If you feel a cold coming on, Dr. Mao recommends ginger, kudzu root, osha (a member of the parsley family), yarrow, garlic and astragalus to help nip illness in the bud. All can be found in capsule form at health food stores.

Exercise: When you have a cold, exercise depletes the body of qi, the vital energy needed to fight pathogens. Instead, Dr. Mao recommends rest.

Acupressure: Locate the “Valley of Harmony” (LI-4) acupoint in the web between your thumb and index finger on your right hand. Apply steady pressure with your left thumb until you feel soreness. Hold for two minutes. Repeat on the left hand. This pressure point is traditionally stimulated to support immune functions and detoxification.

3. Headaches

According to Chinese medicine, pain is the body signaling a blockage of energy and blood. Adjusting your lifestyle and diet can ease the discomfort, and finding the cause of your headache can help prevent them altogether. However, if your debilitating headaches don’t respond to over-the-counter medication, or if you wake up in the middle of the night with intense head pain, see your doctor or go to the emergency room immediately.

Diet: Eat wholesome foods free of preservatives, additives and other processed ingredients. Artificial colors and preservatives, such as sulfites in wines and dried fruits, can cause headaches. Dr. Mao recommends enhancing your diet with fiber-rich foods. These include whole grains, green leafy vegetables, parsley, mint, green tea, onions, ginger, pearl barley, carrots, prunes, buckwheat, peach kernels, and almonds.

Food: Have smaller, more frequent meals. Don’t eat on the run or while under stress. Avoid eating late at night and don’t lie down right after a meal.

Home remedies: Mix five drops of lavender essential oil in one cup of warm water. Soak a small towel in the water and wring it dry. Place the towel on your forehead as a compress to alleviate headaches.

Daily supplements: Dr. Mao recommends magnesium (500 milligrams) and calcium (1,000 milligrams) to help control muscle spasms and relieve tension headaches.

Herbal therapy: Make a tea by boiling two tablespoons each of chrysanthemum flowers, cassia seeds and mint leaves in four cups of water for 15 minutes. Strain and drink three cups a day until the headache subsides. According to Dr. Mao, these herbs help clear sinuses and reduce pressure in the head. Dried chrysanthemum flowers and cassia seeds are available at many health food stores, as well as teas made from both these ingredients.

Exercise: Avoid vigorous exercise because it can worsen headache pain. Walking outside helps stimulate blood flow and relieve headaches. Be sure to breathe in deeply.

Acupressure: Find the “Greater Yang” (Taiyang) acupoint in the indentation of the temples. Stimulate it with the knuckles of your thumbs or tips of your index fingers. Massage in a circular motion for five minutes.

4. Low Libido

In classic Chinese medicine sexual desire is driven by the yang, or fire energy, of the kidney-adrenal system. But when diet, age or lifestyle interferes with that energy, your libido can take a nose dive. Dr. Mao’s remedies boost the kidney-adrenal fire by supporting hormonal function and aligning the mind and body to allow people to reconnect with their sexuality. (See related tip: Lift Your Libido Naturally)

Diet: Libido-enhancing foods are typically warming and pungent in nature to help motivate the body’s fire (or yang) energy. Dr. Mao’s recommendations include garlic, onions, scallions, leeks, chives, ginger, cinnamon, fennel, turmeric, cayenne pepper, black pepper, and horseradish. Also helpful for a low libido: lentils, black beans, kidney beans, sesame seeds, walnuts, yams, sea cucumber, blueberries, raspberries, and cranberries, as well as organic shrimp, eggs, lamb and chicken. Avoid dairy and raw or cold foods; they can cause dampness in the body, which decreases circulation in the sex organs.

Home remedies: Try Dr. Mao’s libido soup. Boil one chopped onion, one chopped leek, three chopped chive stalks, 10 slices fresh ginger root, and one teaspoon each of turmeric and cayenne in four cups of canned chicken stock for 30 minutes. Eat at least one bowl a day.

Daily supplements: The combination of zinc and essential fatty acids – such as those found in fish oil, flaxseed oil and evening primrose oil – can provide hormonal support.

Herbal therapy: According to Chinese medicine, Korean ginseng, available online and in health food and vitamin stores, can enhance sexual desire and potency.

Exercise: Dr. Mao recommends 30 minutes of walking or jogging daily plus tai chi or qi gong. These ancient Chinese exercises involve breathing and physical postures. Kegel exercises can help strengthen the lower pelvic floor muscles and help prevent prostate problems in men and incontinence in women.

Acupressure: Find the “Restore Flow” (KID-7) acupoint three finger-widths above the inner ankle bone of the right foot. Apply pressure with your right thumb until you feel soreness. Hold for three minutes. Repeat on the left foot.

5. Obesity

Eight out of 10 American adults are overweight, and obesity contributes to a variety of preventable ailments including diabetes, hypertension and heart disease. To avoid or reverse the effects of unhealthy patterns, Dr, Mao recommends a balanced diet, exercise and natural healing regimen.

Diet: Eat a balanced diet rich in wholesome organic foods and free from preservatives, additives and artificial colors or flavors. Follow an eating schedule of five small meals each day. To regulate your routine, sit at the table and eat slowly. Do not eat after 7 p.m. and don’t skip breakfast.

Home remedies: Mix two tablespoons of apple cider vinegar and one teaspoon of maple syrup into 12 ounces of warm water. Drink the solution every morning on an empty stomach to promote digestion and increase metabolism.

Daily supplements: Dr. Mao recommends chromium to help stabilize blood sugar. This mineral increases cell sensitivity to insulin, which prevents excess blood sugar from being stored as fat.

Herbal therapy: Dandelion greens, available at organic food stores, can help regulate metabolism and promote weight loss from water retention.

Exercise: Walk often and as long as you can. After each meal, travel 100 paces at any speed, and start or finish your day with a brisk 30-minute walk.

Acupressure: Find the “Foot Three Miles” (ST-36) acupoint four finger-widths below the kneecap on the right leg. Apply moderate pressure with your right thumb until you feel soreness. Hold for two minutes. Repeat on the left leg.

Cold and Flu Survival Guide

2008-01-20T14:19:00.000+08:00

Our mothers had it right when it came to avoiding colds and flu: Cover your mouth, eat chicken soup and wear your coat. But just because Mom said to rest and down glass after glass of orange juice doesn’t mean those are guaranteed cures. Below are the top 10 ways to survive cold and flu season…

1. Washing works

One sure way to reduce your risk of getting sick is keeping your hands clean. Most cold and flu viruses are spread by direct contact: To get sick you have to touch something contaminated by someone who already has the virus. Blankets and pillows on airplanes are notorious for harboring nasty bugs. And health clubs that don’t scrub down their equipment may not be so healthy after all. Television remote controls are also havens for viruses.

But washing our hands all day is easier said than done. We come into contact with contaminated surfaces pretty much every time we set our palms down. And we’re reluctant, hurried scrubbers: Only two-thirds of men and 80% of women wash their hands after using the restroom – and most don’t wash adequately. The CDC recommends a 20-second scrub – about the time is takes to sing the alphabet song at a moderate pace, a lot longer than most people spend.

Another winning strategy: Keep a bottle of hand-sanitizing gel with you and use it frequently. These gels are highly effective and often less harsh on your skin than frequent soap and water washes.

2. Hands off

Beware of contaminated surfaces, fixtures and other shared objects. If you think you touched an unsanitary surface, don’t touch your face until after you clean your hands. And nail biters beware: Viruses are spread by bringing your now-contaminated hands into contact with mucous membranes in your mouth, nose or eyes. From there, the viruses scoot into your throat, nose and sinuses. At home, make sure whoever has a cold doesn’t go near anybody else’s towels.

3. Get a shot

For those whose immune systems are weak – the elderly, young children and diabetics – a flu shot can be a life saver, lessening the impact of the flu virus. Most doctors recommend the shot for all age groups. The vaccine is an inactive virus, so it won’t actually give you the flu – although in rare cases, people develop flu-like symptoms for a day or two after a shot.

4. Stay home

If you’re the one who’s sick, there’s no reason to spread the misery. Call in sick so you won’t infect others with your sneezing and coughing.

However, if you can’t stay home, take precautionary measures to limit other people’s exposure. Covering your mouth and nose may prevent a germ-laden blast, but it will leave your hands covered with germs. Wash frequently, which will limit how many people you infect. Use a disposable tissue or, if stuck without one, cough into your elbow or arm instead. But really, do everyone a favor and stay home.

5. Check your medicine cabinet

The use of vitamin C to treat or prevent colds has many supporters, including the late Nobel Prize-winning scientist Linus Pauling. But most studies have not shown much effect, particularly on those who already had a cold. Some studies suggest, however, that children who regularly take vitamin C before a cold may suffer fewer days of illness.

Those overexposed to cold temperatures or who are under stressful conditions, such as soldiers and endurance athletes, seem to benefit the most from preventive vitamin C: They had as much as a 50% reduction in colds.

Echinacea, too, has had mixed reports. However, a recent study in the journal Lancet Infectious Diseases has reopened the debate. Researchers at the University of Connecticut found that preventive use of echinacea reduced chances of developing a cold by 58% and reduced a cold’s duration by a day and a half.

Zinc is another controversial therapy. Half the controlled studies looking at its effectiveness found that zinc reduced the cold’s severity and/or duration. The other half found no such effect. And no research has shown a preventive effect. A review of more than 100 studies on zinc and colds by Stanford University found that zinc nasal gel may cut a cold’s duration, but not the chances of catching a cold.

One caution, though: More than 80 milligrams of zinc per day may increase the likelihood of urinary tract infections in women.

Yet soups may do even more: In 2000, researchers found that chicken soup might contain a number of anti-inflammatory substances. The findings don’t mean chicken soup’s a cure but certainly it’s a comforting way to nourish your way back to wellness.

8. Stay warm

Chilly temperatures do not cause colds or flu; winter is simply the time when viruses tend to spread. But the stress that can come from chronic cold exposure may lower your immune system, making you more vulnerable to viruses. So your mother was right: Pull out the hats and gloves.

9. Call your doctor

Two antiviral medications have been approved by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) – Tamiflu and Relenz. If you start taking them within the first two days of flu symptoms, they may reduce both the intensity and the duration of your symptoms. Doctors usually prescribe them for five days. Alas, no antiviral medications can curb the common cold.

While most colds go away without incident within days or weeks, sometimes they do pave the way for other problems like sinus or ear infections and bronchitis. Ring the doctor if your cold becomes severe, if you have a high fever, ear pain, a sinus headache, or a cough that gets worse or produces green or brown sputum.

10. Do as your mother says

There’s no getting around it. Mom may not have had the science down, but in general her advice was solid. The best ways to avoid a cold or flu in the first place include eating lots of fruits and vegetables, which boost the immune system; exercising at least 30 minutes most days; getting at least 7-8 hours of sleep; and trying to keep stress at bay.

5 Fixes for Financial Woes

2008-01-06T12:58:00.000+08:00

Get Out of Debt Fast

Your credit card balances are creeping upward. That once attractive variable mortgage rate has jumped. Your car’s engine is knocking. Worse, your checking balance is headed for red – again. Anxiety over your financial woes keeps you up at night. Sleepless, you see yourself sinking into a debt spiral. What to do? Follow this 5-step, get-tough, financial fitness plan...

Uncontrolled debt not only batters your finances but also generates enough stress to threaten your health. “Half the population is worried about debt,” says nationally syndicated finance columnist Liz Pulliam Weston, author of Deal With Your Debt: The Right Way to Manage Your Bill$ And Pay Off What You Owe (Pearson Education, 2006). And worry generates headaches, sleeplessness, and even digestive disorders.

Clearly sleepless nights won’t pay off your debt. But how can you get back in the black? You’re in debt precisely because you don’t have money to spare, even to pay off your creditors. Still, no matter how bleak your financial picture, Weston says, if you commit to the following steps, you can get out of debt – fast.

Step #1: Sort Out the Good, the Bad, the Ugly

Write down each and every debt. Include the debtor’s name, the amount of the debt, the interest rate, and the minimum payment. At the bottom of the list, write down the “good” debts, such as your mortgage and student loans. Put “bad” debts, such as unpaid high-interest credit card balances and payday loans – cash loans against a future paycheck or infusion of money – at the top of your debt-elimination list.

Step #2: Figure Out How Much You Earn… And Spend

“Most people don’t have a clear idea of their monthly income,” Weston says. “And they don’t know how much they’re spending.” That’s a big no-no, especially if you allow balances to carry over month-to-month on your credit cards.

Knowing how much you earn, spend and overspend each month is key to stopping the financial bloodletting. Begin by reviewing several months of bank statements (including ATM cash withdrawals) and all bills. Then review the income you received during that period.

Step #3: Lose the Flab

Here’s where the process gets a bit tougher. “You need to ask, ‘What can I trim?’” Weston says. Consider how much you spend on mortgage, rent, car payment, insurance, groceries, utilities, gasoline – everything. If you’re consistently spending more than you earn, consider taking in a roommate or even moving to a less expensive house or apartment. “These are radical solutions, but nothing should be off limits,” Weston says.

Even the seemingly inconsequential stuff can make a big difference. Try these five fast fixes:

1. Does your utility company charge you higher rates during peak hours? If so, wash your clothes and run the dishwasher at night or early in the morning to save on your utility bill.

2. Do you have multiple phone lines with all the bells and whistles? Trim back the service and consolidate your lines for more savings.

3. Shop around for better insurance rates.

4. Buy groceries in bulk.

5. Carpool when possible and incorporate errands into your work commute to cut down on gas costs.

Step #4: Boost Your Bucks

What can you sell? “Some people are lucky to have stock or a mutual fund that’s not in their retirement, or an extra car hanging around costing them insurance,” Weston says. If so, now may be the time to sell. And don’t stop there. Empty the garage and cabinet clutter, then stage an old-fashioned yard sale. Or go online and sell to the highest bidder on eBay or Craigslist.com, an online city-by-city bonanza of classified ads.

Consider asking for a raise at work. “Work a second job or start a side business that will actually make money from Day One, like house-sitting, errand running, pet sitting – something that doesn’t require a big up-front chunk of change,” Weston advises. The goal is to generate money that you can set aside for faster debt repayment.

Step #5: Prioritize Your Payments

Once you’ve got your spending in line with your income and you’ve generated some extra cash, return to your debt list and attack your most expensive debts first.

Carnivorous Credit Cards

If you shell out only the minimum payment, it will take years before your card is paid off. And while your balance is unpaid, the credit card company may charge double-digit interest on every new purchase. The solution? “Put the credit cards away and stop using them,” says Daryl Wilson, a partner at Romberger, Wilson & Beeson (rwbcpa.com), an accounting firm in Glendale, California. “If you’re not disciplined enough to put them away, cut them up.”

Weston, who also authored Your Credit Score: How to Fix, Improve, and Protect the 3-Digit Number that Controls Your Financial Future (Pearson Education, 2007), agrees: “That’s a crucial step, and one that people tend to skip.” If you continue to use the charge cards, the compound interest charges – interest on both the principal and previously accumulated interest – will gobble up your progress and keep you in debt. If you must, keep one card for emergencies only, Wilson says.

Next, check your credit rating for a nominal fee at MyFico.com. If your FICO score, or credit rating, is above 700, an excellent rating, contact your credit card companies and ask for a lower interest rate. If you meet resistance, let the agent know that without a lower rate you’ll transfer your balance to another credit card. A good FICO puts you in the driver’s seat. And lower rates will accelerate your payoff efforts.

Just Say No to Payday Loans

Payday loans are as financially dangerous as they are prolific. “There are more of them than McDonald’s, Burger King and Wendy’s combined,” Weston says. “They’ve just exploded in the past 10 years.” If you’re desperate for money, street-front loan shops will trade immediate cash for a post-dated check from you – in other words, an advance on your next paycheck. What’s the catch? A whopping fee tantamount to triple-digit interest. “You write a check [to them] for $300, and you get $250 or $225 cash back,” Weston says. And it gets worse: “When payday comes around, many people can’t pay off the loans.” That results in further penalties that can vault you into quadruple-digit interest rates. If you’re caught in this cycle, pay these loans off first – even before credit cards – and never use them again.

When All Else Fails…

If, despite your efforts, you can’t dig out from credit card debt within three to five years, you may be a candidate for the more desirable Chapter 7 bankruptcy, which erases debt from credit cards, medical bills, and some other loans. But do nothing before contacting a non-profit credit counselor at the National Foundation for Credit Counseling (NFCC.org), Weston advises. If you do file for bankruptcy, it will stay on your credit record for 10 years, which means you may be turned down for future loans. “But if you get your act together and handle your (finances) responsibly,” Weston says, “you can restore your credit scores to close to 700 in a few years.”

10 Questions That Could Save Your Life

2008-01-04T20:37:00.000+08:00

What you need to ask the doctor when every moment counts

Ten minutes: That's often all the time you have with your doctor. Whether you're seeing a GP, paediatrician or specialist, during that brief period, the doctor needs to listen to your complaints, make an assessment and clearly explain a recommended treatment.

To make the most of your time, even when you're in casualty, you have to be prepared. By asking the right questions, you can direct the doctor's decision-making. Your doctor is morally obligated to address your concerns honestly and directly. That might mean running an extra test, taking a second look or even getting a second opinion on your symptoms or treatment.

In my career as a surgeon, I have found there are key, little-known questions about specific symptoms that could make a difference in the outcome of your care – and potentially save your life. Here are ten common conditions and the questions you need to ask.

1. CHILD'S HEAD TRAUMA

We're not always present every time our kids trip, get hit in the head or fall off the jungle gym. Yet injuries from sports, minor accidents or even child abuse can cause eye and brain damage. They show up as a range of behaviour changes that can signal a life-threatening problem resulting from head trauma.

If your child isn't acting like himself and is unusually sleepy, inattentive or agitated, take him to the doctor and ask:
''Could a head injury or trauma account for my child's symptoms?''

Traumatic brain injuries are a leading cause of death and disability in children and young adults. The symptoms can point to a range of problems. Concussions happen when the fluid surrounding the brain and spinal cord has been throttled. A more serious problem occurs when there is progressive pooling of blood from a torn vessel on the surface of the brain (subdural haematoma) – a medical emergency requiring surgery.

Retinal haemorrhages (bleeding in the eye) are easily visible changes, helping doctors diagnose shaken baby syndrome and repetitive injuries from sports.

Other signs on a doctor's exam: slight weakness in the arms and legs, or abnormal pupil responses. Testing should include a CT scan and a full eye and neurological exam.

2. BACK PAIN AND JOINT PAIN

Back and joint pains are often thought of as an inevitable result of injury or getting older. But pain is usually your body's way of telling you that something is very wrong. Don't ignore it. There are life-threatening diseases that mimic these aches, and it's important to catch them as early as possible. If you're experiencing constant pain in your back or joints, ask your doctor:
''Besides arthritis or injury, what could be causing my back pain or joint pain?''

Prostate cancer and other abdominal problems Prostate and pancreatic cancers and kidney stones can create back pain, often with a sharp, knife-like sensation in the middle or lower back. These diagnoses may be missed because most people don't associate back pain with cancers or stones, so they may not even mention it. There are specific diagnostic tests for these diseases, including PSA (prostate specific antigen) tests and a DRE (digital rectal examination). Ask your doctor to be sure you get the right tests and, if necessary, a referral to a specialist.

Osteoporosis Weakening and thinning of the bones is often age-related, but it's now happening to younger people, too. It can lead to small fractures in the spine and other areas, causing pain. Bone density screening is a painless, non-invasive test that's often recommended for postmenopausal women or those with a family history. Standard treatment includes an increase of calcium and vitamin D in your diet, as well as medications.
Lupus (systemic lupus erythematosus) This chronic autoimmune disease typically appears as a dark ''butterfly'' rash on the face, accompanied by severe joint pain. It is diagnosed with blood tests and a careful evaluation of history and symptoms. Treatment includes anti-inflammatory medicines.

Swollen joints This can be a sign of a joint infection. Often, a sample of the joint fluid is taken for testing. If an infection such as staph is present, antibiotics are prescribed. Infections can be lethal if not treated quickly, so don't take a wait-and-see approach with swollen, aching joints.

Bone cancer Pain can be caused by bone cancers as well as other cancers that spread to the bones. Common targets are the spine and rib cage. People who have had cancer anywhere in the body may be at risk for bone cancer.

Lyme disease This condition is usually transferred by ticks. It often surfaces as joint pain, with or without a rash. Caught early, Lyme disease can usually be easily treated with antibiotics. It's rare in Southeast Asia but it occurs in temperate regions of Asia.

3. STROKE

After the onset of a stroke, you have a three-hour window of opportunity in which clot-busting drugs could save your life and reduce damage. Stroke symptoms can occur all over the body, but most strokes occur in the brain.

Signs include sudden difficulty speaking or mental confusion, the inability to use an arm or a leg, and facial paralysis, usually on one side. You can also have a mild stroke with less dramatic symptoms, but it's just as important to treat. As soon as you think you or someone you know might be experiencing a stroke, ask the hospital:
''Could my mother be having a stroke? What about giving clot-busting drugs right now?''

''Time lost is brain lost,'' says the UK Stroke Association. An MRI or CT brain scan will show whether the stroke has been caused by a clot or bleed. If it's a clot, medication called tissue plasminogen activator (TPA) could dissolve the clot and prevent further damage and existing symptoms may be reversed.

Unfortunately, this medication must be used within the first three hours of a stroke, so don't idle: be an impatient patient, get to a hospital immediately and ask if this life-saving medicine is suitable for you.

4. SEVERE HEADACHE

Karen (not her real name), 37, called her brother to tell him about her terrible headache. She'd suffered bad ones before, and that night she went to bed in severe pain. Her brother called to check on her in the morning but couldn't reach her. He tried her husband at work. A neighbour was sent over and, tragically, found Karen dead on the floor. She had died from a lethal brain aneurysm.

Aneurysms can be successfully treated if they're caught in time. If you're experiencing horrible, recurrent headaches or even one episode of the single most painful headache you've ever had, see a doctor and ask:
''This is the worst headache of my life – could it possibly be an aneurysm?''

There are many different types of headaches: cluster, sinus, migraine.

An aneurysm isn't a type of headache; it's an abnormal widening or bulging of a blood vessel. Aneurysms cause severe, debilitating headaches when the blood vessel ruptures and blood enters the brain.

Aneurysms can occur as a birth defect or may develop later in life. About five per cent of the population have some type of aneurysm in the brain; these could rupture at any time. If you have a severe headache accompanied by nausea, vomiting, or seizures, go to a hospital or call emergency services immediately.

5. THE FLU

For most people, the flu is a nuisance. But for the immune-compromised, aged or chronically ill, it can be deadly. Every year, hundreds of thousands of people around the world die of the flu or its complications, and many more are hospitalised.

But how do you know when you really have it? Flu is caused by a virus and lasts three to four days typically, with symptoms including fever, chills, aches and pains, stuffy nose and dry cough. But if they last more than a few days without improving, you need to see your doctor and ask:
''I'm still feeling terrible. Bearing in mind my medical history, what else could be wrong with me?''

You're directing your doctor to narrow the list of possible diseases, tests and treatments. The details of your history and symptoms should lead the investigation to the right answer, helping your doctor catch the problem. For example, your doctor may recommend a chest X-ray to spot pneumonia or the early stages of lung cancer. Or perhaps run blood tests to look for mononucleosis (glandular fever) or other infections.

6. BREAST CANCER

Lorie Levy's previous mammograms were difficult to interpret due to her dense breasts. Her mother had died of breast cancer, so Lorie, 49, was anxious to cover all bases. Although her mammogram was deemed normal, she asked:
''Can I have an ultrasound even if my mammogram was negative?''

Sure enough, the ultrasound showed a suspicious lesion that was missed on the mammogram. Today, five years later, Lorie knows that
because she caught the tumour in its earliest stages, she received the right treatment and is now cancer-free.

The lesson here is not that ultrasounds are better than traditional mammograms. In fact, it's the combination of the two that yields the best results. Mammography is still the gold standard for screening, and new technologies such as breast ultrasound and MRI may enhance the effectiveness of screening and accuracy of diagnosis.

''Breast cancer screening is not one-size-fits-all,'' says Dr Freya Schnabel, chief of breast surgery at Columbia University Medical Center in New York. ''It needs to be individualised – to the particular patient, her risk of breast cancer and the density of her breasts.

Mammography alone is not always the most sensitive test for a woman with dense breasts, and ultrasound can be a useful additional test. If a woman is at very high risk, an MRI may be appropriate. But this is an expensive resource that has lots of false positives, so it's not for everyone.''

Before your doctor schedules your mammogram, make sure to ask about ultrasound. Together, you can determine if additional, more sensitive testing is required. And before you have a biopsy, ask for hard copies of your test results so you can seek a second opinion.
And if you are under 50 with a strong family history of breast cancer, ask your doctor to refer you for testing at a specialist genetic clinic.

7. CHEST PAIN

If you experience sudden chest pain that radiates to the left arm, are cold and clammy and feel horrible, you could be having a heart attack. These symptoms appear more often for men than women, whose heart attacks frequently go undiagnosed.

If you don't have the classic symptoms but are experiencing chest pain on the right side, heaviness or dull ache in the chest, a general lousy feeling with shortness of breath, or heartburn and/or indigestion that won't go away, whether you're a man or a woman, call an ambulance or have someone drive you to a hospital and ask a doctor:
''Am I having a heart attack? Let's not wait – can we be sure and ‘draw the enzymes?' ''

When heart muscles don't get enough blood, the damaged muscle releases its enzymes into the bloodstream. You may be given other tests as well, but a simple blood test can quickly measure the levels of these enzymes and clearly indicate if you're having a heart attack.
The bottom line: coronary heart disease is the leading cause of death among men and women worldwide. Take your symptoms seriously and get the necessary help promptly.

8. ABDOMINAL PAIN

Walter Johnson, 54, felt abdominal discomfort one evening at his weekend cottage. The next morning, even though he didn't have a temperature, he couldn't stop shaking. His wife drove him 65 kilometres to see his doctor, who couldn't determine a definitive diagnosis and sent Walter to the local hospital.

But when he arrived, Walter wasn't experiencing any symptoms other than fatigue and acute uneasiness. His temperature was normal, and he'd stopped shaking. The triage team in casualty turned their attention to other patients with more severe issues. A while later, though, Walter was feeling worse. His temperature spiked to a scary 40 degrees celsius, and his case was moved to high alert.

When a doctor examined him and pressed on his abdomen, Walter did not feel any pain. However, the doctor was concerned because of the fever and began to think of the most likely diagnoses. He ordered an abdominal CT scan with contrast, a type of X-ray that shows not only bones but also all the organs and other structures inside the body. Walter drank a contrast dye that highlighted his gastrointestinal tract. It showed that he was suffering from appendicitis and that his appendix was not in the classic location. You can learn from his experience and remember to ask:
''Should I have an abdominal CT scan or other tests before an operation?''

The doctor was surprised that it was appendicitis, because Walter wasn't suffering from the usual severe abdominal pain on the lower right side. But if the test had not been ordered with contrast, his appendix would likely have ruptured and his condition could have been life-threatening. Walter was quickly wheeled into surgery for an emergency appendectomy.

Every year, hundreds of thousands of people get appendicitis. Yet many of them are misdiagnosed. Given the high risk of mortality associated with perforated appendix, doctors tend to err on the side of caution since removing an appendix is a fairly safe procedure. But other serious medical conditions can mimic appendicitis, including an ovarian cyst, tubal pregnancy, certain forms of diverticulitis (a type of inflammation in the intestines) and sexually transmitted pelvic inflammatory disease (PID).

Other culprits can include inflammatory diseases stemming from an ulcer, gallbladder disease, or a liver abscess – and even kidney disease or colon cancer. So before any surgical procedure, make sure your doctor has utilised every available test to determine the right diagnosis.

9. CHILDBIRTH

No-one plans to have an obstetrical emergency, but it does happen every day. Childbirth is often quite complicated and can put both mother and newborn in jeopardy. The gold standard is a hospital with a neonatal intensive care unit or reasonable access to one. This facility is used for all newborns with critical problems. So if you're pregnant and trying to decide where to deliver your baby, ask your obstetrician:
''Which types of doctors are always physically present in my hospital, in case I need them to take care of me and my baby in an emergency?''

Anaesthetists are doctors who prescribe and administer anaesthesia during surgery. They will be present in an operating theatre in the case of a caesarean section, premature labour or other serious complication. If possible, you should make sure there's an anaesthetist in the hospital at all times.

Newborns are patients too, so they need to have a paediatrician on-site. Your baby may need emergency treatment directly after birth, even if the delivery goes well.

Look for a medical centre with these services, and make sure your doctor is affiliated with the hospital where you want to deliver.

10. MACULAR DEGENERATION

Macular degeneration, which affects the centre of your vision and can begin as early as age 50, is the leading cause of blindness in the developed world. If you're diagnosed with macular degeneration, ask your ophthalmologist:
''What new medications are available to treat macular degeneration?''

Last year, two important drugs made headlines and quickly improved the lives of patients. Lucentis, which was approved by the US Food and Drug Administration, not only halts the progression of macular degeneration but also can reestablish better vision. A second medication, Avastin, was already approved for treatment of colon cancer and is now being used by ophthalmologists to help those with macular degeneration. Talk with your eye doctor to see if either one might be right for you.

The Truth About Global Warming

2008-01-01T12:00:00.000+08:00

Is our planet heating up? Are human beings to blame for climate change? These questions have recently burst out of the quiet halls of academia into newspapers, TV shows, movies, popular books and, of course, the blogosphere. The discussion has been heated, but if you ratchet down the rhetoric, what are scientists actually saying? At Reader’s Digest, we decided to find out.

According to many reports, the answer is yes. Eleven of the hottest years since 1850 occurred between 1995 and 2006. Last year, the United Nation’s Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) reported the earth was about 0.75°C warmer than it was in 1850. While this doesn’t sound like a lot, a small difference in average temperature can make a big difference in climate. During the last ice age, the planet was only about five degrees colder than now.

Because it’s warmer, animals and plants are moving towards the poles in search of cooler habitats. Since the 1980s, British observers have spotted tropical fish previously unknown in the North Atlantic. In 2001, a fisherman caught a barracuda off the coast of Cornwall, England, far north of its normal range.

In 2005, the Zurich-based World Glacier Monitoring Service stated that European glaciers had lost half their volume since 1850. In March 2007, Russian researchers reported unstable permafrost in the Baikal area, Mongolia and China. And in October this year, British researchers showed that warmer temperatures were responsible for a 2.2 per cent increase in the earth’s humidity over the last 30 years.

Has the planet ever been this warm?
Yes, it has, even warmer! Greenland was forested between 450,000 and 800,000 years ago. So temperatures must have been considerably warmer then. And there have been other times as well.

So why the concern?
It’s all about the speed at which temperatures are changing. In the past, temperatures moved up or down gradually. But in the 20th century, especially since 1976, temperatures have likely risen more quickly than during any century in the last 1000 years. Warming may bring improved crop yields and other be-nefits to northern countries such as Canada or Russia.

However, many species won’t likely adapt to these conditions. Malaria-carrying mosquitoes are moving northwards to higher elevations. The West Nile virus, first seen in North America nine years ago, infected about 4000 people in the United States in 2006. The pine beetle, which thrives during warmer winters, has already destroyed approximately 13 million hectares of Canada’s forests, worth an estimated $6 billion.

What is causing the warming?
The IPCC concluded that human activity is very likely responsible, by increasing the concentrations of greenhouses gases and the greenhouse effect. Over 25 scientific societies, including the national academies of science of the G8 nations, endorsed the conclusion. Some scientists, however, still disagree, arguing that the human contribution is minimal.

What is the greenhouse effect?
The effect, explains Robert Charlson, a professor at the University of Washington, “has been on the scientific books for over a century. It has been tested very thoroughly.” Certain gases cause the atmosphere to trap heat energy at the earth’s surface. Without the greenhouse effect, the earth’s average global temperature would be -18°C, rather than the present comfortable 14.6 degrees. The concern is with the enhanced greenhouse effect that humans cause – that it will heat the planet too much.

What are greenhouse gases?
The main greenhouse gases (GHGs) are carbon dioxide (CO2), methane, nitrous oxide, chlorofluorocarbons (CFCs) and water vapour. Except CFCs, which have commercial purposes, the gases are found in nature. Burning fossil fuels, trees and agricultural waste adds to the CO2, methane and nitrous oxide, as do landfills, oil refineries and coal mines. And we affect water vapour indirectly. As the earth warms because other GHGs increase, evaporation ramps up, creating more water vapour.

How much have greenhouse gases increased?
“CO2 has increased 35 per cent since the beginning of the industrial era,” says Gavin Schmidt, a climatologist with NASA’s Goddard Institute for Space Studies in New York. “Methane has more than doubled. Nitrous oxide has gone up 17 per cent.” Scientists are concerned about CO2 because it is the most abundant of the gases that we directly affect. While we have stabilised our CFCs and methane emissions, we have not done the same with CO2 so far. The carbon dioxide in the atmosphere continues to rise by about 0.4 per cent a year – because the fossil fuels that produce it fill 85 per cent of our energy requirements.

Will CO2 dissipate by itself?
“No,” says NASA’s Schmidt. “It stays around for centuries.” Worldwide, we produce some 23.5 gigatonnes of CO2 annually. (A gigatonne is a trillion kilograms.) Fortunately, only half stays in the atmosphere and natural systems absorb the rest.

Oceans, our largest repository of carbon dioxide, take in more than a quarter of our CO2 emissions every year. They already hold about 50 times what is in the atmosphere and ten times what is in the land biosphere. But just how much more they can safely store is not clear. Ken Caldeira, a climate scientist with the Carnegie Institution of Washington, in Stanford, California, says that in the oceans, CO2 becomes carbonic acid, corrosive to the calcium carbonate skeletons of marine organisms.

Forests and plants soak up less than a quarter of CO2 emissions. Through photosynthesis, plants separate CO2 into oxygen, which they emit, and carbon, which becomes part of their cells. David Ellsworth, a professor at the University of Western Sydney in Australia, is investigating how trees and plants will react to increased CO2 by growing eucalyptus trees in chambers with elevated CO2 levels.

What else besides greenhouse gases influences climate?
Regular shifts in the orbit of the earth and the tilt of the earth’s axis change how sunlight is distributed around the globe, and may explain why the Ice Ages came and went. These shifts take place slowly over hundreds of thousands of years.

The total energy coming from the sun varies slightly. When the sun’s intensity is high, sunspots increase in number and the sun is brighter. But variations in the sun’s intensity haven’t produced the recent rise in temperature, say researchers at the Max Planck Institute for Solar System Research in Germany. In 2004, they noted that while the earth’s temperature has risen dramatically in the last 30 years, solar brightness has not.

Tiny particles pumped into the atmosphere by erupting volcanoes and industrial pollution reflect some of the sun’s energy back to space, making things cooler. In 1991, Mount Pinatubo in the Philippines blew so much dust into the stratosphere that the temperature dropped by half a degree Celsius for two years.

Water vapour and clouds play a role, but their impact is hard to predict. Water evaporating from warmer oceans creates clouds that can both trap heat and reflect it into space. “Low clouds tend to cool the planet,” Professor Charlson says. “High clouds warm it.”

Feedback loops reinforce whatever is going on and are notoriously difficult to calculate. For example, as the earth warms up, glaciers and sea ice melts. Then the surface of the earth becomes less reflective and warmer. This in turn melts more ice, causing more warming.

What’s convincing scientists that CO2 is responsible for the recent warming?
Many researchers have concluded that natural forces alone don’t explain the temperature increases over the last 30 or 40 years. Bruce Bauer, who studies ancient weather systems at the World Data Center for Paleoclimatology in Boulder, Colorado, says, “When you try to do the math, the only way you can calculate what’s happening is to include the effects of artificial CO2.”

The theory of heat-trapping gases projects that as CO2 emissions go up, temperatures will rise in the lower
atmosphere and at the surface of the earth. Thomas Karl, director of National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration’s National Climatic Data Center, says, “The evidence continues to support a substantial human impact on global temperature increases.”

Richard Lindzen, the Alfred P. Sloan Professor of Meteorology at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, is unconvinced. “The effect [of human- produced greenhouse gases] is very small compared to the normal changes that the climate is always undergoing,” he says. Lindzen attributes temperature increases over the past 100 years to “natural variability.” Can we predict this? “So far, no,” he maintains. Will we be able to predict it in the future? “Not much evidence of it.”

Stefan Rahmstorf, a professor of ocean physics at the Potsdam Institute for Climate Impact Research in Germany, disagrees. In a February 2007 article in Science, Rahmstorf points out that IPCC temperature projections are in line with current data. In 1990, the IPCC predicted that by 2006, temperatures would go up between 0.15 and 0.37 degrees. The actual increase was in this range – 0.33 degrees.

How certain are the scientists about their conclusions?
When asked whether humans are causing global warming, Carl Wunsch, the Cecil and Ida Green Professor
of Physical Oceanography at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, responds, “It seems very likely from what I’ve seen. Is it a hundred percent guaranteed? No. There’s a small chance that it’s natural.”

Does that mean we should adopt a ‘wait and see’ attitude?
Not according to Wunsch. He points out we buy house insurance not because we are convinced our homes will burst into flames, but because it’s a risk we’d rather avoid. In 2006, former World Bank chief economist Nicholas Stern wrote a 700-page report for the British government. His conclusion? The sooner we act, the easier the task will be.

How much could temperatures rise in the future?
According to the IPCC, by 2100, the average temperature might rise by as much as 5.8°C. But its report also states that we could hold temperature increases to a more bearable two degrees above pre-industrial levels. Getting that result means halving our current CO2 emissions by 2050, achievable if we lower them by slightly over one per cent of current levels every year until then.

Make Her Miss You

2007-12-31T12:57:00.000+08:00

Tips on how to make her miss you
Some men believe that women gravitate toward men who are aggressive when it comes to putting their bid in. This is not always the case. Most women like a man who can control his emotions, who has developed a sense of knowing when and how to be aggressive and who has learned when to ease off the gas and cruise in for the catch. There is a fine line between eager and desperate, just as there is between obsessive and aggressive.

Understand that in the early stages of dating, a woman is providing you with the opportunity to make a great impression. Take advantage of this time frame. One of the tricks to dating is to keep a woman interested enough to see that you are not in desperate need of her attention. The alluring affect of the honeymoon stage that’s often shared between couples can be quite intoxicating. Try your best to slow your tempo. Take the reigns and allow a pace to emerge that will always have her coming back for more.

Make her miss you. Offering a woman every bit and piece of you will potentially extinguish her interest in a shorter period of time than if she were fed bread crumbs along the way. Limiting your availability at the onset will also raise your value in her eyes, as it indicates that you have a sense of independence. The elements of surprise and mystery work well in keeping her intrigued. Making her seem like an enhancement to your life by “taking time out of your busy schedule” to spend with her will make her feel special.

Here are some helpful tips that will make her miss you and keep her coming back for more.

Get a life

If you have an overabundance of free time on your hands, it is highly suggested that you fill up that void with hobbies and activities. This will help in keeping your temptation to call or hang out with her to a minimum. Remember, having other interests outside of her gives the impression that you are OK with “me” time. Codependence in the beginning stages of a relationship is the No. 1 deterrent in the dating rule book, and this will definitely not make her miss you.

Make her wonder if you’re thinking of her

When you take a woman out on a date, other than calling to make sure she made it home safely, do not call her to discuss the date in detail the following day. Let her bask in the romance and give her time to imagine what your next interaction will entail. Calling her two or three days later is fine, as it lets her know that you’re thinking of her. Also, let some time pass before you ask her out on the next date. Buffering the time between contact with her is a major step in making her miss you.

Limit your telephone interaction

The mature approach to keeping a woman interested is to limit your availability. Refrain from answering all of her calls, and when she leaves a message that isn’t urgent, allow a few hours to pass before you return her call (the same applies for text messages). But be sure to ALWAYS remain courteous and return the call at some point. Be mindful not to cross the fine line between stimulating her interest and seeming uninterested -- if you’re not interested, you can’t make her miss you.

Limit the time you spend with her

The importance of pacing yourself cannot be overstressed, as this will allow the romance to evolve naturally. The best way to do this is to put yourself on a two- to three-month schedule. During the first two or three months of your interaction, only meet with her during the week for small outings, such as dinner, a movie or an art showing. Keep it sweet and simple; show just enough to entice her and to exhibit your creativity. Weekends are reserved for intimate exchanges between couples. In the meantime, give the impression that you have a weekend life and use the weekdays as the opportunity to make her miss you and desire inclusion in your weekends.

First-date lingering

Shifting and shuffling your feet waiting for an invite into her home at the end of a date is not recommended. It is not necessary to extend an evening longer than it should be at this point in your interaction. If you do, you run the risk of getting caught up in the honeymoon stage. Politely walk her to her door, then leave promptly. This brings closure to the moment, and also gives her room to miss you.

Don’t accept all her invitations

Decline a few of her invitations, specifically those that include groups of friends. Remember, having a social calendar gives the impression that she will not become your only source of entertainment in the event you end up in a relationship with her.

i want you to want me

All of these tips are keys in making a woman miss you or having her bask in the wave of fluttering butterflies and anticipation for the next time she sees you, and these tips truly work wonders during the initial stages of getting to know a woman. Don’t forget that as the relationship develops, it is essential to have a life of your own. Space, which can often be confused with disconnection, allows a woman to be herself, by herself, which will benefit you in the long run. Who knows, it may even expand the lifetime of your relationship with her.

Lust Busters – Why You're Not Having Sex

2007-12-30T08:27:00.000+08:00

Do you need to place an ad in the “lost and found” section of your local paper to find your missing libido? USA Today reports that 30% to 50% of women have little to no sex drive. That’s a lot of quiet bedrooms! If you’ve lost your spark, a lust buster could be to blame. Find out more about lust busters and how they could be stealing your thunder.

Is a lust buster turning off your sexual switch? If steamy thoughts rarely cross your mind, if erotic images leave you cold, or if you go out of your way to avoid having sex, odds are the answer is yes. Even if a sexless relationship doesn’t bother you, it’s likely to irk your partner. Here’s how to uncover the lust buster that’s blocking your sexual side:

1. Stress

Juggling work, family and other activities makes most women stressed. And while men tend to want sex as a stress reliever, tension turns women off.

Here’s why: When you’re in stressful situations your body releases the stress hormone cortisol, which some researchers say causes a nosedive in your level of testosterone, the hormone that controls your libido.

Women naturally produce less testosterone than men, which might explain why we lose our interest in sex more easily.

The following three stress-inducing situations can also squash your sex drive:

1. Pink-slipped
Losing your job can be a big blow to your self-worth. Combine it with the financial worries of being out of work and sex is likely to be the last thing on your mind. Who feels like slipping into lingerie when her head is filled with mortgages and car payments?

2. Getting set to say ‘I do’

Many engaged women panic more about the life-changing commitment they’re about to make than about wedding planning itself. This causes them to push away from their fiancé not only emotionally but physically, too.

3. Falling in love

Marriage isn’t the only thing that can sabotage your sex drive.

When you fall in love, your testosterone and dopamine levels soar. But after the infatuation stage, couples grow comfortable with each other and their hormones calm down.

Lust buster help: Stress is multi-faceted, so you need a comprehensive solution.

Start with a balanced diet, regular exercise and a full eight hours of sleep.

Try stress-reducing activities, like meditation or writing in a journal.

If you have too much on your plate, rearrange your schedule with your top priorities.

And make a point to use sex as a stress-reliever. Even when you’re not in the mood, do it anyway.

2. Overweight

Good sex feels great, but you have to feel good about yourself to enjoy it.

With a poor body image, you’re likely to put up a wall to block anything that feels remotely sexual because you’re too uncomfortable or embarrassed. Let that behavior become a habit, and you can lose your sex drive completely.

Lust buster help: If you can’t get comfortable in your own skin until you lose weight, find a weight-loss program that will work for you. Choose an exercise routine that’s fun and challenging. Being more active will help burn extra calories, boost energy levels and have you feeling and looking better in no time.

In the meantime, emphasize your best features, like your sexy legs, and flaunt them for your partner.

3. Conflict

Women sometimes withhold sex because they’re resentful, bitter or angry toward their partner.

You might still love him when you’re mad, but chances are you won’t feel very attracted to him. You may feel more in the mood to brood than to cuddle. Sex often takes a backseat until the conflicts in the relationship have been resolved.

Lust buster help: Never go to bed angry. “Stay up and fight,” as Phyllis Diller would say. Don’t allow anger to linger and turn into something worse. Or use your anger for some really great make-up sex. You might just forget what you were arguing about in the first place.

4. Antidepressants

Antidepressants are notorious for causing low sex drive and inhibiting performance in the bedroom. Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) like Prozac, Zoloft and Paxil are among the worst culprits.

Why? SSRIs are filled with serotonin, a chemical that signals satiety and leaves women feeling no urge to have sex. Depression itself can also lower libido.

Lust buster help: It’s important to let your doctor know that you’re experiencing a low sex drive as a side effect of your medication. He or she may be able to suggest other alternatives for treating your depression.

5. Pregnancy

Some women find that their sex drive fluctuates along with their stage of pregnancy.

After giving birth, new moms are often simply too tired, too sore or too preoccupied to be in the mood. Others find it difficult to reconcile their sexual identity with their maternal one.

Another culprit: Prolactin, the hormone released by breastfeeding moms, combined with other hormonal changes, can quash your libido.

Lust buster help: It’s easy to pull out the pregnancy card when your husband wants to get frisky. But if you’re comfortably pregnant, and just not in the mood, do it anyway.

If you need more help with the baby after giving birth, ask your hubby for it. Or have a family member or friend come over to baby-sit so that you can get dressed up and have a date night. It’ll help you reconnect with how it feels to be a woman and a lover, not just a mommy.

If none of these lust busters apply to you but you still have a low sex drive, it could be time to talk with your doctor.

Remember: Lust busters are temporary. Just as getting sick can make you lose your appetite, a lust buster can steal your sexual hunger. Happily, you can regain both.

Dominate A Dominant Woman

2007-12-25T19:27:00.000+08:00

We often associate dominant women with whips, chains and a pitiful man groveling at their feet while licking a pair of vinyl boots. This certainly occurs with some regularity, but you may be surprised to learn that dominance doesn’t always translate into sadism. On the contrary, many dominant women play the superior role in relationships simply because their man hasn’t learned how to dominate them. She may be strong-willed, feisty and independent, but this doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to be ravished like any other female might. If you’re ready to take charge in the bedroom, the following tips will show you precisely how to sexually dominate a dominant woman.

Take the lead
Dominant women tend to be physically aggressive in the bedroom; these are the chicks who’ll throw you down on the bed and ride you like a champion. While this vision may appeal to most men, allowing this to happen on a regular basis puts you in a subservient role -- and that’ll carry over into other areas of your relationship. If you want to wear the pants, you’re going to have to show her you can. To dominate a dominant woman, the next time she pounces, turn the tables and flip her onto her back. Keep her firmly (but not painfully) pinned to the bed and let her writhe for a bit. As she struggles to regain the upper hand, calmly let her know you’re going to be in charge for the rest of the evening. Her panties will be soaked by the time you finish the sentence. Just be prepared to deliver the goods, as you’re bound to have one horny woman on your hands.

Maintain eye contact
Proper eye contact is extremely important when it comes to asserting dominance. A truly dominant man or woman can influence a less dominant person with the subtlest of glances. When two dominant people are vying for the role of leader, however, subtlety is no longer an option. Your vixen will try to dominate you by staring straight into your eyes and giving you a wicked grin that promises sexual submission on her terms. Most men, when faced with a woman like this, turn to jelly and happily let her do whatever she pleases. To dominate a dominant woman, however, it’s crucial you don’t fall for this move. Lower your eyelids slightly and stare back while returning that wicked little grin; this tells her she’s going to have to do much better than that if she wants to play Dom. It also tells her you’re capable of the same tricks, which will make her wonder what else you’ve got up your sleeve. While these thoughts are going through her mind, she’s likely to break eye contact and look away -- this is a good indication she’s open to being dominated.

Make her beg
Begging is the ultimate sign of submission, and it can be an incredibly sexy experience for both individuals. When trying to dominate a dominant woman, the idea is to show her how much she really wants you to dominate her, in spite of all those verbal denials she keeps making. The easiest way to accomplish this is via oral sex. Turn her on as you would any other woman, spending lots of quality time on her clitoris. When she reaches the point of moaning and thrashing, back off a bit. That’s right; slow down. Let your tongue explore another area for a few seconds, nibble her inner thigh, etc. Keep lavishing attention on her body, but avoid the clitoris at all costs. The mix of sexual frustration and sexual stimulation will make her want you a thousand percent more than she did when she thought orgasm was imminent. A dominant woman will likely demand you direct your attention back to her clitoris, which, you will of course do -- just as soon as she begs for it. You’ll probably have to insist more than once, but when she finally gives in, her orgasm is bound to be explosive.

Tell her what you’re going to do
Telling a dominant woman precisely how you’re going to dominate her is a guaranteed challenge. And dominant women are all about a challenge; it’s an invitation for her to try her best moves on you, and an opportunity for you to show her who’s really in charge. If you want a head start with dominating a dominant woman, use this tip over dinner or in the car on the way back to your place. She’ll be intrigued by your confidence and aroused by your promises. Once you’re in bed, tell her you’re going to take her from behind and make her scream your name all night long. Tell her you’re going to go down on her until she begs for orgasm. Tell her you’re going to dominate her and that she’s going to love every minute of it -- and then show her you’re a man of your word.

Guide her hands
Dominant women do what they want, when they want. She’s fully accustomed to grabbing a man and pulling him in for a long, deep kiss before she takes over completely. When dealing with women like this, it’s important you’re clear from the start regarding who is leading whom. This means even the kissing is done on your terms. If she slides her fingers through your hair and draws you near, dominate a dominant woman by taking hold of her hands and sliding them around your neck instead. This move tells her you’re happy to have her hands on you, but that she will not be using them to assert dominance. If she’s pawing at your body like she owns it, intercept her hands and guide her palms across her own body. The thrill of having control taken away, combined with a sexy mutual exploration of her own curves, will have her purring in no time.

turning the tables
While it’s true that some dominant women only enjoy sex when a man is groveling, there are plenty of dominant women out there who prefer what dominant men have to offer in the bedroom. These women like a good challenge, as long they’re respected in the process. Don’t let the feisty chicks intimidate you, and don’t assume they aren’t worth the effort; dominating a dominant woman can take sex to a whole new dimension. Score one of these vamps in the bedroom, and you stand to score the best sex of your life.

Know Before You Go: Airline Travel Dos and Don'ts

2007-12-24T11:26:00.000+08:00

Get the 411 on the 3-1-1 and More

What gets you red-flagged at an airport security checkpoint these days? A bottle of shampoo? A one-way ticket? A name like Jane Smith? Ever since the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) banned carry-on liquids in amounts larger than 3-oz. bottles last fall, flyers have tossed out countless Cokes, colognes and cough syrups, not to mention expensive beauty products. Here’s the latest lowdown on what can prompt security staff to take a closer look…

Check It or Chuck It
The TSA’s limited liquids regulation — better known as the 3-1-1 rule — isn’t going away any time soon. Put simply, it says airline passengers can’t bring liquids or gels aboard in amounts larger than three ounces. Anything runny or gooey or drinkable – bottled water, mousse, Jell-O – counts. If you show up at the airport with larger quantities of such items, you’ll have to either stow them in your checked luggage or chuck them in a bin at the security checkpoint. (Half-full larger containers, like rolled-up tubes of toothpaste and near-empty bottles of moisturizer, won’t fly either; the container itself can’t exceed a 3-ounce capacity.)

There’s more: All your mini containers of gels and liquids must fit together in a single clear, quart-sized zip-top (not fold-over) bag, which you’ll have to remove from your carry-on and put through the X-ray machine separately for easy inspection. Airport security staff often has baggies on hand, but don’t count on it.

“Think about it before you leave home, so you’re not rummaging through your bag on the floor of the airport and so you don’t have to throw away anything expensive,” advises TSA spokesperson Ann Davis.

If you do forget, don’t despair. Rather than dump that $100 bottle of perfume, “You always have the option of going back and checking the item,” Davis says. (Worried you’ll lose important items if your checked baggage gets misplaced? See related article: Lost Luggage? Don’t Lose Your Head) Granted, this plan won’t work if you’re running late and the trip back to the front gate might make you miss your flight. Just remember to pack checked liquids in zippered plastic or other water-tight bags and keep them away from your clothes; pressure changes in the baggage compartment often make containers leak.

Your best bet: Know the facts before you leave home. For a complete list of banned items and exceptions (liquids the TSA deems essential like breast milk, baby formula and prescription or over-the counter medicines packed in their original containers to treat a specific medical condition), check the TSA’s Web site (TSA.gov).

If you’re bringing medicine or milk for a baby on board, you’ll have to separate it and declare it to security for inspection. Although “there are no documents or cases showing that the X-ray machine can damage your medications,” according to Thomas Leung, L.Ac., a licensed pharmacist at Kamwo Herbal Pharmacy in New York, you can ask for visual check if you’d rather not subject your stuff to X-ray. Ask nicely; they’re not obligated to honor your request.

Incidentally, individual airlines can’t alter the rules; they apply to all flights on all carriers originating in or bound for the U.S., Davis says. While small aspects of 3-1-1 may be tweaked in the coming months, the TSA has no plans to overhaul or roll back the rules, she says.

Plop, Plop; Fizz, Fizz
A number of innovative product makers have devised clever solutions to the no-liquids-on-the-plane dilemma. For example, Travelon’s new line of effervescent toiletries ranges from $4.99 to $7.99 and includes mouthwash, shaving cream and tooth gel — all in tablet form. Drop them into a glass of water, and they bubble up into a generous amount. The company also makes powdered toothpaste ($4.99), as do ToothFresh (100 brushings per 4-oz. packet of powder; ToothFresh.com) and Uncle Harry’s ($6 for a 2-oz. bottle; UncleHarrys.com).

You can even buy powdered shampoos from Uncle Harry’s ($6 for a 3-oz. bottle of Ayurvedic Shampoo Plant Powder) and Patchouli Garden (Song of India Herbal Shampoo Powder, $11.95 for a set of 12 fragrances; PathchouliGarden.com). Patchouli Garden also stocks solid perfumes for $6.95. Among the fragrances: musk, sandalwood, rose and vanilla.

For more travel-friendly items, from solid shaving-soap bars to powdered mouthwash to 30-pack sheets of individual lip gloss pouches, go to Wists.com/PopGloss/Carry-On.

Is Your Body Beeping?
Some travelers find that while their carry-ons roll through airport X-ray machines without incident, they themselves can’t pass muster at the metal detector. Aside from the obvious loose change, cell phones and keys, a few unusual red flags can also ring the alarms.

“I’ve had a hip replacement, and I’ve never been able to prevent being flagged,” says travel guidebook guru Arthur Frommer, host of The Travel Show on New York’s WOR radio and author of a syndicated travel column. “Every time I go through the metal detector I set it off. I get pulled aside for a pat-down and spend five minutes being wanded.”

Though Frommer brings a note from his physician, it doesn’t prevent the extra security check.

Pacemakers do the same, confirms TSA’s Davis. “We recommend that people with metal implants of any kind bring a note from their doctor, and we can always give them a private screening, if they prefer it. Just ask.”

Bib Overalls and Stuffed Bunnies
Other triggers? “The latches on overalls tend to set the metal detectors off, so they’re not a good choice, especially for children,” Davis says. Gold and silver jewelry won’t ring any bells, but costume jewelry will, so plan to remove it along with your keys. Contrary to popular belief, underwire bras won’t sound the alarms. And though the detectors respond to clothing with metal studs, it takes more than a single closure rivet on a pair of jeans to get you double-checked, Davis assures.

As most road warriors know by now, you have to take off your shoes and jacket and send them through the X-ray machine. You may also have to take your laptop and other electronic devices (portable DVDs, for example) out of your bag to show the security folks.

Strollers and car seats must go through x-ray, too. So be ready to fold them up and put them on the conveyor belt. (If you don’t want to enrage your fellow travelers, empty the under-seat basket before you get to the security checkpoint.)

Another helpful hint for the parenting pack: “Parents can walk through the metal detector with small children, but kids do have to part with their stuffed bunnies and favorite blankets,” Davis says. “Prepare them in advance about what to expect so they don’t have meltdowns at the checkpoint.” Security staff sometimes requires older children to walk through metal detectors by themselves, so it’s also smart to prep kids to avoid momentary separation anxiety.

Ticket Troubles
Could the ticket — rather than the traveler — raise a red flag? Sometimes.

“My wife and I were taken aside and given a very thorough check not long ago because we had bought our tickets at the check-in counter at the last minute,” says Frommer, who often describes such globetrotting glitches in his daily blog at Frommers.com/blog. “That automatically triggered a computer and put us on the list that had to be watched. So, [extra security checks] might happen more often if you buy a ticket or change one at the last minute.”

Pauline Frommer, daughter of Arthur and creator of the Pauline Frommer Guides travel series, has experienced a similar scenario. “When I’ve traveled on one-ways, I have gotten more [security] treatment,” she says. However, “The last time I traveled on a one-way I didn’t get stopped. I think they’re purposely trying to shake things up.”

“Screening doesn’t have anything to do with your ticket,” she assures. “The air carriers select a certain percentage of passengers for extra screenings.”

But some unfortunate travelers have found the opposite to be true. The government’s notorious No-Fly List – a massive database of people deemed dangerous by U.S. anti-terrorism authorities in the wake of 9/11 – has wreaked havoc on the travel plans of a number of formerly average Joes and Janes.

What’s in a Name?
By some accounts, the secret list includes 44,000 names. Others peg it at 75,000. Whatever the number, it includes some names so common that they’re shared by hundreds or even thousands of Americans. (Robert Johnson and Carlos Garcia are suspicious monikers, for instance.)

Reports abound of hapless travelers detained for hours and, in some cases, strip-searched while their names were cleared… until the next time they tried to fly when it happened all over again. According to one Government Accountability Office (GAO) report, more than 30,000 airline passengers have asked the TSA to remove their names from the list. The TSA says it’s working to fix the problem. But for now, there’s little an innocent traveler with an inconvenient name can do aside from emailing the TSA at tsa.ombudsman@dhs.gov to vent.

Swipe and Fly
Those bent on skirting long lines at security can now apply for a Clear card from a company called Verified Identity Pass, Inc. For just under $100 (plus a $28 vetting fee by the TSA), the company will run a background security check on you and give you a kind of fast-pass you can swipe rather than deal with the standard security checkpoint.

The drawback? It’s uncertain whether the makers would issue a card to anyone with the same name as a suspect on the No Fly List. (To learn more, go to FlyClear.com.)

Will the Clear card concept eventually take off across the country? Arthur Frommer thinks not. “It’s absurd,” he says. “It’s pretentious status-seeking.”

Besides, he adds, “Let’s say you’re taken aside. The whole process takes two to three minutes. It’s a chore for me, but I can endure it. I’d rather they do that than permit terrorists to board planes. So what if they take your shoes off and examine you? That’s the price you pay to avoid another 9/11 coming along.”

More to Know Before You Go
When it comes to checked luggage, searches are not random. “It happens only when a security officer runs a bag through the explosive-detection machine and sees something he’s uncomfortable with,” Davis says. “Sometimes it happens simply because the image isn’t clear — there’s an odd shape or something opaque.” If it happens to you, you’ll find an official notice when you open your bag telling you they’ve had a look inside it.

Another point worth noting: Size restrictions for carry-on luggage vary from carrier to carrier and from domestic to international flights on the same airline. Suspect you’re pushing maximum capacity? Check your carrier’s Web site or call customer service to learn the specific dimensions allowed before you pack. Flyers find few things more irksome than being forced to check a favorite bag filled with breakable necessities because it misses the acceptable size by a hairsbreadth.

Finally, the TSA maintains a handy online tool that travelers can access to learn the average security-check wait time in every terminal at 435 U.S. airports. Data is updated continually and is based on wait times clocked over the past four weeks. Go to http://waittime.tsa.dhs.gov/index.html or check the TSA’s home page, then click on “For Travelers”; “Wait Times,” which is the last item listed under “Air Travel.”

Stop Looking Desperate

2007-12-23T07:48:00.000+08:00

Many of us fumble over word choice and delivery when it comes to introducing ourselves to or conversing with a woman of interest. If you seem to be striking out frequently, you may want to consider changing a few things, like your body language or your choice of conversation. You may think you appear cool and confident, but these things may very well be sending messages that read: YOU’RE DESPERATE.

To stop looking desperate and losing a potential candidate for a casual, long-term or serious relationship, here are some tips that can help you master the art of appearing assured -- the
opposite of desperate -- in your romantic endeavors.

Approach with confidence
Oftentimes, confidence (not arrogance) can be exhibited in the way you introduce yourself -- the way you walk, speak and make eye contact -- and is an easy way to let a woman know you are interested in getting to know her. Appearing too interested may emit signals of eagerness, which ultimately gives the impression that you have very little experience in dealing with the opposite sex.

Sometimes, envisioning yourself interacting with a potential date works well with projecting confidence, and changing your posture, your stance and your footing. If you approach a nice-looking woman, all the while thinking “she is way out of my range, but I will give it a shot,” believe me, it will come out in your conversation. Knowing what you want and building your confidence beforehand can prevent some embarrassing situations and can help you to stop looking desperate.

Before walking over to your woman of interest, close your eyes and take a breath. When you exhale, remember all of your accomplishments. Most importantly, remember the hardest thing you overcame that had the greatest outcome in your life. Absorb the emotion behind your triumph and the confidence you exuded shortly after being rewarded. Then open your eyes and start to make your way toward your dream date using that same emotion and sense of accomplishment to propel you toward introducing yourself with confidence.

More ways to stop looking desperate in front of the ladies…

Don’t self-advertise
By the time you are engaged in a conversation with your woman of choice, you can stop looking desperate by being mindful of how you share information about yourself. Divulging an overabundance of facts, statistics and achievements may appear as if you are soliciting affection from any and all takers. Inundating a woman with all of your star qualities in your initial interaction may backfire, making you come off as trying too hard to impress her or attempting to coax her into liking you. If you have confidence in yourself, the qualities you exude will speak for themselves and you won’t need to expend so much time in areas of self-promotion. This will also allow her the opportunity to express her own life interests and qualities, which will ultimately give you bonus points for being a good listener.

Instead of running down a list of accomplishments or how many times you play golf with the executives at your firm, listen to what she has to say. A woman who is interested in you will guide you into telling her exactly what she needs to know to be impressed. Once the conversation gets rolling, replace the word “I” with “you,” followed by a question mark. A woman is far more impressed with a man who shows interest in her well-being than with a man who tells you how many trophies and degrees he has on his wall. Trust me, the number of cars you drive, houses you own or promotions you have attained will be pulled from you in a matter of time. To stop looking desperate, all you have to do is have a little bit of patience and wait for the opportunity to share.

Don't talk about your past
When seeking a quality relationship, unloading baggage onto the doorstep of a potential love interest is the easiest way to seem too desperate to move on and to get someone to lose interest in you quickly. Even if you have recently ended a relationship and are getting your feet wet in the dating game, do your best to stop looking desperate by refraining from discussing the details of your breakup. Women like to know that you have accepted the end and moved past your pain, and that you can now cultivate a healthy relationship. It might even be a good idea to avoid dating soon after a breakup. Give yourself an opportunity to rid yourself of baggage that can definitely hinder growth and fruitful interaction with someone you like. Exerting energy and sharing details about why your last relationship didn’t work means you aren’t ready for new possibilities.

signs of desperation
Most men get nervous during their initial interaction with a beautiful woman, but with a little bit of confidence and a few vital conversation pointers, these men can stop looking desperate and start picking up.

Why Invest or Do Business In Malaysia ?

2007-12-21T08:52:00.000+08:00

A good question that is often asked is why should a company invest or do business in Malaysia?

Malaysia offers:

- A pro-business government environment, stable political and legal systems with the ideal pre-requisites for growth and profits.

- Attractive tax incentive packages which allow, among others, companies to enjoy full corporate tax exemption of up to 15 years.

- Productive manpower and wage rates of between 8 to 10 times cheaper than many developed countries.

- A diversified economy with vast business opportunities both in resource-based and non-resource-based industries.

- One of the most well-developed infrastructure and logistical networks in Southeast Asia.

- A home to more than 4,000 foreign companies from 40 countries.

- Intellectual property protection which conforms to international standards.

- A dynamic trading nation with two-way trade between US and Malaysia reaching US$50.2 billion, making Malaysia the 10th largest trading partner of the USA.

- Membership in ASEAN with the advantage of immediate access to the ASEAN Free Trade Area (AFTA) of more than 550 million consumers with a combined GDP of $800 billion.

- Outstanding quality of life with rich diversity of cultures, modern medical facilities and international schools.

Also Malaysia is:
• One of the top ten countries in the world as a choice business location (TNS Global Survey 2005).

• Third best country in the world for outsourcing business (Offshore Location Attractiveness Index 2005 by A.T. Kearney). and is ranked 21st most competitive, among 131 economies, under The Global Competitiveness Report 2007 – 2008, by the Geneva-based World Economic Forum (WEF).

• among the world's top 20 attractive countries for foreign direct investment (FDI), according to the World Investment Prospects Survey 2007 – 2009 FDI by the United Nations Conference on Trade and Development (UNCTAD)

• Ranked in the top five countries for energy, finance and logistics in global shared services and outsourcing (SSO Hub Potential Analysis 2005 by Frost & Sullivan).

Introduction To Tourism Malaysia

2007-12-20T10:52:00.000+08:00

The Tourist Development Corporation of Malaysia (TDC) was established on 10 August 1972 as an agency under the former Ministry of Trade and Industry by an Act of Parliament. It was a year that saw full-fledged efforts and determination to promote tourism. On 20 May 1987, the Ministry of Culture, Arts and Tourism was founded. TDC was then moved from the Ministry of Trade and Industry to this new ministry. In May 1992, the Tourist Development Corporation of Malaysia Act 1972 was repealed and replaced by the Malaysia Tourism Promotion Board Act 1992. With this change, the Malaysia Tourism Promotion Board (MTPB), more popularly known as "Tourism Malaysia", was formally established. It was relieved of its former development and enforcement functions to enable it to focus specifically on promoting Malaysia at a domestic and international level.

Tourism Malaysia's objective is to promote Malaysia as an outstanding tourist destination. They strive to increase awareness of Malaysia's unique wonders, attractions and cultures. Ultimately, the aim is to increase the number of foreign tourists to Malaysia, extend the average length of their stay and, in doing so, increase Malaysia's tourism revenue. Also, Tourism Malaysia also aspires to develop domestic tourism and enhance Malaysia's share of the market for meetings, incentives, conventions and exhibitions (MICE).

Tourism Malaysia's activities are designed to stimulate Malaysian tourism and tourism-related industries. This helps promote new investments in the country while providing increased employment opportunities. The growth of Malaysian tourism will contribute positively to the country's economic development and quality of life. Norazmi Omar is the Deputy Director, Western USA/Latin America based in Los Angeles, CA and we look forward to assisting him.

Tourism Malaysia collaborates with the private sector, like hotels, airlines and travel agencies, in organizing sales missions to various foreign countries. These missions are intended to raise awareness about Malaysia as a leading tourist destination and to provide opportunities for establishing contacts between tour operators and tourism suppliers. Also, in partnership with organizations directly involved in the tour industry, Tourism Malaysia's participation in trade and tourism fairs helps to reinforce Malaysia's position as an attractive destination. Tourism Malaysia's overseas offices regularly conduct seminars, workshops and familiarization programs. Initiatives targeted at traditional markets are designed to sustain continued interest in Malaysia, while the programs for new potential markets seek to create awareness to attract new visitors. Consumers get an introduction to the alluring Malaysian culture, its art, handicrafts and cuisine. Conducted abroad at hotels and shopping complexes, these fairs showcase unique Malaysian attractions to stimulate visitors' curiousity and desire to travel to Malaysia.

Personal Finance Books

2007-12-19T10:01:00.000+08:00

Helpful personal finance books

With finance being such a hot topic these days, it's no wonder so many authors try to capitalize on this trend by publishing personal finance books. While it is nice to have such a broad range of resources available, it can become difficult to discern which books are the most useful. This list of personal finance books may not be exhaustive, but it does include some of the most valuable titles on the market.

Smart Couples Finish Rich

By: David Bach

Did you notice that you had more money when you were single? Now that you are in a committed relationship, even with the dual incomes, you seem to have less cash than ever. If you are married, heading in that direction or are planning on being married one day, this personal finance book is a must-read. It keys in on how the purpose of money changes during a relationship, and while it may seem you are consolidating expenses, relationships also open up an entirely new set of financial pitfalls. In short, this book discusses how to best communicate about finances while you are in a relationship. Often, people think that discussing money or budgeting detracts from the romantic aspects of the relationship; however, not discussing it and forming shared goals is when one person runs up a huge credit card bill. Smart Couples Finish Rich helps you discuss finances with your significant other, work toward common goals and align your personal values to make for a financially secure future.

Generation Debt

By: Anya Kamenetz

Anya Kamenetz’s Generation Debt caused such a stir and gained such notoriety that she was offered a columnist position on Yahoo! We have all heard of the inordinate amount of debt that plagues just about every American, particularly the Generation X and Y groups. Furthermore, we have all heard advertisements on how to consolidate your debt and become debt-free. Yet, there still seems to be a lack of education and knowledge as to exactly why this debt phenomenon is in existence. This personal finance book does not provide the tools to become debt-free, but rather explains why debt happens. For example, it discusses how the cost of education has exploded and how having your degree is no longer a surefire way to achieve financial success. Additionally, the wave of materialism and the average Joe’s exposure to high-priced luxury items has also contributed to the effect. Generation Debt will help you understand these socioeconomic trends, and can equip you to better deal with debt and avoid its downward spiral.

More personal finance books for your reading pleasure…

Rich Dad, Poor Dad

By: Robert Kiyosaki

Rich Dad, Poor Dad is more inspirational than practical, but this personal finance book has a cult following as it discusses very basic topics, such as working smarter rather than harder. To get some substance out of this personal finance book, you must read between the lines and take Kiyosaki's nearly fictional stories and apply them to what is relevant in your life. For example, if you are cubicle-bound and have eight bosses, it won't be easy to start having everyone work for you so you can work smarter, not harder. However, there are ways you can apply the given tips in your everyday life. For instance, it might make sense to hire a personal bookkeeper for a couple of hundred bucks a month, and then you can take those painful accounting hours and convert them into something more profitable for you. In short, it’s not wise to take the tips in this book at face value, but with such a wide following, this is a personal finance book you can’t afford to miss.

Bargaining for Advantage

By: G. Richard Shell

Many of the best financial minds out there lack a very basic skill that can really help reap financial rewards: negotiating. For example, your squeaky-clean, debt-free, financially stable buddy may have his act together in that arena, but consistently leaves money on the table. Effectively negotiating is not just reserved for the corporate world; it’s very personal. Everything from your salary to your mortgage is negotiable. This personal finance book is a great read that discusses and instructs you to understand both sides of the equation and come out on top. Even if you have your financial act together, you can always learn to become a better negotiator -- it can mean the difference between a 5% raise and a 15% raise.

The Wealthy Barber

By: David Chilton

How does the big-time banker with a six-figure salary end up declaring bankruptcy? How does the lifelong teacher buy a home in the most exclusive neighborhood? The Wealthy Barber offers some very simple insight on how this happens. This personal finance book strongly proclaims that slow and steady wins the race. Dave Chilton states that understanding, education and patience can make you very wealthy and let you have the lifestyle you want. The book is a great read, even for the most financially illiterate men, which just so happens to be the title of the first chapter. Chilton does an excellent job identifying very sound financial principles and practices and puts them into words that bring light to the bigger picture. The Wealthy Barber also delves into other critical elements that make for a complete financial picture, such as investments, retirement planning, taxes, and estates/wills.

financial reading

Certainly, there are many more personal finance books available that can help you put your finances into perspective, but the ones listed here are a great place to start. Pick up the title that seems most suitable to your financial needs, and you’ll be well on your way to becoming money smart.

The Meaning of Dreams

2007-12-17T08:11:00.000+08:00

Did you dream last night? Is a vivid dream you had last week still on your mind? Or perhaps you woke up and couldn’t remember what you’d dreamt about even though it was so good you didn’t want it to end. Dreams are a common part of everyone’s beauty rest. In fact, it’s estimated that we’ll spend about six years dreaming during our lifetime. With so much time spent dreaming, doesn’t it make sense that our dreams are somehow relevant to our life? Find out why we dream and if dreams act as a bridge to our emotions…

The meaning of dreams has been a classic debate in scientific laboratories and psychologists offices for thousands of years. In the earliest centuries, interpreting dreams occurred in the context of religion and philosophy. Then came the famed psychologist Sigmund Freud, who believed dreams were wish fulfillments arising from our unconscious psyche.

Today, researchers are more inclined to believe that dreams are simply the result of physiological stimulations that occur during sleep. With no one clear answer, what can we really learn from our dreams? Are they truly prophetic, or something much simpler?

The Sleep Cycle

One thing experts do agree on is the majority of dreams occur during the REM (Rapid Eye Movement) cycle of sleep, which occurs at 60-90 minute intervals throughout the night.

There are five stages of the sleep cycle we go through while we rest. After the fourth stage of this cycle, which is the deepest sleep stage, REM begins.

This fifth stage of the sleep cycle is a very active stage in which the heart beat is elevated, breathing increases and blood pressure rises. The easiest way to tell if someone is in REM sleep is to check for eye movement.

REM sleep is thought to be so important to overall health that numerous studies have been conducted to determine whether or not a lack of it affects mental abilities such as memory, concentration and learning.

While lack of overall sleep is known to cause problems in these areas, so far there’s no conclusive evidence that lack of REM sleep is the culprit.

What are Dreams?

When it comes to dreams, the age-old question is: Are dreams psychological or physiological?

There’s no definite answer, but one of the best physiological theories in summary is that dreams are the result of random electrical brain impulses that pull past experiences from the memory, and that dreaming takes over where the active (awake) brain leaves off.

But then there’s one of the most prominent psychological theories that comes from Freud’s “The Interpretation of Dreams.” He theorizes that our mind buries emotions that aren’t conscious to us, but when we dream, our mind releases those unconscious emotions.

Freud also believed many of our dreams are ways in which we act out our suppressed desires.

But what about those dreams that resemble situations from our current lives, or those common dreams we all seem to share? And if dreams are so telling of our own lives, why is it so hard to sometimes remember them?

Remembering Dreams

You’re on a tropical island, swimming with dolphins, when an old flame suddenly appears, and you really want to see what happens.

But a loud beeping sound is ruining the moment. Finally, you realize your alarm is going off and you reach for the snooze button so you can get back to the dream. But now you’re awake.

How long does it take for you to forget your dream?

Too often you may know that you dreamt or remember fragments of your dream, but the longer you take to process what you were dreaming about, the more you won’t remember.

Remembering dreams is the key to interpreting them. Stay in bed an extra five minutes or so and try to capture what was just going on in your head, bringing the subconscious into your consciousness.

Once your dream is firmly planted in your conscious memory, you’ll be able to use the details for interpreting your dreams.

Interpreting Your Dreams

If some dream researchers theorize that dreams have to do with individual circumstances from our lives, why do so many people dream about the same things?

Perhaps it’s the fact that, as unique as we all are, there is a common thread of experiences we all share at some time in our lives.

If you’ve ever dreamt one of the following dreams, you’re not alone. Here are what some dream decoders say these common dreams mean:

Being Chased
For some, this can be a harmless dream, but for others, it’s more of a nightmare. Often, you’re being chased by someone who never catches up to you.

What could this mean? Being chased usually represents a problem you’re running away from, and the person chasing you is symbolic of where that problem comes from.

Naked in Public
Almost all of us have experienced this dream of being naked while in public, usually at work or at school.

Going naked in public is said to mean you’re trying hide something (ironic, right?), or that you’re not well-prepared for something, and people will know it.

Flying
You’re soaring in the sky, not even necessarily by way of wings. Dream decoders believe this dream means you feel in control of your life or have recently gained a new perspective on life.

However, if you feel scared while you’re in flight, this may signal you’re hesitant to face current problems or challenges in your life.

Losing Teeth
If your tooth is loose or all of your teeth have fallen out, you may be having issues with your appearance.

You might be embarrassed about something, which could be preventing you from successfully communicating with someone (teeth are a symbol of power and communication).

So is Freud on to something when talking about interpreting your dreams? Maybe, maybe not.

The fact remains that dreams are a part of our night whether or not the meaning of dreams can be tied to what’s going on in our lives. However, we can’t deny that dreams can be powerful and intense and can impact the beginning of a brand new day.

Who Should Pay?

2007-12-16T16:08:00.000+08:00

Who should pay on a date?
In the dating world, modern man continues to wrestle with one all-important question: Who should pay on a date?

Not so long ago, the answer to the “who should pay?” question was a fairly easy one, but that’s not the case anymore. Evolving beliefs and social norms have muddied the water on who’s responsible for picking up the tab. Added to that, issues of equality and fairness have crept into the fabric of our lives, especially in the world of men and women. Today, every time the check arrives, guys must weigh their options carefully and proceed with caution; each decision not only influences the early stages of dating, but also affects the foundation of the entire relationship.

As a consequence, an egalitarian answer is always required, so below are two important relationship benchmarks that will shed some light on the “who should pay” conundrum.

Months 1 & 2

In the beginning, there was man; similarly, in the beginning of the relationship, it is the man who pays. The first two months provide guys the opportunity to prove they’re solvent, capable and understand the social conventions of dating -- and all are three important qualities ladies will be looking for in a date. During this time, as you pursue the relationship, you’ll be the one initiating the majority of the dates (if she’s a “keeper,” you should be initiating almost all of them), thus making it your duty to pick up the tab. Please note that nowhere is this more crucial than on the first date; regardless of the situation (she asks you, she insists on chipping in, you’re in purgatory), a true gentleman will unfailingly pay for the first date -- it’s the honorable thing to do.

First date aside, though, men shouldn’t expect to pay for every date during the first two months. On those occasions when the lady instigates the meeting, the guy should allow her to pick up the tab. Even playfully suggesting that she catch “this one” falls well within the range of acceptable behavior, especially when she’s extended the invitation. In fact, feel empowered to make this move, which will convey to her that you’re not planning on paying for everything.

But, if she’s a quality girl, you can expect she’ll grab the check when it arrives -- and let her. This move on her part sends two important messages: a sign of respect to you and a statement of equality for her. So, allow her to pay when she initiates the date. Conversely, during these early stages, keep in mind that if she never makes the gesture to reciprocate -- especially on those dates she initiated -- chances are she never will.

Who should pay after month three?

Months 3+

Defining the relationship usually occurs sometime around month three, and when it comes to who should pay, it’s around this time that payment obligations begin to shift. At this juncture, you should apply a new 3:1 ratio on the “who should pay” rule: For every three dates you pay for, she pays for one. You can plan to use this tactic for the remainder of the relationship too. Since we don’t live in a black-and-white world, however, there are a couple of caveats to this new dynamic: 1- It only applies to dates and trips together; 2- It’s only a general rule of thumb, not an explicit formula that you have to follow devotedly.

Maintaining an official scorecard isn’t necessary -- and could be counterproductive -- because a relationship is, or at least should be, flexible. Sometimes you'll get the dinner and she’ll get the drinks, sometimes you’ll go on a spending spree and sometimes she will -- it’s just a matter of staying in the ballpark of 3:1 throughout. Doing so will bring a healthy balance and establish a true feeling of shared responsibility in the relationship.

The second -- and perhaps most unsteady -- part of this evolution, though, comes when you actually begin initiating the 3:1 cycle. Obviously, you won’t casually announce this “who should pay” rule over dinner or on an afternoon drive, so strategic measures are required. Luckily, basic implementation is quite simple: Just be slow on the draw to your wallet and give her ample opportunity to go for hers instead. At three months into things, she’ll be ready to pay if she hasn't started contributing already, so simply let her cover the cost of every fourth date.

If she isn’t responding to the cue, then be a bit more obvious: Excuse yourself to the restroom after the check arrives or politely hint with a laugh that it’s “her turn” -- anything subtle to suggest that you’d like her to participate in this aspect of the relationship, which is the healthy and fair thing to do. And definitely at this point, if your suggestions exasperate her or she plainly refuses to pay, you may want to seriously consider withdrawing yourself from the relationship.

check please!

On a date, the answer to who should pay says a lot about the status, future and well-being of the relationship. And since no hard-and-fast rules exist, it’s important for guys to understand this basic timeline so they can make wise, strategic decisions to establish a strong, healthy, equitable relationship.

15 Etiquette Tips for Holiday Parties

2007-12-15T07:56:00.000+08:00

How to Be On Your Best Behavior

The holidays are upon us, and it’s time to put on your party dress. But hold on just a second before you head toward the host’s open bar. You may enjoy a good soirée, but do you know how to be a good guest? There’s more to it than showing up for a free meal and cocktails. Be a standout partygoer with these 15 tips (there’s even a few for the host) from etiquette experts Ann Marie Sabath of At Ease Inc. and Anna Post of the Emily Post Institute. You’re sure to make your host feel appreciated, and you just might score an invitation to next year’s bash...

1. Always RSVP… and do it ASAP.
“The most commonly made faux pas during the holidays is for individuals to not respond when they have received an invitation with an RSVP,” says Sabath, founder of At Ease Inc. (AtEaseInc.com) and author of One Minute Manners: Quick Solutions to the Most Awkward Situations You’ll Ever Face at Work (Broadway, 2007).

The acronym RSVP stands for “repondez s'il vous plaît,” which translates literally to “respond if you please.” If an invitation says “regrets only,” you need only let your host know if you are unable to attend.

2. Dress appropriately.
Not sure what “festive attire” means? Go ahead and call your host for clarification, says Post, great-great-granddaughter of Emily Post and author of Emily Post’s Wedding Parties (Harper Collins, 2007). “I sympathize,” she says. “It is supposed to be helpful, but if you are finding it is confusing, go ahead and ask.”

Otherwise, “festive” or “holiday” attire means to dress nicely, whatever that means for you, she says. It can be anything from adding a dazzling necklace to nice jeans and a sweater (if your crowd is casual) or a satin skirt and evening top. “Anything along those lines that is a little extra special is nice,” Post says.

3. Don’t bring extra guests.
Unless the invitation allows for “plus one,” it is an etiquette no-no to bring someone who isn’t invited to the party. “That is imposing,” Sabath says. However, if you know your host well enough, you can call and let her know that you’d love to attend but you have a guest in town or a significant other. It is then up to her to decide if she can accommodate an extra person.

If you are the host and someone brings along an unexpected guest, do your best to make him or her feel welcome and comfortable.

4. Keep your season’s greeting holiday neutral.
From Christmas to Hanukkah to Kwanzaa, there is much to celebrate in December. Be inclusive in your seasonal cheer and stick to “Happy Holidays” when greeting your host, as well as the other guests.

5. Never show up empty-handed.
When invited to a holiday gathering at someone’s home, Sabath says that etiquette dictates you always arrive with something in hand. She recommends a bottle of wine or a box of Godiva chocolates.

6. Be prepared for unexpected gifts.
Avoid awkwardness when you get a present you weren’t expecting. Buy a few extra holiday gift cards from popular stores (Starbucks, Barnes & Noble) and slip them into your purse when attending holiday get-togethers with friends or colleagues. “You’ll be pleased to have these on hand when a colleague or even a boss hands you an unexpected gift,” Sabath says.

7. Prep your date.
Give your significant other a few details about the other guests who will be in attendance before you arrive. Knowing about your co-worker’s recent trip or your best friend’s holiday plans will allow your date to be more engaged with other partygoers. The benefit is two-fold: Armed with an ice breaker, he or she will have more fun and feel more comfortable, and the other guests will be impressed with your date’s conversational skills.

8. Don’t huddle.
It is natural to want to gravitate toward friends, but don’t section yourself off from the rest of the room. A party is a celebration meant to be shared with all the guests, not just those you already know. If you don’t mingle, you’ll miss an opportunity to get acquainted with people who may widen your personal or professional circle in the coming year.

“Walk into the room alone and approach people you don’t know before visiting with people you do know,” Sabath says. If you’re truly at a loss for words, remember that you have at least one thing in common with everyone else: You all know the host!

9. Keep an eye on difficult guests.
This is a tip for the host, but as a guest you might be called upon to lend a hand. If one of the other partygoers is notorious for making inappropriate comments or has a tendency to hit the holiday hooch a bit too hard, the host may assign someone to discreetly monitor the situation. Politely steer people away from alcohol if it is causing a problem. Consider talking to the difficult guest prior to the party to let him or her know that prickly topics are off-limits this year.

10. Graciously accept what is offered.
You love Great-Aunt Ethel, but you hate her Waldorf salad… and everyone else does, too. You can suggest that this year she treat everyone to one of her other wonderful recipes. But if Great-Aunt Ethel doesn’t take the hint, accept the offending dish with enthusiasm and thanks. Just wait until after she leaves to toss the barely-touched food down the garbage disposal.

11. Enjoy in moderation.
When it comes to “eat, drink and be merry,” keep this advice in mind: “Do not treat the buffet as a trough,” Sabath says. “Never let alcohol act as truth serum.” Resisting the urge to take advantage of the free drinks is particularly important at the office holiday party. Post recommends a one-drink maximum.

“You don’t want to do anything you are going to have to apologize for the next day,” she says. “That being said, your friends are more likely to forgive you than your boss.”

12. Mention dietary restrictions.
You are a vegetarian, you don’t eat anything orange or you just happen to hate peas. That’s certainly your choice, but you shouldn’t impose your eating habits on others. Simply take servings of the foods you can eat without making an issue of your personal preferences.

However, if you have a true medical restriction or food allergy (for example, to nuts or wheat), it is acceptable to let your host know so he or she can make accommodations, Sabath says. You may even offer to bring a favorite dish to the party for everyone to enjoy.

13. Mind your table manners.
Not sure which one is the bread plate or what fork to use? Rule of thumb: Use utensils from the outside in. A utensil at the top of your plate is for either dessert or a beverage. Bread and salad plates are to the left of the dinner plate and your beverage glasses are to the right. Protocol dictates that food is offered to the left and then passed to the right. But says Post, “If the situation calls for something else, go ahead and do what makes sense.”

Also, never apply lipstick, brush your hair or pick your teeth at the table.

14. Make a smooth departure.
Don’t leave your conversation partners hanging when you’re ready to chat with someone else. An abrupt exit will make the people you left feel that they said or did something wrong. Instead, take a more tactful approach. Wishing your conversation partner a safe upcoming trip or good luck on a new job will allow you a natural departure.

15. Always write a thank-you note.
Be sure to send it within 24-48 hours of attending the party. “Any time it takes more than 15 minutes for someone to do something for you, a thank-you note should go out,” Sabath says. In fact, Post recommends thanking your host twice: verbally when you leave the party and with a handwritten note the next day. “It sounds so easy,” Post says. “But the number one biggest thing is forgetting to say thank you.”

Dealing With Regret? How to Let Go

2007-12-14T07:51:00.000+08:00

In life, regrets are inevitable – kind of like paying taxes and dying. No matter how much you plan out your decisions, you will still have regrets. What could have been and what you can’t know for sure will always be in the back of your mind, especially if you are disappointed with the outcome of your final choices. But for those of you who let regrets paralyze your present, it’s time to accept what is instead of what could have been, and start constructively dealing with regret. Find out how.

While some people strive to live by the motto, “No regrets,” most find it unrealistic. Regrets stem from our human nature to question the course our lives haven taken as a result of the decisions we’ve made.

While your choices may have really been the best ones, sometimes it just seems like the grass is greener on the other side – and sometimes it may very well be.

Between career regrets, parenting regrets, relationship regrets, and health regrets, many of us get incredibly caught up in what we wish was or wasn’t. Why? Because you either never anticipated you’d make those mistakes and you’d reach the current outcome, or because you had no choice in the matter, but still embrace unnecessary responsibility.

Sometimes, it may be the non-action you took that has you full of regret, and you only now realize its impact once it’s too late. But when you’re weighted down with regret, it’s difficult to enjoy and appreciate the good things in your present life – your husband, your job, your health, etc.

And when you’re full of regret, you haven’t adequately worked through the emotions associated with your past experiences. Having regrets, especially ones you never voice, is also a way of refusing to let go of something, and that’s not healthy for your mental well-being.

Your regrets ultimately play a role in your destiny. First, regrets either serve solely as reminders of your mistakes, or as reminders to take the lesson from your mistakes and not make the same mistake twice.

So what about destiny? Is whatever happened supposed to have happened because the course you’re on is what you were ultimately destined to take? Does everything really happen for a reason, as they say?

Maybe, and maybe not – you have to decide that.

But what you do know for certain is that what’s happened in the past has happened, and unfortunately, sometimes there are no do-overs.

Fortunately, there are steps you can take to stop ruminating and release your disappointment so you can start letting go of the past. Regrets don’t have to be a burden on your present and your future. Start dealing with regret effectively with these four tips:

1. Acknowledge your faults

Your regrets may stem from something you did or something that was out of your hands. When you didn’t make the best decision, it’s important to start accepting responsibility for it. How can you healthfully move on if you won’t acknowledge the reality of the role you played?

Ask yourself what your prime motivation was, and what your priorities should be next time. Accepting responsibility can be quite empowering, and it will allow you to more realistically evaluate a future decision.

2. Let go of a small regret first

Do you have a major regret that seems to eat at you the most? Before you can make peace with it, work on making peace with a smaller regret first. Maybe it was the party where your best friend met tons of potential suitors at, but you blew it off last minute. You can’t help but think, what if my soulmate was somewhere in that crowd?

Not the most life-altering mistake, is it? Put this regret into perspective and do away with it. Once you see how good it feels to rid yourself of a minor burden, you’ll be more motivated to purge the other baggage you carry with you.

3. Find meaning

There is a lesson with every regret, and it’s just waiting for you to find. Think of regret as a learning opportunity – it is the only way you’ll ever find some value in it – and there’s always something to be taken away from your experiences.

To find the lesson, you must ask yourself exactly why you’re letting go of the regret.

For example, “I am letting go of this regret because it’s taking away time I can be devoting to my kids.” When you start to acknowledge the impact of the grip it has over you, you’ll probably find yourself embarrassed or ashamed of how it’s also hurting those around you. You’ll get real clarity on why it’s time to start letting go of the past.

Next, if possible, take the steps necessary to mend your mistakes. For example, if you regret not telling someone how you felt about him or her before they passed away, make an effort to let those in your life now know how much you love and appreciate them. Or, if you had an abortion and regret it, volunteer at a women’s center to help other young women who are in the same situation you were in. You may not be able to take something back, but you can use the lessons you've learned to help others.

4. Modify your expectations

Whether it’s your personal expectation or other’s expectations of you, ask yourself if you’re being realistic about them. If your expectations aren’t realistic, you may discover the reasons for the outcome of your regret in the first place.

It’s a good thing to set your expectations high, just so long as they don’t become so impractical that regrets become inevitable. Modify your expectations next time and minimize the opportunity to have regrets in the future.

While it’s likely you won’t escape regrets in your life, you can learn how to make mends with yourself in order to minimize the negative influence you let regrets have in your life. Not only will you be a happier person, but your loved ones who suffer as a result will, too.

Can You Work a Room?

2007-12-13T22:03:00.000+08:00

How to Meet, Greet and Charm People

Do you dread making small talk at business luncheons? Do you find yourself stuck in awkward silences with family members? Whether you want to improve your social skills in your business or personal life, Susan RoAne, best-selling author of How to Work a Room (Collins, 2007), can help. How to feel at ease, meet new people and form new relationships – no matter the situation…

Savvy social skills are essential for almost everyone. Business executives need them to schmooze potential clients, singles use them to charm potential love interests, and party guests rely on them to make it through the evening.

Whether you’re at a wedding, holiday party or casual barbeque, working a room with pizzazz will ensure that everyone remembers you. Not only will you enjoy the event more, but you’ll make new friends and contacts along the way.

Prepare

Think of your pre-event prep as if you’re studying for a test: Your work begins before class. You’ll ace the next event with this study guide:

1. Change your outlook.

So you’d rather clean your bathroom than attend your second cousin’s graduation or your company’s dull holiday party. Accept the invitation anyway and turn it into your advantage. “Instead of thinking ‘I don’t want to waste time,’ think ‘I wonder who I’m going to meet,’” RoAne says. “Think of [the event] as an opportunity.”

2. Practice introducing yourself.

Keep the introduction around 7-9 seconds and tailor it to the event. For example, if you’re taking a Spanish class, mention why you’re interested in the language: “Hi, I’m Vanessa. I’m visiting Mexico in six months, and I want to make sure I’m prepared.” At a social party, start with something funny, like this suggestion from RoAne’s book: “Don’t these desserts look decadent? Hi, I’m George, chocoholic.”

3. Remember that you, too, have something to offer.

This is always true, no matter the credentials or accomplishments of those in the room. To boost your confidence, brainstorm your inner assets pre-party. What are you interested in? What are your skills? Being reminded of your good points will make you feel more at ease, even when you’re introduced to big shots and CEOs.

4. Research online.

If you’re going to a trade show or conference, look for relevant facts about the organization. If the event is social, look for interesting trivia about the gathering place.

5. Dress creatively.

Creative doesn’t mean weird. Leave the jodhpurs and caftan at home. Stick with the dress code, but within those guidelines create a look that lets people know how interesting you are. “Help people talk to you,” RoAne suggests. A stylish hat, a colorful blouse or an exotic necklace are all great conversation starters.

6. Just say yes.

If your friends invite you to a concert but you’ve never heard of the band, go with them anyway. New experiences make you a more interesting person, plus you will add a new anecdote to your conversation repertoire.

7. Build a bank of conversation starters.

Begin by reading the newspaper every day. “A good conversationalist is well-read, well-versed and well-rounded,” RoAne explains in How to Work a Room. “He or she knows what is going on in the world and can talk about it.” Catching up on current events and being knowledgeable about a variety of topics will help you make meaningful contributions to conversations.

At the Event

1. Don’t arrive more than 15 minutes late.

If you get there early, the room will walk to you. If you come late, people will already be mid-conversation when you arrive.

2. Be available.

What happens if everyone is already in groups when you get there? Sometimes the event’s host will introduce you to others – but don’t rely on this. Find a group of at least three people who are talking animatedly and having fun, and stand close by. When the opportunity arises, nod and make a pleasantry.

Another tip: Be honest and unafraid to admit that you don’t know anyone there. RoAne remembers a friend who approached groups with a big smile on her face and simply asked “May I join you?” No one ever replied, “No, we don’t want you.”

3. Search for mutual territory.

Have no idea how to start a conversation? If you and others are in the same room, you already have something in common. Ask how they know the host, comment on the food, or find out if they traveled far to get there. Identify some common ground: Maybe you both like to swim or have just seen the same movie.

4. Talk to strangers.

Yes, you’re putting your ego on the line every time you approach someone new, but this is the best way to create social and business opportunities. “The rewards in life go to the risk-takers,” RoAne says. If your prospect doesn’t seem interested in conversation, politely excuse yourself and move on. The person you think is “rejecting” you may just be preoccupied with business or personal worries.

5. Listen.

Make an effort to remember a person’s name, as well as what you discuss. “The [key] to remembering isn’t having a great memory,” RoAne says. “It’s about listening when people speak.” And don’t forget the other basics, like eye contact and receptive body language (leaning forward, nodding as someone speaks).

6. Be sincere.

Working a room can yield tremendous personal and professional gains. But whatever your goals are, keep this advice from RoAne in mind: “The people who are ultimately the most successful at working a room are those who genuinely like, respect and trust other people.”

Work the World

Even if you don’t have a social or business event coming up, plenty of potential friends and business contacts are within reach. You were born into a network; just look around. You have neighbors, family, friends, classmates, and co-workers. Even familiar faces at the gym and supermarket count as your network.

Your social skills will help wherever you are, even if you’re not working a room. Use them to make new friends at a park, bank, baseball game, bookstore, or on a plane. Everything – even running to the dry cleaners – is an opportunity to meet someone new. If you have to go somewhere anyway, you might as well go with the intention of having a good time.

“Woody Allen said that 80 percent of success is showing up, but showing up is not enough,” RoAne says. “You have to participate.”

Emotional Dating & More

2007-12-01T09:42:00.000+08:00

Learn emotional dating techniques and more

Should a guy go out alone when he wants to meet women, or should he go out with a wingman (one of his buddies)?

There are positives and negatives about using a buddy for a "wingman."

My opinions:

If you go out with a wingman, make sure he's A LOT better than you at meeting women. Pay attention, let him lead, and learn from the situations you get into.
If you don't have any friends that are good with women, FIND SOME. I don't care what you have to do, just go do it... Make some friends that are good with women and watch closely as they communicate with women.
It's also a good idea to use a wingman if you need the "moral support" of a friend to get yourself started meeting women. But make sure that your friend can handle himself when talking to women. If he can't, he's probably going to make things worse and scare women away from you. Trust me; I've been through this one MANY times.

What I'm trying to say is that using a "wingman" is great if it works for you. Try it.

If a woman never asks my name, is it a sign that she's not interested?

First, I'll say that if a woman doesn't ask your name, it MIGHT mean that she's not interested.

But the thing that concerns me about your question is that you're really looking in the wrong direction for clues to decide if a woman "likes you."

IT DOESN'T MATTER IF A WOMAN "LIKES" YOU!

The only thing that matters is whether or not she feels that powerful, magical, all-important emotion called ATTRACTION!

I've had women who were annoyed by me, bothered by me and basically upset at me, yet still feeling ATTRACTION for me because I did the right things.

I've had women who started out fighting with me, then felt so attracted to me that they wouldn't leave me alone for the evening until I gave them my number.

My point is that you need to get over caring what a woman thinks about you... And start doing the right things.

I met this one girl I really like. At first it seemed she really liked me too. But after a while of talking to her every day, she started acting cold. What should I do?

When you start calling a woman too often, acting clingy and needy, and generally behaving like a total WUSS BAG, you're probably going to drive her away.

Don't do it anymore!

You need to move on, and get over it.

It's a hard thing for most guys to accept, but when you've convinced a woman beyond the shadow of any reasonable doubt that you are a world-class WUSSY, you just need to move on.

It's an uphill battle to try to convince her otherwise, so just get on with your life, and
don't make the same mistake again.

Repeat after me: "I will stop acting like a WUSS."

Love; Hauntingly Beautiful

2007-11-30T08:05:00.000+08:00

They always say, ‘what does not kill us only makes us stronger’.

I humbly agree with the statement above because it is true that one can regain strength once more after a certain downfall because everyone has the capabilities of standing back up. It requires strong faith and belief that anything can be done or can happen because with the lackluster of self-esteem, getting up again after a fall is not going be easy.

Reminiscing the past, I realised that our human hearts can deliberately expand to contain the love that we have for people around us. It does not mean a heart can only love one person because it can give its portion of love to those surrounding us whom are dear. But sometimes, when you think about the love you had had for someone it can make you tear unknowingly.

My close friend told me that loving someone can never be wrong because it makes you a better person and teaches oneself how to love others and in return, their own selves. As they always say, love goes a long way and it goes around. Love is not just a feeling but a learning process which we learn and re-learn every time we encounter blistering mistakes. It teaches oneself how to be patient and never think that love is something bad or sinful.

There is always a higher purpose in life of what all of us have been through even though it may hurt in the beginning but the healing process will make us realise that there is a reason behind what has happened and to what extent are we supposed to comprehend the whole issue. It can tear one up to the lowest of low, but in the end it will only bring out the hero in that person; for gaining victor over the morbidity of the whole incident.

Love gives us strength; a kind of willpower that is hard to come by and it brings the best out of oneself. Though the pain inflicted by love can be excruciating, it will still help one to find the means of moving on with life and live with what had happened and learn from the mistakes.

14 Embarrassing Sex Questions – Answered!

2007-11-29T19:03:00.000+08:00

Women’s nether regions are often considered terra incognita… mysterious, dark places that are unfamiliar even to women themselves. We first shed light on the matter by answering seven embarrassing sex questions. Now we’re back with seven more (plus the original seven, in case you missed ‘em)! We rounded up sexual health experts to weigh in on subjects that women are often too red-faced to discuss with their gynecologists – or even their girlfriends. We asked the blunt questions, and they answered. Read on to get the lowdown on what’s really going on down low.

1. Why aren’t my breasts a perfectly matched set?
Unless they’ve been surgically altered, most women’s breasts are not perfectly matched. That’s because breasts are made of mammary gland tissue and fat, and there are naturally different amounts in each, explains Dr. Glenn Updike, assistant professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Magee Women’s Hospital in Pittsburgh.

All women have some difference in their breasts; for some, the difference is more pronounced. Usually, this is only a cosmetic, and sometimes comfort, issue. (If it’s embarrassing or impacting your sex life, surgical remedies are available.) However, while different-sized breasts are common, if one breast suddenly becomes much larger than the other it could indicate an infection or tumor, so have your gynecologist evaluate it immediately.

2. Is it normal to pass gas during orgasm?
When you climax, the muscles around your genitals – including the sphincter muscle – relax, and when they do, it’s not unusual for a little gas to escape, says Dr. Millicent Comrie, MPH, founder and medical director of the Long Island College Center for Women’s Health in Brooklyn. But even before orgasm, because the penis rubs against the anus through the vaginal wall, the in-and-out motion may trigger gas, Comrie says. If it’s a frequent problem and really embarrassing to you, she suggests taking an over-the-counter anti-gas medication that contains simethicone before having sex.

3. If I had a dream about having sex with another woman, does that mean I’m gay or bisexual?
Not necessarily, says Michele Sugg, a certified sex therapist in Branford, Connecticut, and member of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. It could mean you’re attracted to women (or a particular woman), but it could also mean you’re missing the closeness that friendships with women brings. “Sometimes women symbolize nurturance, love and closeness,” Sugg explains. “If you’re in a relationship with a guy and you’re not getting enough closeness, a dream like this might symbolize that you need more of that.”

It’s important to remember that an erotic dream doesn’t define your sexual identity. “Even if it means you feel sexually attracted to another woman, you don’t need to pigeonhole yourself,” Sugg says. “A lot of studies find that women’s sexuality is more fluid. Maybe at times you’ll be attracted to women and at times you won’t be. There’s a scale rather than being gay, straight or bi.”

4. Is a cold sore the same as herpes?
Cold sores don’t seem to carry the same stigma as genital herpes. But the fact is, strains of the same herpes simplex virus cause cold sores on the lips (and other areas of the face, chest, even the fingers), as well as the blisters around the genitals.

Herpes simplex virus 1 (HSV-1) usually occurs above the waist (generally through kissing or sharing eating utensils), while herpes simplex virus 2 (HSV-2) usually occurs below the waist (generally through sexual contact). But the reality is that you can get either virus in either area through oral-genital contact. “People aren’t as embarrassed to say ‘I get cold sores’, but fewer people are apt to bring up that they have genital herpes, although both of them could be in either place,” Updike says. Genital HSV-1 actually appears to be on the rise among adolescents, according to Comrie, “because they’re having oral sex instead of intercourse.” While both HSV1 and HSV2 are treatable, neither are curable.

Health experts say the popular belief that cold sores are benign stems from social perception – not medical reality. Actually, the virus strain that causes cold sores can, in some cases, also cause serious eye and brain infections. It’s estimated that 50%-80% of American adults have oral herpes, while 20% have genital herpes.

5. Can certain exercises really lead to better sex?
Absolutely. For starters, a good cardiovascular routine helps build energy and stamina. In addition, strength training and stretching can help you build muscles and improve your flexibility so you can get into – and maintain – various positions during sex.

The best exercise to improve sex is the Kegel squeeze – basically strength training for your pubococcygeus (or PC) muscles, which hold up your vagina, anus, uterus, bladder, and urethra. “The stronger these muscles are, the more intense your orgasms will be,” says Chicago sex and relationship therapist Laura Berman, Ph.D., author of Passion Prescription (Hyperion 2006).

To locate your PC muscles, try stopping the flow of urine when you pee. Hold the squeeze for five seconds, then release. Doing 50 to 150 Kegel squeezes a day will help keep those muscles in good sex shape. (Avoid doing Kegels regularly while urinating; it can lead to urinary tract and bladder infections.) “It builds the vaginal muscle up so you can really tighten around your partner,” Comrie says.

6. Is cybersex really cheating?
Those who take a Clintonian view of sex may not consider a volley of provocative emails to be cheating, given that the participants are only exchanging thoughts or fantasies, not bodily fluids. But ask yourself if you’d want your partner to read your exchange and if he’d be hurt, angry or resentful if he did. “If your partner wouldn’t feel comfortable with what you’re doing, you’re probably out of bounds in terms of your relationship agreement,” Sugg says. If the answer is yes, try to figure out what you’re looking for online that’s missing from your relationship. Maybe you’re bored with your sex life. Or your husband sees you as the mother of his children, while you still feel like a sex kitten. Or you want to try something extraordinary like role play or light bondage or even going to a sex party.

Rather than act out online, consider talking about it with your partner and expanding your sex life together. “When people can talk about their needs, there’s less It’s not cheating because it’s virtual,” Sugg says. Besides, real sex beats virtual sex any day.

7. Will my vagina be noticeably bigger after I have a baby?
If you push a baby out through your vagina, you can expect some stretching. “After delivery, the vaginal opening is anywhere from one to four centimeters bigger than it was before,” says Dr. Bruce Rosenzweig, director of urogynecology at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago. Whether your private parts snap back to pre-delivery size after your recovery depends on how big your baby was, how long you pushed, how well your OB repaired any tears, and whether you’re diligent about doing your postpartum Kegel exercises. “If you do those Kegel exercises to strengthen the vaginal muscles, the outcome is better,” Comrie says. If you had an episiotomy and your OB was meticulous about sewing it up, she adds, “you could be better than before.”

That said, after multiple deliveries, your vagina may still feel a bit roomier, and you may want more tightening than you’ll get from marathon Kegel sessions. If so, ask your gynecologist about vaginal reconstruction (aka perineoplasty or vaginoplasty), which can help lift and tighten the sagging muscles at the vagina’s opening and deeper inside.

8. I’ve never had an orgasm during intercourse. Is something wrong with me?
“If you can’t have orgasms with intercourse, you’re normal,” assures Stephanie Buehler, Psy.D., director of the Buehler Institute for sex therapy in Irvine, California. “Sometimes women get upset because their partners say “My last lover could have orgasms, so there must be something wrong with you.”

Now, assuming you don’t kick him to the curb for being an insensitive cad, you’re well within your rights to point out that about 70% of women don’t orgasm during intercourse without direct clitoral stimulation. You can also clue him in to the fact that it’s perfectly OK for one of you to lend a hand. “Touching your clitoris during sex really ups the chances that you’ll have an orgasm,” says Carol Queen, Ph.D., staff sexologist for the online sex toy boutique Good Vibrations (GoodVibes.com).

If you’ve never experienced an orgasm – and about 10% of women have not – you might consider investing in some slippery lube (not oil, which can irritate sensitive vaginal tissues) and spend some time experimenting alone. Don’t get discouraged if there are no immediate fireworks. “The first time, it might take an hour of stimulation to produce an orgasm; it might also take many tries to get comfortable with the feelings of strong arousal,” Buehler says.

(Worried a low libido is to blame? See our related story: 6 Reasons You’re Not in the Mood)

9. Where’s my G spot?
That’s the million-dollar sex question. Some researchers don’t believe in the G spot; others staunchly defend its existence but disagree about its exact location. One school of sex researchers maintains that the G spot is the glandular tissue around the urethra (found behind your pubic bone, about two inches inside your vagina). Others believe it’s really farther back, in a triangular area on the back of the bladder wall – called the trigone or T Zone – where three nerves come together. It’s probably some combination of these. But if your partner’s plucking the right strings, so to speak, does it matter which instrument he’s playing?

10. Can anal sex give me hemorrhoids?
Not as long as you’re relaxed and enjoying it, assures Ellen Barnard, MSSW, a sex educator/counselor and co-founder of A Woman’s Touch in Madison, Wisconsin (a-womans-touch.com). Hemorrhoids (painful swollen veins in the anal area) can result from excess pressure around your anus – say, when you’re really straining to go to the bathroom. But when you use a good lubricant and the penetration feels comfortable, not forced, there’s no risk of “backdoor sex” causing hemorrhoids.

In fact, some sex researchers believe tush play may actually prevent hemorrhoids. “It improves the strength and flexibility of the skin and muscles so that the anus is better able to respond to pressure, rather than bulging and producing hemorrhoids,” Barnard says.

11. Why don’t my privates look like a centerfold’s?
Beyond the extensive airbrushing magazine photos undergo, the hard truth is that even if you started with a nice, tight package, child birthing changes everything. Once you push a couple of 8- to 10-pound babies through the birth canal, things down there are gonna look more like Mary Poppins’ carpet bag than a cute little change purse.

Indeed, according Rosenzweig, some women’s vaginas sag so much that they complain of discomfort while walking.

Age is, not surprisingly, another culprit. You don’t expect to look like the pouty-lipped young things in Clearasil ads when you’re 45, right? Well, just as the lips around your mouth can thin with age, so can the lips in your southern hemisphere. “Women lose fat in that area, the elasticity and tone of the tissue decreases and the inner vaginal lips droop,” explains Dr. Dolores Kent, a Beverly Hills ob/gyn and cosmetic surgeon.

But in the same way women can opt for Restalyne or collagen to fill and plump, those who want to recapture the vaginas of their youth can have labiaplasty (trimming up the inner lips) and/or perineoplasty (tightening the vaginal opening). Although some women “have their vaginas done” because vaginal changes cause medical problems or make sex uncomfortable, Kent says that 85% of the women who come to her for such procedures are worried about aesthetics. “They’ve seen the men’s magazines and feel their vulvas aren’t pretty,” she says.

12. If I’m uncomfortable with how I smell down there, can I change it?
Sure, but you’re probably worrying needlessly, says Dr. Mary Jane Minkin, clinical director of obstetrics and gynecology at Yale University School of Medicine in New Haven, Connecticut. “Most of the women who come in saying I smell really bad smell fine,” she says. Still, if you’re concerned, see your gyn because strong odor (and discharge) is a sign of a bacterial infection. If there’s no infection and you’re still worried about your scent, avoiding spicy or pungent foods may help, Rosenzweig says.

Minkin often recommends an over-the-counter product called Rephresh that rebalances the vagina’s pH and makes you more fragrant. Don’t use douches or feminine sprays. Not only are they irritating, they can alter the vagina’s natural flora, which increases your risk of getting an infection and can mask an existing one.

13. Do I have a greater risk for infection if my genitals are pierced?
“It’s probably not a great idea to have foreign objects around your genitalia because areas that are prone to moisture and intimate contact are very attractive to bacteria,” Rosenzweig says. “But if you have great hygiene and a normal immune system, a genital piercing isn’t going to increase your risk for yeast infections or bacterial vaginosis.”

Still, some people always have a little redness or irritation around pierced areas, even when they’re in ho-hum spots like ears, noses or navels. So, if your piercing seems perpetually inflamed, take it out.

14. If I have been diagnosed with HPV once in the past, do I still have it? And am I still at risk for cervical cancer?
If you’ve had sex, you’ve probably bumped into human papilloma virus (HPV) – about 80% of sexually active people have been exposed to at least one of the 30 known strains of HPV. However, in the vast majority of cases – 90% – the infection clears up on its own. Odds are, you won’t even realize you had it. The thing to keep in mind is that while most HPV viruses come and go without notice, about 10 strains can increase your risk of developing cervical cancer.

The best way to protect yourself is with routine Pap tests, which look for changes in the cervix that could eventually become cancer. “We don’t know why some women develop cervical cancer and others don’t,” says Dr. Thomas Herzog, director of the division of gynecologic oncology at Columbia University in New York City. “But there are millions of women with HPV and just over 11,000 cases of cervical cancer in the U.S. each year, so if you’re screened regularly, it’s very unlikely you’ll develop cervical cancer. And if you did it would be caught extremely early and likely completely cured.”

Most women over 30 who’ve had three consecutive normal Paps are now advised to be screened only every two to three years. If you’re under 26, consider getting the new HPV vaccine, Gardasil, which protects against the four main strains of HPV responsible for about 70% of cervical cancers.

Why aren't you growing?

2007-11-28T11:16:00.000+08:00

Here are some of the primary reasons most trainees don’t grow:

Good post I found a while back from Iron Addict.

1. You overtrain and under eat. These are listed as the main primary reason because they go hand in hand and BOTH must be balanced or you can forget growth. The most perfect training regimen will fail miserably if diet is not there to support it. And conversely, the most perfect diet will be wasted if the trainee is doing more workload than they can recover from—most do WAY too much!

2. The training workload is not varied. Doing the exact same lift the same way stops being productive for most trainees within 3-6 weeks. Once the body has adapted to the loading it must be changed if you are to continue to force the body to adapt.

3. Too much focus on isolation exercises, not enough compound work. You can do all the “small” lifts until you are blue in the face, but until you are moving big poundage’s in the big lifts you will remain small. Which brings up point #4.

4. You MUST squat and deadlift if you are going to reach your bodies growth potential. Think it through. Doing squats or deads activates 70-85% of the bodies overall musculature in one move. Doing a set of curls maybe 3-5%. Which sends a big signal that the body better get better at synthesizing protein and better at handling the need to grow as a unit? You will NEVER reach your potential without doing the squats and deads.

5. You constantly fluctuate between lifts that have bad carry-over. Here is an example:

I have seen many times, and one I have done myself. The trainee burns out on benching and decides to do Hammer Strength Benches for a change. He makes the switch and is jazzed. His Hammer press is going up every week and he is stoked. After a time he has added 50 lbs to his Hammer bench and decides to go back and hit the bench, only to find it’s up a whole 10 lbs!!!!!

That doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with Hammer Benches. It just means that the lifts are dissimilar enough that an increase in one may not necessarily help increase the lift on another. Use of stabilizers and inter and intra-muscular coordination are two primary reasons, along with neural recruitment pattern gains that don’t apply well to the other lift.

6. You don’t know when to de-load/cruise , or take time off. NO ONES body takes a constant pounding of hard training without periods of active or full rest recovery. Until you learn how and when to don this your training will never be optimal

7. Your micro-nutrient support SUCKS! I can’t count the number of guys I have seen trying to build great physiques taking a “one a day” vitamin and thinking they have it covered. If you want great things out of your body, you need to put great fuel in it.

8. You train with the intensity of a arthritic old lady. Nuff said.

9. You have no clearly defined goals. Most people just “lift to get bigger”, and while this is a fine goal, not having and strength related goals will kill your progress in the long run. Your primary goal should be getting stronger on the big lifts on a CONSTANT basis. Setting short and long-term strength goals and achieving them is what equals a big strong trainee in the long run.

10. You are inconsistent. Getting excited about your training and killing yourself in the gym only to burn out and few weeks later and miss a bunch of sessions ends up being 1 step forward, 3/4 steps backward for many trainees. Getting and staying consistent and racking up sustainable gains over the long-term is what it’s about.

The Meaning of Dreams

2007-11-27T20:34:00.000+08:00

The Sleep Cycle

What are Dreams?

Remembering Dreams

Interpreting Your Dreams

So is Freud on to something when talking about interpreting your dreams? Maybe, maybe not.

The fact remains that dreams are a part of our night whether or not the meaning of dreams can be tied to what’s going on in our lives. However, we can’t deny that dreams can be powerful and intense and can impact the beginning of a brand new day.

Transplant 101

2007-11-26T19:11:00.000+08:00

Universal Moments gives you a rundown on the history of organ transplants.
The history of modern organ transplants began with the first successful corneal transplant in 1905. Since then, a whole array of organ transplants have been carried out – heart transplants, lung transplants, kidney transplants, and liver transplants are some of the more common ones.
But there have also been hand transplants, uterine transplants, face transplants, and even a penis transplant! Read on to find out more about how history was made…

SEEING IS BELIEVING
In 1905, Austrian laborer Alois Glogar was involved in an industrial accident, blinding him and leaving him unable to work.
He appealed to ophthalmologist Eduard Zirm for help. Zirm had recently worked on the case of an 11-year-old boy, who had metal pieces in his eyes left from an accident. Unable to save the boy’s eyes, Zirm was able to save his corneas – and promptly fitted them into Glogar’s eyes, enabling him to go back to earning a livelihood.

A BREATH OF FRESH AIR
Russian scientist Vladimir Demikhov proved that lung transplants were technically feasible after experimenting with the procedure on animals in the 1940s. Less than two decades later, Dr James Hardy of the University of Mississippi performed the world’s first lung transplant on a patient with an isolated case of lung cancer.
The recipient died nearly three weeks later – though of kidney failure. The next 20 years saw lung transplants fail – always because the recipient’s immune system would attack the new organ.
It was only in 1983 that the first successful lung transplant was performed. The patient would live nearly seven years before dying of renal failure.

KICKING KIDNEY!
In 1950, 44-year-old Ruth Tucker of Chicago became the first recipient of a kidney transplant. What made Tucker’s case so extraordinary was that she did not need to take any immunosuppressive drugs – but she still lived another five years before dying of unrelated causes.
In fact, the prospects for recipients of a new kidney are pretty good. Australian Charles Perkins lived for 28 years after receiving his new kidney.
Note: Immunosuppressive drugs are taken by the recipient to suppress his or her immune system to a certain extent, so that it does not reject the new organ in his or her body.

A MATTER OF THE HEART
The first heart transplant, scarily enough, involved Dr James Hardy (the same man who performed the world’s first lung transplant) replacing the heart of a dying patient with that of a chimpanzee’s. The heart even continued to beat for 90 minutes!
In 1967 Dr Christiaan Barnard transplanted the heart of 24-year-old car accident victim Denise Darvall into 54-year-old Louis Washkansky. The operation caused a lot of controversy in apartheid-era South Africa, due to the fact that Darvall was white and Washkansky was Jewish.
However, Washkansky died less than three weeks later, though of pneumonia, and not transplant rejection.

LIVER FIXES
Like earlier research into lung transplants, procedures relating to liver transplants were tested on dogs by Dr Thomas Starzl in the 1950s. In 1963, whilst attached to the University of Colorado, Starzl would attempt the world’s first liver transplant – but the patient, a three-year-old boy died within a few days of the operation.
Four other attempts would yield similar results. Trials were halted whilst Starzl began investigating how to improve transplant procedures and provide adequate aftercare for the patients. This would eventually pay off: in 1967, after gaining much knowledge about immunosuppression, Starzl performed the world’s first successful liver transplant. The patient would go on to live for another 400 days before succumbing to an unrelated illness.

HELPING HAND
New Zealander Clint Hallam became the world’s first successful hand transplant case in 1998. An earlier hand transplant had been attempted in 1964 in Ecuador, but immunosuppression prevented the transplant from being viewed as a success.
Hallam had lost his hand in an industrial accident whilst serving time in prison in 1984. Despite the fact that Hallam could write with his hand some two years later, Hallam was reportedly uncomfortable with his new hand, and so stopped taking immunosuppressants. His hand was later amputated in 2001.

A NEW UTERUS?
There are few cases of uterine transplants, mostly because of on-going ethical and religious debates. Much study has been done on the feasibility of such a procedures, including again using animals for experimentation (the uterus was later found to be able to carry a foetus during pregnancy).
A uterine transplant was recently attempted in 2000 in Saudi Arabia, on a patient whose uterus had undergone hemorrhaging after childbirth. After 99 days, however, the uterus had to be removed due to a blood clot.

DIFFERENT FACES
Frenchwoman Isabelle Dinoire became the first person in the world to undergo a partial face transplant via a new mouth and nose in 2005. Dinoire’s face had been mauled by her Labrador a few months earlier, completely removing her mouth and nose.
Her donor, Maryline St Aubert, had committed suicide by hanging; the doctor who operated on Dinoire later said he would never have carried out the procedure had he known, for fear that the donor’s face’s blood vessels being damaged.
Today, Dinoire appears for the most part happy with her new face, telling reporters than she can now smile again, and has used her new lips to continue smoking. Her doctors, however, have raised concerns that apart from generally being bad for her health, it may interfere with the healing process.

BACK IN THE GAME
A penis transplant? Believe it.
In one of the most recent developments in organ transplants, it has become possible to have a penis transplant, not so much to save a life, but to enhance the quality of life.
In China in 2005, a 44-year-old male who had previously sustained partial penis loss, became the world’s first recipient of a penis transplant. The donor was a 23-year-old brain-dead male.
Later, however, the patient opted to have the spare part removed; he apparently suffered psychological trauma after receiving his new organ.

Friend or foe?

2007-11-25T07:45:00.000+08:00

Friendships are forever, but that statement is severely tested whenever you come across a BFF (Beloved Foe Friend). We’ve all had our fair share of the braggers, the encyclopaedia, the freeloaders, and the squeaky-clean “perfectionists” (for a more comprehensive list, read on).
But how can we keep our sanity and our friendship in check? Is there ever any justification for tossing a BFF?

1. THE BRAGGER

Traits: No matter what personal achievement you’ve done, your BFF The Bragger will always have something to top it. Climbed Mount Everest recently? Your BFF The Bragger just returned from swimming down south with the penguins. If you’ve just managed to score a date with that hottie you’ve been eyeing, expect again to be trumped by The Bragger – who’ll cooly inform you that so what, they’ve got Orlando on their speed dial.
Spotting them: Spotting The Bragger is fairly easy – as soon as you’ve shared a tale of magnificent feat, The Bragger will interject: “Oh yeah, well you should’ve seen me when I…”
True life horror: “My friend John was a quintessential Bragger,” says Ahmad, 21. “I always tolerated it because I thought it was harmless, but there was one incident which almost ruined our friendship.
“There was a study trip to Sarawak which you had to apply to go for, as there were limited seats. John knew how much I wanted to go, and when I asked him to follow me along to talk to the lecturer in charge, he agreed.
“At first, the lecturer was really impressed with me, especially after I talked about how I’d helped some research students do some research on the White Rajahs. Then as usual, John interjected, saying that was nothing, his father knew the family, he’d interviewed them previously for his work, blah blah blah.
“No prizes for guessing who was eventually offered the last place on the trip.”
Our advice: This irritating habit can be put to a stop by some gentle mocking. For instance, “Really? How did you meet up with the penguins? Were they friendly? Get any tips for braving the minus forty degrees water from them?” Sarcasm is the key.
But if your BFF The Bragger ever comes between you and something else, it might be time to consider re-examining the friendship. For instance, Ahmad had told John he wanted to go for the study trip, but John still went ahead to pipe him to the post. Friendship should entail respect, and that should be come from both sides.

2. THE GRAPEVINE

Traits: The Grapevine knows anything and everything about every person within sight, and won’t hesitate to share their knowledge with you – especially if it’s something you really don’t want to know. For instance: “Oh, you know Jenny? We have the same doctor. He told me she had this really nasty boil on her butt which he had to lance for her.”
Spotting them: Try this simple test to determine whether or not your BFF is a Grapevine: casually say “Hello” to a passerby, and sit back and wait for your BFF’s response. If your BFF launches into the details of how the passerby is actually bald and in fact wearing a wig, together with how he/she has a crush on your anatomy professor (The Grapevine knows this as a fact since they heard from their mother’s friend’s sister-in-law, who happens to be the passerby’s aunt), then it’s confirmed: your BFF is a Grapevine.
True life horror: “I always thought Tessa’s gossiping was pretty harmless,” says Jessica, 17. “But one day, I realised just how two-faced gossiping could be.
“There was this girl in our class, called Sherry, that nobody really talked to that much, except for Tessa. Sherry was hardly in class, but nobody thought anything was amiss.
“One day, Sherry passed by us in the cafeteria wearing a bandana. We said hello to her, and right after she passed us, Tessa announced to the whole table that the reason why Sherry was wearing a bandana was because she suffered from a balding condition, and her hair had fallen out.
“Sherry was a big joke afterwards to everyone else, but I felt disgusted. I thought, if Tessa could betray Sherry’s trust like that, what’s to say she won’t do the same to me?”
Our advice: The Grapevine will someday understand that gossiping is a harmful habit – however, that’s not a lesson for you to teach, and definitely not a risk you should undertake. Keep mum for the time being. If The Grapevine tells you any gossip, say you’re going to clarify it with the person concerned. Or if they try to make you promise not to say anything, say: “Then don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.”

3. THE ENCYCLOPAEDIA

Traits: Did you know that South Africa has THREE capital cities? Did you know that the capital of the state of New York is not New York City, but actually Albany? Did you know that the most common name in Israel is Muhammad? We’re sure all of these little facts have little impact on your life – but your BFF The Encyclopaedia will have the low down on all of them (and many more), and can convince you why and how these facts are relevant to you.
Spotting them: This one’s too simple: their favorite words are, “Did you know…?”
True life horror: “I used to go out with this guy who was full of trivial facts,” says Suzanna, 20. “At first, I thought it was adorable, and that he was just trying to be charming. But it got really annoying!
“All my friends and family thought he was being a snob by showing off all the facts he knew. And they were all irrelevant facts, too, so he just came off as irritating! Even my Dad said to me after meeting him: ‘Wah, sayang, you really got yourself a smarty pants, huh?
“The clincher came when I came home all stressed out from work one day, and said I just wanted to relax. His first response? ‘Did you know that one in four people have secret fantasies about killing their boss?’ I went crazy!”
Our advice: You know you didn’t need to know that, so how about telling them straight? You could also try some obvious sarcasm. For instance: “Hey, do you happen to know how to spell, ‘I DON’T CARE’?”

4. THE PARASITE

Traits: Everywhere you go, expect your BFF The Parasite to be right there. If you’re not with them, expect phone calls asking, “Where are you?” You know things have gotten bad when people start labeling you a “couple”, or joke about a “two for one” deal.
Spotting them: Not sure if your BFF is a Parasite? Look over your shoulder – can you see them? Have you received a text or phone call from them within the last hour? When was the last time you went 24 hours without hearing from them? If you can answer either of the first two questions with a “yes”, and having difficulty answering the third, then it’s confirmed – your BFF is a Parasite.
True life horror: “I met Samuel after a friend brought him along for jamming,” recalls Fikri, 19. “At first, he seemed like a cool guy – we had a lot in common when it came to musical tastes.
“But it quickly got pretty scary – he would call me up every day, asking to hang out. A month later, he announced he was switching colleges – and coming to study at mine! When a housemate moved out, Samuel immediately took his place. He was always around me. Friends would even jokingly tell the girls: ‘If you go out with Fikri, you’ll get Samuel, too. It’s a two in one deal!’
“But I knew things had gone too far when, after leaving to run errands one morning, Samuel called me up. He asked where I was, and when I said I was out, he replied: ‘Why didn’t you tell me last night? Do you realise this means that I’ll be all alone today? I’ll have nothing to do!’
“I didn’t know how to handle him after that. I moved out, and avoided him around college. I even changed my number. Yes, I went to great lengths to avoid this ‘Parasite.’”
Our advice: Again, we have to stress that respect is a key part of friendship – and any friend of yours should be respecting the fact that there will be times when you will need your space. Be assertive, and make this clear early in the relationship. If that person really is a friend, they should respect your decision. Otherwise, it’s time to re-think the friendship.

5. THE FREELOADER

Traits: You’ve just bought yourself a grand lunch when all of sudden, your BFF The Freeloader interrupts your thoughts with a request for a bite. That bite rapidly turns into half your lunch. The Freeloader is also a frequent visitor to your place – and will leave the air-con on in all rooms, and empty your fridge, whilst he’s there.
Spotting them: Do a simple check of your accounts. How much of your money has gone to supporting your BFF? Have you always gotten value for the things you spend on? If not, did your BFF play a role in any way? If the answer is yes to any of these questions, then watch your purse – your BFF is The Freeloader.
True life horror: “My friend Emmanuel had just split from his girlfriend,” recalls Raj, 25. “He’d been kicked out of their place, so when he asked if I could put him up for a while, I gladly agreed.
“I’d previously had a lot of unpaid debts owed to me by Emmanuel, but I figured that he’d do the same for me. Still, I didn’t think he’d take advantage of me the way he did.”
“A while” soon turned into six months. “He stayed with me for six months without paying rent! The air con bill went up to RM200 one month! He’d always eat the food in the fridge without bothering to replace it!
“Every time I tried to approach him about it, he’d accuse me of being ‘uncool’, and remind me that he’d just split up with his girlfriend of two years. But that didn’t explain why he didn’t at least contribute – I mean, he was working already!”
Finally, Raj told Emmanuel to get out or pay. “I told him I couldn’t afford to foot the bill for him anymore. He was pretty gutted, and moved out. He doesn’t talk to me anymore, which is a shame. I enjoyed his company, but it was clear he didn’t respect me.”
Our advice: You could always opt for giving them a taste of their own medicine. But be aware that retaliating in kind can demote you to juvenile. Plus, it definitely wouldn’t work if your BFF is a total cheap skate (they never buy their own food or even have their own place to begin with). To show that you’re serious about sharing items, keep a written record of transactions between you and your BFF. Your BFF The Freeloader may label you “uncool” like Emmanuel did Raj – but be assertive so that your BFF will be on his/her toes when it comes to freeloading off you.

6. THE SQUEAKY-CLEAN “PERFECTIONISTS”

Traits: We put “perfectionists” in speech marks because whether or not they’re actually perfectionists is irrelevant. The fact is that The Squeak-Clean “Perfectionist” will act like a perfectionist. So expect criticism of every ounce of work and effort you put into anything – your BFF The Squeaky-Clean “Perfectionist” is always sure you could’ve done better, and won’t hesitate to tell you so.
Spotting them: Bring your BFF over to your newly-cleaned place, and announce as he/she comes in that you’ve just done some spring cleaning. Watch as your friend frowns, puts their hands on their hips, and says, “You call this clean?” Another hint that your BFF is a Squeaky-Clean “Perfectionist” is their eyebrow being permanently arched.
True life horror: “My housemate is a ‘perfectionist’ that picks on me all the time,” says Loshini, 22. “Whenever there’s something that goes wrong, or not according to the way she wants, she always lays the blame on me. Usually, I just shrug it off with a laugh, but there was one time when she left me hopping mad.
“I had my cousin over, and we were sitting in my room talking when all of a sudden my housemate came in and started scolding me for mixing up the forks and spoons in the cutlery drawer. When I said it hadn’t been me, and suggested that it might in fact be her boyfriend who had stayed over the night before, all hell broke loose.
“She started screaming, and started listing out examples of what an inconsiderate housemate I was. I was very embarrassed because she was doing it in front of my cousin. Later on, my parents called me up; my cousin had told them about all the nasty things my roommate had said! To add salt to the wound, it later emerged that it had been her boyfriend who mixed up the cutlery.”
Our advice: Loshini’s situation was particularly difficult, since she was living with the “Perfectionist.” If you’re about to experience a complete clash of personalities with your BFF, remember to be assertive, and not act completely powerless or domineering. Give your BFF a chance to air their “grievances”, but remember you have the right to air yours. If they say, “But I only want to help you,” point out that you’d prefer more constructive remarks in the future in that case, and that their choice of delivery often clouds whatever point it is they’re trying to make.

7. THE FAIRWEATHER PAL

Traits: With these guys, friendship is forever so long as we’re talking about the good times. The moment your forecast seems less than sunny, they’re gone. On the other hand, the moment things aren’t looking so good for them, it’s all about them. Bottom line: they don’t want to hear your problems. You’re there for the good times and for the comfort you’ll be expected to provide in their bad times.
Spotting them: Notice how you can talk to your BFF for ages about the wackiest and funniest of topics? Now try giving your BFF a ring with some tragic news. Was their reply, “Oh, sorry – but I gotta go”? Does this happen whenever you bring up a negative topic? By the way, the last time they had a rough patch – how much did the two of you talk about it?
True life horror: “Right after I graduated, I went to Bali with my friend Priyanka,” says Nisha, 24. “Priyanka and I had always had so much fun together before. There had been rough times for me, but Priyanka’s policy had always been not to dwell on them – which I thought at the time was very smart. Despite the fact that Priyanka would sob for weeks whenever something went wrong in her life, I never saw anything unbalanced about the situation. Until Bali.”
A couple of hours after landing in Bali, Nisha twisted her ankle after tripping over a step. “My ankle blew up nastily. I couldn’t get around with help. I was disappointed because I’d saved up so much, and I’m sure Priyanka was too, but I didn’t expect her to do what she did.
“She totally ditched me! I asked her to take me to the doctor, and she said sure – the next day, after she’d gone clubbing! Two days later, she still hadn’t found the time to help me get to the doctor, so I had to get someone from the hotel to help me.
“We didn’t do anything together the entire holiday, until she lost her wallet one day. Then she was all tears, and got very upset when I said I wanted to hit the night scene now that I was better. I had no choice but to stay back and listen to her wail.”
Our advice: If you’re looking for a BFF you can casually hang out with, then this kind is OK – but don’t expect them to be there for you if you have any problems. Likewise, if they’ve got any issues, you’ve got to be firm with them in telling them that you can’t help them. Refer them to an authority that can help.

8. THE FIREBRAND

Traits: The Firebrand will at first strike you as cool and glamorous, but beware: the stunts they pull when they “hang out” are either very dangerous or very likely to land you in jail or both.
Spotting them: The Firebrand will often enthusiastically recruit, so if you get a bevy of text messages from your BFF inviting you to follow them for a certain event, they could well be The Firebrand. The Firebrand is also likely to live life with a lot of risks – for example, owning and driving a car despite the fact that her or she may not have a driver’s license.”
True life horror: “I met Peter at a friend’s party,” says Bryan, 21. “We got along really well, so swapped numbers at the end of the night with plans to hang out later.
“A few days later, I got a text from Peter inviting me to follow him and his friends out for a drink. I declined, as I was busy that night. Every few days, Peter would send me a text inviting me out, and every time, I’d have to regretfully decline, because I had other commitments.
“Finally, I was able to tell him yes! Peter picked me up with his car, and we went out for drinks.
“But Peter got outrageously drunk. I was worried, because I knew I had to get home. I wanted to call a cab, but Peter insisted he would drive. I didn’t have a driver’s license, and I wanted to keep things ‘cool’ between us, so I agreed.
“That ride was the scariest of my life. I remember praying to God for my safety. Peter would lift his foot off the pedal at odd intervals, making us sort of jug along the road.
“Later, he called me to hang out again, but remembering how scared I was, I said no. Which is just as well, because I heard a few months later, he’d been stopped by the police for drink driving.”
Our advice: Is your friendship worth undertaking some of the associated risks? Do a risk evaluation. Ask yourself if you’re ready to face the worst case scenario. If not, then we suggest taking a break from this friendship, and learning to say ‘No’ before you’re dragged down with your BFF.

9. THE PLASTICS

Traits: These BFFs are all about keeping up with the Joneses, and know all about the latest trends. They’ve got the 411 on all the hottest brands and designer labels. In short, your BFF is the chameleon Madonna’s always said to be. They’re not necessarily harmful, though – but they can dent the self-esteem of the less than secure.
Spotting them: Check for the following items: hot designer suit/dress, branded shoes, fancy technological gadget, touch-ups (either make-up or hair gel), and a big rock (a finger ring or earring for the meterosexual male, and any form of jewelry for his female counterpart). All items check? Your BFF is a Plastic. Furry animal accessory as well? Then that’s a bonus.
True life horror: “I have a friend named Alison who used to make me feel very insecure,” relates Wai Leng, 19. “She’s pretty obsessed with keeping up with the latest fashions, and out of desperation, I let a bit of it rub off onto me once.”
But as Wai Leng discovered, her RM300 monthly allowance was hardly enough to pay for a decent dress at the shops Alison shopped at. “I spent my whole allowance on one discounted dress, and starved for the rest of the month,” Wai Leng confesses.
“When I told my mother, she told me I was stupid for letting my insecurity get to me. Later, I had to tell Alison I couldn’t follow her shopping anymore, and when I she asked why and I told her, she was shocked. She said: ‘But do you realise you’ve got so many things going for you? Why should you be insecure?’”
Our advice: First off, let’s re-emphasise that Plastics are generally harmless. But you can’t afford to let them play on your insecurities. Being confident of yourself is one thing, but if they really are starting to annoy you with their attitude, then you’ve got to ask yourself what type of values you want your friends to have.

10. THE BULLY

Traits: It’s not hard for your BFF The Bully to put you down, and they know it. One glance or one icily-strung sentence, and inside, you’re bawling like a baby.
Spotting them: It’s impossible for you to feel like an equal with your BFF whenever you’re in their company – you somehow always end up feeling like the smaller person. It could be due to their scathing commentaries or sarcastic remarks – either way, you learnt a long time ago that there’s no point in answering back to them.
True life horror: “I absolutely hated high school,” admits Jason, 22, “because my ‘friend’, who was a total jock, would make fun of me all the time. He said he was just kidding around, but it humiliated me every time.
“For instance, once he joked in front of the whole class that my pimples should have their own zip codes. Whenever I’d quietly ask him to stop, he’d laughingly tell the whole class. I never dared stand up to him any further. It seemed pointless to do so.”
Our advice: If you’ve already tried talking to your BFF, and the behaviour still persists, then there is no friendship worth fighting for. Get out there, develop some new hobbies, make some new friends – don’t fall into the trap of thinking you deserve such a BFF.

Life through a lens

2007-11-23T19:04:00.000+08:00

“I love the wrinkled texture on the rose and how the colour seems to be preserved even after it has dried up. I used a kit lens for this shot, and it was quite hard for me to get the proper focus for a close-up, as opposed to using a macro lens.”

Trying to capture the rainbow in my hands…

“Malaysia has some pretty fantastic sunsets, and on any given island, you're bound to be able to catch one of these if you're patient enough to wait for it. That's exactly what I did, and was only fortunate enough that these three holiday go-ers were still waddling about the beach collecting shells.”

London calling

2007-11-22T08:36:00.000+08:00

The Greenich Meridian, line of longitude.
The Victoria Memorial in front of the Buckingham Palace.
The 83rd annual Combined Cavalry Old Comrades Association Parade
A mounted sentry at the Horse Guards building.
River Thames
London Eye from a low angle.
One of the spectacular monuments in the British Museum.

Sex After Surgery

2007-11-20T10:22:00.000+08:00

Sex after surgery is possible
Testicular cancer can strike men of any age, but is most frequently diagnosed in those younger than 30. Thankfully, the disease has an incredibly high survival rate, and at least 90% of those diagnosed with testicular cancer reach full remission. Unfortunately, some men are forced to undergo an orchiectomy (the surgical removal of one or both testes) in order to achieve it.

While all forms of cancer are traumatic for both the patient and family members, testicular cancer is a particularly devastating blow to the livelihood of any male, as it can lead him to question his manhood. It may be especially discouraging for men who have yet to start a family. The good news is he needn’t worry. A man’s virility is unlikely to be affected by the procedure. Sex after surgery can be just as good as it was before -- read on to discover why.

Will it affect my sex drive?

The removal of both testicles does tend to reduce sex drive, but believe it or not, removing one testicle often has little or no effect. Some men have even reported having sex the day after surgery. That being said, a loss of interest in sex is certainly possible in either case, especially when the psychological impact of undergoing an orchiectomy is taken into consideration.

Anxiety and depression can result in a low sex drive under the best of circumstances, and they can certainly take their toll following an ordeal of this nature as well. If you do find yourself experiencing a decreased libido, it will often correct itself over time. If you feel your recovery is not happening quickly enough, the issue is usually reversible with the use of hormonal therapy
-- even if both testes have been removed. All men are different, however, so it’s crucial you keep your physician informed about the state of your libido; he can’t help you have sex after surgery if he doesn’t know you’re temporarily benched.

Will it affect my performance ability?

Obviously, you should abstain from sex until your body has had a chance to heal. If you don’t, you’re risking a hernia and other unpleasant complications. Once healed, your sexual performance should be identical to what it was prior to surgery, as it’s highly unlikely that you would develop issues with impotence. Neither you nor your partner should have any difficulty picking up where you left off -- you’ll still be able to turn her on and you’ll still be able to fully satisfy her. In fact, whether achieved naturally or with the aid of hormone replacement, erections will be just as easily maintained and orgasms will feel just as good as they did before, for both you and your partner.

A few more questions about sex after surgery...

Will it affect my functionality?

While a bilateral orchiectomy does, unfortunately, result in sterility, the removal of only one testicle does not. Most men produce a perfectly normal sperm count afterward and have no difficulty in fathering children. And, thanks to hormonal therapy, neither type of surgery should prevent a man from becoming aroused, achieving erection or experiencing an orgasm. If, however, you’ve also had the retroperitoneal lymph nodes removed, there is a slight chance you may have difficulty ejaculating, but this should not impede your sex life, as you will likely still experience a “dry” orgasm. Additionally, if you’ve undergone radiation or chemotherapy, it’s possible you’ll experience a diminished production of sperm, but this issue often resolves itself over time.

Will surgery affect my appearance?

Understandably, very few men could undergo surgery of this nature and not worry about their appearance afterward. It’s a devastating thing to lose part of yourself to cancer. You may worry that women will find you less attractive, or even be turned off. Nothing could be farther from the truth; no woman on Earth is going to think less of you and it will not put her off sex -- oral or otherwise. After all, most women have considered the possibility of breast cancer and mastectomy for themselves. Rest assured, she will fully empathize with your situation. If, however, your post-op appearance impacts you on a profound level, you do have the option of testicular implants. These are, however, purely cosmetic and will not alter your sexual performance beyond the psychological.

sexual healing

Sex after surgery can be just as hot as it was beforehand, but it’s important that you give yourself time to heal, both physically and emotionally. It can also be helpful to speak to other men who’ve been in your shoes, and you can also find support through your physician or through organizations, such as the Lance Armstrong Foundation. Your sex life need not be adversely affected by testicular cancer; countless men have proven this already. Keep an open line of communication with your doctor and there’s no reason sex after surgery should be anything short of fantastic.

7 Women You Can Never Date

2007-11-19T15:44:00.000+08:00

Types of women you can never date

Certain ladies shouldn't be touched with a 10-foot pole, no matter how hot they are. Instead of giving in to temptation, distract yourself from the desire. Take a class, help kids or take in a ballgame, but whatever you do, stay away from these women you can never date. Generally, the reason to avoid these ladies has nothing to do with the woman herself, but it has everything to do with her context in your life.

Read on for a complete list of women you can never date, and save your reputation, your bank account, your job, and your friendships.

1- Your best friend's sister

The woman you know the best will often appeal to you the most. But if she is your best friend's sister, getting lucky can mean two months of fun followed by the need to move to another part of the city. She makes the “women you can never date” list because as soon as sis becomes sweetheart, you'll be walking on eggshells with your buddy. Gone are the days of complaining to your friend about your women troubles because the conflict of interest ruins the good times, and the first time you make a mess of things, he will likely want to beat your ass.

2- Your secretary

There are plenty of reasons to keep your mitts off the help. It can get you into all kinds of trouble -- legal and otherwise -- should the relationship go south. But even if the fling goes well, you have problems. You'll soon be tempted to push the limits of what you can get away with at work, perhaps in the janitor's closet. Love at the office is an enormous distraction from your work, especially if you are in charge of her. Others are always watching what you are doing. Worst of all, once the relationship ends, she will enjoy leverage over you, and may use it simply by gossiping about what happened in the aforementioned closet.

3- The ex-girlfriend

You’ve heard it before: Ex-girlfriends are women you can never date. Yet, the ex-girlfriend becomes increasingly seductive as loneliness sets in. After several years of eating the only three meals you know how to prepare, you can easily get blown away when she follows up chicken parmesan one night with chicken marsala the next. She might clean your apartment one day while you were getting loaded at happy hour, and you'll want her there permanently. The loneliness will make you forget the reason the two of you broke up in the first place, but should you jump back into the relationship, those reasons will resurface in no time.

4- The hot trailer girl

Have you seen Maury Povich? Let that show be a warning to you if you are smitten by the hooker with a heart of gold. It's fool's gold. The scenario goes something like this: You were in the club enjoying the company of a young woman whose breasts were rubbing against you like two sea lions on a beach, and then you got confused. Enjoy the one-nighter, but the next time you see her at bar time, you would be wise to end up at Denny's eating a Grand Slam breakfast.

Yes, there are more women you can never date…

5- Your friend's ex

When you witness the breakup of your buddy and his hot girlfriend, your mind will invariably wander to a place better left untouched. Since you’ve spent lots of time around her, you already have an established relationship -- albeit a non-sexual one. Chances are you already imagined what it would be like while she was still dating your pal, and her new freedom may pique your interest, but be forewarned: She is a woman you can never date. If you value your friendship, avoid her at all costs. What men forget to consider is the aftermath of hooking up with a friend’s ex. The word will spread to everyone else in your circle about what type of friend you are, and you’ll kill your own reputation. It doesn’t matter how long ago they broke up, whether they’re friends now or not, if your buddy’s replaced her with a new girlfriend, the answer is always no. Unless, of course, you enjoy getting your ass kicked.

6- The high-maintenance piranha

If you value your money and your manhood, the high-maintenance chick is one of the many types of women you can never date. She will love you for your increased earnings at first, but then will consider you to be a soulless workaholic incapable of intimacy. Once you've built up a nest egg, her divorced friends will start directing her on how to devour that nest egg whole, just like a snake. She will give you the screw of a lifetime, but not the kind you’re seeking.

7- The stripper

Of the women you can never date, the stripper is worse than the hot trailer girl. No, she is not stripping to pay for school. Yes, she might be a hard-luck case, but sooner or later you will be acting like a body guard, thinking you can protect her honor from a rowdy bachelor party. If you think jealousy is beneath you, wait until you observe a private dance from afar when the john offers an extra C-note for a happy ending.

bad news babes

The longer you've been single, the more prone you are to date off-limit women. Remember: Do not follow your instinct and dive directly into the hive. Take care of the temptation in one of two ways: through manual relief or through reverting to an old fling who now reminds you of a broken-in catcher's mitt.

7 Ways To Find Hidden Cash

2007-11-18T13:33:00.000+08:00

Whether you're rolling in dough or trying to make ends meet, maximizing your assets is always a good idea. Obviously, you could increase the cash in your pocket by making more and spending less. But if you're like most guys, chances are pretty good that you're sitting on some cash that you don't know about.

Here are some ways to help you find your hidden cash.

1- Unclaimed tax refunds

The funds from your income tax refund; it's your money, but surprisingly, the IRS ends up with tens of millions of dollars every year that go unclaimed. Typically, guys miss their refunds because they move without leaving a forwarding address. Marriage and death can also lead to discrepancies on your return that delay your tax refund.

The good news is that the IRS does make an effort to find you and give you your money. But, as is to be expected, they can't be as efficient or as effective as we would like, so the thing to do is file form 8822, which will update your contact information at the IRS.

2- Unclaimed property

You'd think that it would be easy to keep track of your property, but for a lot of guys, small amounts can go missing all the time -- and small amounts can add up. Perhaps your final payroll check at that summer job never got to you; maybe you forgot about that checking or savings account you opened when you were a kid; maybe you lost track of those stock shares when you started making real money and using a financial advisor; or maybe a distant relative died and you never found out about it. In all of those cases, the party responsible for getting you the money probably gave up looking long ago. But the law says that they have to turn it over to the state, which holds it for you in the meantime.

Unfortunately, nobody is looking for you to tell you that you have cash in the bank. So, you'll need to look for yourself. But you don't have to pay to search. Go to MissingMoney.com and start looking. It's free.

3- Union benefits

If you worked a union job (even if you aren't working there now), you may still have some benefits coming to you. Typically, you vest after five years of work, although that's not a hard and fast rule, and each union is different. Check with the union to see if you qualify. Those benefits can range from pensions to health and life insurance.

The college mistake that ends up costing us money...

4- Utility deposits

Most young guys make a mistake when they move (and they compound the mistake by moving several times during their college and post-college years): They skip town without settling their financial affairs. Many guys close their utility and phone accounts without leaving a forwarding address. If they paid a deposit, the money could still be there. Likewise, their final payment may have included a slight overpayment because some utilities estimate charges until they can read the meter. In the aggregate, these funds can add up, so it pays to go looking for them.

5- Expired savings bonds

Savings bonds are safe, federally insured investments. If you're looking to protect your money and grow it conservatively, you can't go wrong with bonds. For that reason, many guys received bonds as presents when they were younger. The good news is that these bonds will make a little money down the road; the bad news is that they'll most likely be forgetten about when the bond holder starts earning more money. Once a bond matures, it stops earning interest. Cash it in.

6- Life insurance policies

According to industry experts, nearly a quarter of all life insurance policies go unclaimed. It's a staggering figure, until you consider the fact that few guys tell anyone that they have a life insurance policy. Obviously, the thing to do is to tell people that you have a policy and note it in your will. If you're dealing with a family member's estate, you can make your search easier by checking their bank statements for payments to an insurance company.

7- Frequent flyer miles

Although freaquent flyer miles aren't cash, they can be just as good. Most airlines allow you to transfer miles to family members when you die. So, if you're settling a loved one's estate, it pays to check with the major airlines.

hidden money

It's tempting to think of this cash as "found" money, but it's not like $20 you found on the street -- it's your cash. While you can pay someone to help you locate the money, you don't have to. And since the money invariably makes its way to the government, searches are free as a matter of public record, so paying for information is just a good way to lose more cash.

Rely on sites that allow you to search for free and remember that when you find something, you can always contact the state directly to get your cash without the aid of an expensive middleman.

Resources:
www.bankrate.com
www.intelligentbanking.com
www.money.cnn.com - Sources of Lost Money
www.money.cnn.com - Directory of Property Offices by State

Top 10: Timeless Dating Rules

2007-11-17T18:45:00.000+08:00

Like ice-cold beers and blondes in hot pants, certain things are always right. This goes for rules too -- think: “never eat yellow snow” or “never bluff a guy named Tex.” These classic rules are set up to make life run smoothly.

Thankfully, timeless rules exist in the dating world too; many do's and don’ts apply to almost every relaionship you'll start. Stick to these timeless dating rules in the beginning stages of any relationship and you won't go wrong. And even once you've settled down, it's worth going back and reminding yourself of these timeless dating rules.

Number 10

Thou shalt not share excessive details about your past

You have a past; she has a past. Bringing up all the fine details of your old dating triumphs and troubles is unnecessary. It'll only lead to jealousy and pointless competition. Don't give her graphic details of your best one-nighter, and don't badmouth the ex. Treat your dating history like a CV -- a few key details to display your credentials (and show you're not a psycho) with no over-elaboration.

Number 9

Thou shalt not place her on a pedestal

Poets may have written verse after verse about worshipping a woman like a goddess, but doing so in reality always ends in disaster. It might seem romantic to revere your girl like Aphrodite, but it comes across as desperate and overbearing. What she wants is for you to know all of her, including her faults. Of course there's always room for occasional romance and compliments, but make sure to treat her like the real person she is the rest of the time.

Number 8

Thou shalt not seem too enthusiastic

No one likes a stalker. You may be falling hard for her, but give her room to breathe: no bombarding her with phone calls, no “surprise” visits and no requests for dates every day of the week. Like the old showbiz cliché says: Always leave them wanting more. Try to follow the 3-for-1 Rule: Don't initiate contact more than three times in a row; let her come to you once in a while.

Number 7

Thou shalt not lead her on

Adopting a laissez-faire approach to a relationship is a bad idea. There's little point in pursuing something that just isn't working. Know when it's time to stand up and walk away. You don't have to literally stand up and walk out of the restaurant at your moment of realization, but don't chase dates merely for the sake of dating. Generally, if you aren't sure things are working out, they’re probably not.

Number 6

Thou shalt compliment her

Take the time to make her feel good about herself. In today's dating world, with all the rules, systems and mind games, the old-fashioned compliment is often overlooked. If she looks beautiful, tell her. If she's the funniest girl you've ever dated, let her know. Liked that new little trick she pulled in bed? Definitely say something...

Number 5

Thou shalt not discuss other women

Never dangle other women in front of her. It might still be the early stages of your relationship and things aren't serious just yet, but before you establish an exclusivity rule with her, the other women you’re dating should always remain separate. Being respectful entails letting her know if you're dating others, but not going into the gory details. Don't mention that cute girl you met yesterday, and don't check out other women in front of her. Also, in the long-term, don't use other women to stir up jealousy; mentioning your new 19-year-old secretary isn't going to inject passion into a declining relationship.

Number 4

Thou shalt not let thyself go

After spending some time with a girl, you'll start to feel comfortable around her... sometimes too comfortable. You won't feel the urge to impress her and let things slide. You should relax around her, but this can go too far. Forgetting about hygiene, indulging her in bathroom humor, wearing ratty, stained shirts, and adding on a few extra pounds should be avoided. She knows you're a real person and, believe me, she knows you have faults, but she doesn't need to be reminded how much of a slob you really can be. Don't act like she's your frat buddy.

Number 3

Thou shalt not rush things

Don't be the kind of boy who won't kiss on the first date, but don't rush things either. Relationships are organic and develop at their own pace. Working on a timetable, like planning on moving in together after two years, getting engaged after three, and getting married after four just won't turn out well. Wait until things feel right, rather than doing it all when it’s expected. And under no circumstances should you tell her you love her in the first month.

Number 2

Thou shalt not frequent thy exes

Forget the myth that after breaking up, you and an ex can remain best friends and help each other through the struggles of the next relationship. Your focus should be on the girl you're with in the here and now. By all means, be amiable with your exes: exchange catch-up e-mails every few months and say hello when you bump into them. But they should never linger around your new relationship like the smell of a decaying corpse.

Number 1
Thou shalt not lose faith

In the dating game, these facts are certain: Not every pickup attempt will land a date, not every date will be perfect, and every relationship, except The One, will end in tears. Taking these guarantees on the chin is perhaps the cardinal rule of dating. Don't dwell on the bad times -- learn from them, and get yourself ready to approach the next girl.

the 10 commandments

There it is: a list of timeless dating rules. These rules apply to all men, of all ages, who find themselves in all the women-filled cities and towns in the country. Remember to go out, date and have fun... but never forget these timeless 10 commandments.

5 Sex Mistakes Women Make

2007-11-16T18:57:00.000+08:00

What You Don’t Know Could Hurt You

There’s no such thing as too much of a good thing, especially when it comes to sex. Conversely, sex can also cause more arguments, complaints and grudges than almost any other issue. Fortunately, bestselling author and sexpert Tracey Cox is on hand to make your sex life as good as it can be. Here she shares simple fixes for the most common mistakes women make in the bedroom.…

Got a bad case of the bedroom blues? If your sex life leaves a lot to be desired, Cox has a remedy. In More Hot Sex (Bantam, 2007), the latest of 11 sex books she’s authored, Cox separates fact from fiction and shares expert tips on everything from pleasing a new partner to finding the best sex toys on the market.

Cox focuses on providing practical, results-oriented tips. In fact, all of her recommendations have been “road tested” by actual couples.

“I want people to get a good practical knowledge about how to make their sex life better,” Cox tells LifeScript. “I learn something new every time I write a book, and I learned more writing this book than any of the rest.”

For starters, she wants to clear the air about two popular myths – one for him and one for her.

Men: This may come as a shock, but women don’t necessarily want their guy to “keep it clean.” We may want the bedroom to actually be tidy, but lovemaking certainly doesn’t have to be. Gals enjoy dirty, kinky sex as much as… well, the next guy.

Women: Stop buying into the notion that when a guy wants sex, that’s all he’s out for. In reality, many men aren’t good at expressing themselves in words, so they use sex to show – and get – affection. Although it might seem like he’s badgering you for booty, he might really crave nurturing after a bad day at work.

5 Mistakes (and How to Avoid Them)

That’s far from the only sex myth women believe, Cox says. And myths like that can lead to big mistakes and misunderstandings in the bedroom. Cox reveals five common nookie no-nos that can sabotage your love life, and tells you how to steer clear of them.

Sex Mistake #1: Assuming he’s always up for sex

This might hold true for teenage boys, but not necessarily for men. Once males hit their mid-20s, a whole lot of things are competing for their energy. Pressures of work, bills and everyday life can put a major damper on his libido.

“He’s not like a vibrator,” as Cox puts it. “You can’t just plug him in and expect him to perform on cue.” That doesn’t mean he doesn’t desire you anymore. He just truly may not be in the mood.

Sex Mistake #2: Thinking sex ends when he climaxes

Just because he’s been fulfilled doesn’t mean you’ve been. Let him know you’re not done yet; help him find other ways to finish the job using his hands or mouth. If he’s consistently too wiped out to give you the attention you deserve, plan to have your needs met before his next time.

Sex Mistake #3: Obsessing about your body

So the numbers on the scale aren’t what you’d like them to be. Putting on weight is no excuse for avoiding sex. Or maybe you’re fine with your weight but there’s some other figure flaw you’re fixating on. Guess what? If he wants to have sex with you, he thinks you’re sexy. If your self-image is hindering your sex life, consult a therapist, join a support group or read a self-help book.

Sex Mistake #4: Not giving him any guidance

Pleasing a woman is no easy task. So help him out! Give him explicit directions – when, where, how hard, how fast, and more.

If you’re too embarrassed to cue him verbally, find another way. For example, if you’re watching a sex scene in a movie, say something like, “That’s a good move” or “That doesn’t do it for me.” Or bookmark pages in a sex book and ask him to read them. Or let out a moan when he does something that pleases you. Because when it comes to sex, communication is key.

Sex Mistake #5: Overreacting when he suggests something new

Most of us do the same thing day in and day out. And whether it’s in the bedroom or the boardroom, routine can get boring. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to spice up your love life. Men like looking at, trying out and experimenting with new things; there’s nothing sinister about it. Suggesting something new is not an implied criticism of you. It’s just a simple craving for variety. The best part is that he wants to try it with you.

Keeping the Fire Alive

One of the biggest challenges couples face is the misconception that if you’re in love with your partner, your sex life will naturally stay great. Not so, Cox says. Keeping passion alive requires effort.

“People aren’t prepared for how much work it takes to keep sex good long term,” she explains. “We have high expectations of our sex lives these days. When sex settles down a bit, we get bored. Then we go out and get someone else.”

Cox’s fix for a waning sex life (and subsequent wandering eye)? “People should be trying things that are naughty without actually being naughty,” she says. “You can go to a swinger’s club and not swing. Go in and have a lap dance. It’s enough to set fantasies alive and keep it going.”

If those are too outlandish, try watching an adult film with your partner. Wear something racy. Role play. Experiment with toys. The goal is to shake things up enough to keep sex exciting.

“We used to have this theory in sex therapy that generally people had to be in their comfort zone in order to have sex,” Cox says. “There was a lot of emphasis on making each other relax. The best sex people have usually isn’t under those circumstances. The best sex is when it’s naughty, edgy. That’s why people have affairs – because they’re dangerous and forbidden.”

Better Safe Than Sorry

Of course, Cox is a stickler for safe sex, especially for people who aren’t with one particular partner.

“Do you want to die or do you want to live? That’s how important it is,” she says. “When I talk about sex, I’m assuming that when people are having sex they’re safe about it. The thing we know now is that condoms don’t protect you against a lot of things. The only safe sex is not to have sex.

“You have to be sensible,” Cox says. “Pick your partners well. Get tested. Use condoms. Nothing is guaranteed, but at least be sensible about it.”

Hot Off The Runway

2007-11-13T15:37:00.000+08:00

We gather the most important brands caught hot off the runway to inspire you to greatness

It’s the month of Bond and the perfect month to don the most exceptional of all outfits for men ? the suit. We gather the most important brands caught hot off the runway to inspire you to greatness. Enjoy!

Prada
Fall/Winter 2006/07

A romantic hero and his secret dreams as an imaginary warrior: These are the key themes of the Prada Uomo collection for autumn/winter 2006/07. Modern and multifaceted imagery, reminiscent of films and videogames, predominates, with an epic vein typical of ancient times. The collection is also marked by a contrast between luxurious and sophisticated materials and a pared-down, linear and minimalist-mode
silhouette.

Gucci
RTW Fall/Winter 2006/07

Urgency, passion and sensuality fuels John Ray’s Gucci Menswear Fall 2006 collection. Refined materials meet rugged textures. The confident clash of opposites creates a youthful, sexy look. Romantic details are grounded by strong, masculine elements. Influences from modern folk rock are mixed with notes from historical paintings. Movement and fluidity is key. The colors are rich and moody: Deep purples, dark reds, midnight blue and black. It’s irreverent and strong, luxurious and pure.

ck Calvin Klein
Fall 2006

Austere, restrained, powerful, beautiful?the new season brings a dramatic new mood, seeing a return to cool, clean tailoring and a subtle and rich color palette in epic proportions, sweeping or slender, lean and fluid - Silhouettes pair volume with slim shapes, jackets are tailored while pants are full and long, outerwear will be perfect tailoring and also oversized pieces will create proportional contrast. This season’s silhouette is going to extremes.

BOSS Black Menswear
Fall/Winter 2006/07

A new generation of urban bohemians draws inspiration from historic cities to create their own individual luxury style. Menswear is in a confident and experimental phase, blending modern innovation with traditional looks to create an inspired flow of novel ideas. The fundamental two-way split is between easy unconstructed dressing for sloppy sophisticates and a more dressy tailored style with a dandyish attention to detail.

Although slimline one-button and two-button single breasted suits are still the dominant message in men’s tailoring, boxier shapes and the double-breasted suit now make a comeback in shorter lengths and with softer rounded shoulders. Wool is the number one choice for fabrics ?and if it’s not wool, it’s often a wool look. New flannels and modern interpretations of tweeds and checks dominate, with washed qualities still
very strong.

Colors include a subdued painterly palette of off-white and sand through grays to black ?plus a deep and rich choice of darks, dominated by dark brown and by the elegant combination of navy blue and black. Highlights colors are petrol blue, red and violet.

Ermenegildo Zegna
Fall/Winter 2006/07

The source of inspiration for the Sartorial Collection this year is a sophisticated mix of more precious fabrics as well as lines conceived and designed to follow a masculine body contour. Tradition is expressed through Trofeo, this timeless hit of the Ermenegildo Zegna collections, now available in several patterns, such as the Prince of Wales, or the new contrasting, shiny or striped linings, some recalling the typical tie-patterns.

Research and development by the Lanificio Zegna add more value to the passion for innovative mixes. Silk Skin is a mix between velvet and cotton, either herringbone-printed or in “cover?version, used for unstructured jackets. Finishes are another strong point of this collection which perform exceptionally with impeccably formal fabrics. Micronsphere, an exclusive finishing process resistant to any form of stains, is the result of studies made to match nanotechnologies with luxury and performance in fabrics, such as the Traveller. The most recent “no-iron?shirts are the outfits that best complete a sophisticated and yet nonchalant collection, together with Dec?ties in warm soft patterns.

The very idea of luxury, for this season, is the Upper Casual look that perfectly matches richness and preciousness of the fabrics with comfort. Fabrics like Shetlair ?a mix of merino, mohair wool and cashmere ?with its lavishly brilliant, typical shetland-like look in a super light weight, Cashco delav? a slightly stretch mix of cashmere and cotton, and the more essential plain cashmere, are the ideal bases to produce jackets like the superlight and unlined Piuma, or the Cardigan, a must-have contemporary and comfortable garment.

dunhill
Formal RTW Fall/Winter 2006

Grey flannel, that iconic fabric of the 40s and 50s sets the tone for the dunhill formal collection this autumn. Today’s elegant young man chooses the relaxed elegance favoured by his grandfather’s generation, but wears it in a different way, in different cloths, to suit a very different lifestyle.

Formalwear should always be luxurious and elegant, but also light and practical to reflect today’s centrally heated, fast-moving, always travelling lifestyle. dunhill’s one-button flannel suit with a peaked lapel, flat-front trousers, and elegantly sculpted jacket meets all these requirements, whilst remaining the height of elegance.

Versace
Fall/Winter 2006/07

The new black ?but more so: blue, blue, blue. This colour characterises the Versace Uomo Autumn/Winter 2006/2007 collection, the colour of a strong, simple and heroic concept of masculine beauty. From carbon paper blue to microchip-blue, from inky-blue to amethyst with a sophisticated tinge of burgundy ?blue in all its glory is the hue of the third millennium, perfectly attuned to the cut and proportions of the finest tailoring. Trousers are made to seem slimmer than ever by jackets with squared shoulders, angular, well defined and structured but without recourse to padding. This new shoulder is what identifies the “Y?line of the Versace male, reclaiming his masculine DNA.

Quintessential to the look is the use of fading effects (even on eyewear lenses) and the choice of full bodied fabrics that avoid all rustic overtones ?structured, never flat, always redolent of luxury. The use of the same fabric in different weights for suits and coats adds further emphasis to a collection created to revitalise a classical style for the Versace Man.

Relationship Laws

2007-11-12T18:04:00.000+08:00

Important relationship laws

In the early days of a relationship, no one likes to think about the rules. These are easygoing times, and laying down the law doesn't seem to fit. However, establishing ground rules early on is a good thing. We're not talking about writing a detailed guide that covers every element of the relationship, but just establishing the basic relationship laws that make everything go a bit smoother.

And along with the relationship laws go relevant punishments. But remember: Good relationship laws are universal -- if you expect her to live by them, you must abide by them as well. So it might be best to keep the punishments to yourself -- just in case you find yourself staring a tough sentence in the face.

Neither party shall enter into an agreement with a third party

There is one relationship law that is always set in stone: No cheating. By entering into a relationship, you are effectively signing an exclusivity contract. No more moonlighting or freelancing; from now on all your business is channeled in one direction. The cornerstone of any successful relationship is trust, and that goes right out the window once cheating occurs.

Establishing this law is quite simple. Usually it's a given, as it works in favor of both of your interests. She doesn't want you running around with other girls, and you certainly don't want her chasing after men. Once the dating moves into a relationship, the “no cheating“ rule only needs to be mentioned once to show that it's in force. In fact, typically talking about not seeing other people marks the start of a proper relationship.

Punishment: Given this relationship law is so important, there is only one suitable punishment for breaking it -- swift termination of the relationship.

The cost of maintaining the relationship should remain at a reasonable level

Establish a “no high-maintenance” law from the very beginning of the relationship. This isn't to say you should settle for desperate women with no standards. But at the same time, you don't want to end up with a bunny-boiling drama queen. Unrealistic demands can make a relationship tiresome -- more like a chore than a romance. It may be sweet to pamper each other at first, but both parties must understand that the other has more to their life than satisfying the other's wishes.

Bringing this relationship law into action can be tricky. At the very beginning of a relationship, you'll want to go that extra mile to win her over. Refusal to wine and dine her, bring her flowers or ditch the occasional ball game for her won't win you any favors -- but neither will doing these gestures all the time. It's important to let her know that she should enjoy all the romance, but that it's for you to give out of generosity, not for her to demand.

Punishment: The punishment is relative to the offense. If she’s asking for roses on every date, make a point of not giving them to her to get the message across. Harsher sentences such as separation may be called for in more serious cases, like if she demands you cut contact with your friends.

Relationship laws on ownership and revealing past experiences...

No ownership is implied

Being in a relationship does not grant one ownership of the other. Both parties involved have a right to their independent existence. This means: No decision-making on the other’s behalf, no making big plans without consultation and no moving in their apartment one piece at a time. Just because you have a girlfriend, it doesn't mean you should have to compromise time with friends, hobbies or work commitments. And there should be room in her life for these important aspects as well.

This is an issue that tends to creep up in relationships. There's never really a point where one says to the other: "From now on I'll choose for you;" instead, you just notice your free time slipping away. This is best dealt with when it comes up -- but discuss it with a zero-tolerance frame of mind. The first time you feel owned, bring it up and explain you want to run your own life.

Punishment: For each offense, take some of their independent existence. If she arranges for you to have dinner with her boring aunt and uncle, the next night take her to that zombie movies retrospective.

Previous contracts with others are rendered null and void

Once you've entered a relationship, the past is in the past. Neither one can use the other’s past experiences as a basis for judgment or as a weapon. Not only is the past irrelevant to your present relationship, but tales from former times can be used against you. So, never mention that an ex was prettier and she'll never reveal all her exes who were better in bed.

This isn't to say the past is never to be mentioned. If you want to know someone, you have to know about what they've done and where they've been. But the past shouldn't be allowed to impact the present. A way to show her you don't consider the past to be relevant is to dismiss it in a non-threatening way. Let’s say she mentions something she's ashamed of and tries to justify it, cut her short and tell her the past doesn't matter now. Again, a zero-tolerance approach is the best in this case. As soon as your or her past is used as a weapon, call her on it.

Punishment: If you find your girlfriend is living in the past, compensate for it by withdrawing your good qualities from her. But make sure you tell her what you're doing so she doesn't think you're an a**hole. Explain your good points will return when she returns to the present.

laws for lovin’

Getting your girl to sign a contract would be a bit much, but laying down the law early on will prevent you and your relationship from doing hard time later on.